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I just want to play on my pan-pipes; I just want to drink me some wine

As you’re all aware, I’m not a music person. I’ve said that a million times. I have terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE taste in music. Well, obviously I don’t think it’s terrible. I just know that if people look at what I’m listening to, they make that polite face that they would also make if you invited them over to look at your child’s drawings, or something. “Oh! Well! Isn’t THAT nice!” No. No, not really all that nice.  

Sorry. This made me laugh. With noises. At work.

It makes me happy, though. Really all that matters. 

Most people listen to music a lot. I don’t. I listen to it when I’m driving (mostly just the same radio station all the time, the good local alternative channel, and when that’s playing something I don’t like, either another alternative channel or the weird semi-oldies/semi-easy-listening channel.) I’d listen to it more but I don’t have a CD player in the car so my options are kind of limited. Especially in the summer when I have to have the windows all cranked down so you can’t hear the radio anyway because of the wind-tunnel effect.

Once my friend got one of these. Helpful tip: it didn’t work. Are you so so shocked?

I don’t listen to it at home very often because I am watching television. Sometimes when I’m writing, but usually I just have the television in the background because I’m trying to get through almost a year old back episodes of my programs so I can finally get caught up on life. What, you’re not a year behind on your most favorite programs? I should watch less television so this doesn’t happen? Yes, yes, I’m aware of this, thanks so much for the MOST HELPFUL ADVICE. 

So mostly I listen to showtunes, because there’s nothing this theater geek likes better than a good showtune (SIDE NOTE, this morning I woke up for no reason I can ascertain with Godspell’s “Turn Back O Man” in my head. I haven’t listened to Godspell in probably 5 years. WHAT IS HAPPENING IS IT A WARNING??? From the LORD????), but sometimes I like to know what the kiddos are listening to, and that’s what the radio’s for. But I refuse to listen to the popular channels because I don’t like all that autotune nonsense, or sometimes Chris Brown comes on and from experience, I know that if you turn your radio dial too fast the button pops off and rolls under the seat and it takes like a year to find it and your ass is all in the air and it’s very ungainly. Also, some singer’s name is Flo Rida. What? No. I think there’s an extraneous space in there.

Mr. Rida’s face looks like it’s made of Barbie-plastic. He is PORELESS! Also, that is some SERIOUSLY styled facial hair! It’s like it’s drawn on with a Sharpie!

Sometimes this lack of popular music culture knowledge bites me in the ass, like when there are commercials starring a rapper and I’m like, “Who’s that?” or someone says a quote from a popular song and I ignore them because I have no idea what they’re talking about and it’s like they’re speaking gibberish to me and I learned early on you don’t engage crazies. Oh, also, remember like three or four years ago, everyone was all obsessed with that “Umbrella” song? (The internet tells me Rihanna sang that. I think I like her. When she’s on Saturday Night Live, she seems to have a good sense of humor, and she really has a lovely voice, although I don’t know shit about her music. Autocorrect just tried to tell me I don’t know “show” about her music. That, either.)

I LOVE the Shy Ronnie sketch. LOVE IT SO MUCH.

People would go around that summer going “Umbrella…ella…ella…eh…eh…eh” and I was like “WHAT THE HELL WITH THE ELLA ELLA ELLA” finally because it was killing me and so effing annoying and they looked at me like I was insane and said, “Are you like a pod person? That song is on the radio FORTY-SEVEN TIMES AN HOUR.” Not my radio station, it’s not. My radio station is dope, yo. It plays GOOD music. The other day, it played 90s Tori Amos for me. (Well, not FOR me. It’s not like I REQUESTED it. It just HAPPENED. It made me very happy.) How often does YOUR radio station do something like that, I ask you? 

 

(It was this song. LOVE IT.) 

ANYWAY, so there are only a few places I get new music, since I don’t watch MTV (and it’s not like they show music videos anymore, anyway.) 

Going to musicals and falling in love with the soundtrack and buying the soundtrack
Listening to the radio and finding songs on it I love
Watching a movie or a television show and finding a song on it I love
Having someone recommend music to me

Let’s break this down one by one. 

Going to musicals and falling in love with the soundtrack and buying the soundtrack 

This used to happen a lot more often than it does nowadays. I feel like older musicals were better. MAN do I sound like a cranky old woman. But in college, I bought like a gajillion soundtracks, and lately, I haven’t bought many at all, although I still see quite a few musicals (although, granted, not as many as I saw in college.) I mean, I went to see Hairspray recently and had no interest in buying the soundtrack. Or The Drowsy Chaperone. Or Young Frankenstein. Liked them all a lot, but not enough to buy the soundtrack. The most recent soundtracks I purchased were Aida (loved this one) and (and this one’s a few years back now, but I’ve listened to it until the CDs almost worn out) Spring Awakening. Seriously, Spring Awakening is probably the best musical soundtrack since college. (Seriously. SERIOUSLY. “The Word of Your Body,” with its “Oh, I’m gonna be wounded, oh, I’m gonna be your wound” FLOORED me the first time I heard it, and then the reprise, when Hanschen and Ernst sing it to each other? ZOMG. SO MANY TEARS, and then of course you can’t beat “Totally Fucked” for a song that makes you want to bop around and maybe kick things. These are very good songs. This is an amazing musical.)  

 

(Yes, I know, some asshole recorded this in the theater. But look! Michele and Groff! Eee!) 

Second in line for that honor is The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, but not for SRS BSNS YO music, but for whimsical music (although it does have a couple more serious songs on it, so I can’t absolutely decide what I like better, something like “My Unfortunate Erection” or something more serious like the “I Love You Song.”)  

(Because every day is better with an erection in it.) 

I also very much want the soundtrack for The Book of Mormon, but I have a rule I’m not allowed to buy the soundtrack until I see the musical. I know. It’s silly. But it’s a rule I have. I don’t know what’s happening in the musical if I haven’t seen it, so the CD doesn’t make any sense to me as a narrative. I’d be listening to it out of order. (That being said, I recently watched LAST YEAR’S Tony Awards, and the song they featured from The Book of Mormon blew me AWAY. I have GOT to see this musical. Tour already, dammit! I can’t afford Broadway prices!) 

Listening to the radio and finding songs on it I love 

Since I discovered my new best radio station, I’ve been finding a lot more music that I love. And since discovering THE BEST APP EVER, it’s been easier to find out what the music is. You know what I’m referring to, right? Shazam. Even the NAME is spiffy. How the hell did I survive before an app that you could click (yes, yes, WHILE DRIVING, I know, very dangerous, it’s only two clicks, it’s not as bad as texting, I promise) and it TELLS YOU WHAT SONG IS PLAYING and SAVES THE TITLE AND ARTIST FOR YOU FOR WHEN YOU GET HOME? I used to have to remember one of the lyrics, and then when I got home, try to type that lyric into Google (because the stations never tell you who sings what in a timely fashion) and hope like hell it popped up in a search result because some other sad bastard was also searching for that song. Often, I’d completely forget I loved that song and then it’d come on again like six months later and I’d be like, REMEMBER I LOVED THAT ONCE! and feel terrible I hadn’t been listening to it for months like I should have been. Shazam is one of the best apps ever created. The only thing I don’t love about it is that it doesn’t know ALL the songs. My local radio station that I love (if you’re local, it’s WEXT? 97.7? Do you listen to this? It’s really stellar) plays a lot of local music, and sometimes I love that music, but Shazam’s all “NOPE! That’s not a real song.” (Well, no, it doesn’t say THAT. It says something like, “Not able to find a match” or something.) Dammit! Foiled by Shazam! Luckily, WEXT has an amazing website where they list all of their songs they played all day in order, at the time they played them, in playlist format, so I can figure out (by the time it was when it was on) what song it was. WEXT! You rock my socks. 

Watching a movie or a television show and finding a song on it I love 

This happens a lot, because I watch a lot of television. Luckily, Shazam also works for TV, as long as the snippet of music is long enough. If it’s not, I have to Google the episode and also a bit of the song lyric and figure it out that way. Shows that you probably think are terrible and hate me a little bit for watching (such as Gossip Girl and Pretty Little Liars and The Vampire Diaries) often have wonderful music. Some good shows also have wonderful music, like the US reboot of Being Human. Such good music on that one! (That is a good show, right? I really like that one, anyway.) And also, sometimes the music is so perfect you can’t even stand it, like Sia’s “Breathe Me” at the end of the series of Six Feet Under. Don’t even tell me that wasn’t one of the best uses of music in a television series ever. I watched that scene over and over and over. I don’t know that I’ve ever cried so hard over a television show in my life. 

DO NOT WATCH THIS if you are planning on watching Six Feet Under at any point in your life. Major, major spoilers. Also, if you haven’t  seen the show, it’s not going to make any sense to you at ALL. 

 

Oh, also Glee. SHUT UP I STILL WATCH GLEE. It used to be good, is my defense. And I like acapella singing. Glee’s its own animal. It doesn’t count, television-music-wise. Also, YES, I used to buy the soundtracks. I don’t anymore. It got REALLY BAD, you guys. It’s kind of embarrassing. (Although this season’s “Somebody That I Used to Know” duet between Darren Criss and Matt Bomer was – well, let’s just say THAT got watched about 47 times in my household, ok? WHOA. Equal parts affecting and hot, and also I love that song more than just about anything.)  

 

Oh, same thing with movies. I can use my Shazam there, but usually don’t because I hate people that pull out bright phones in the movie theater. I usually just Google that shit when I get home. Movies are very, very good about putting music in just the right place. I think they have a higher budget for both the rights to the songs and for someone whose job it is to do that. I’m thinking of things like Damien Rice’s “The Blower’s Daughter” in Closer, Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” in Say Anything… (shut up, no matter what you think of the movie, that song placed just so was perfection), Regina Spektor’s “Hero” in (500) Days of Summer (by the time the song got to the “I’m the hero of the story; don’t need to be saved” part, I was a WRECK – so glad I was watching that movie at home, and not in the movie theater – and strangely enough, other than the music and the art direction and my insane off-the-charts crush on Joseph Gordon-Levitt, I didn’t even like the movie that much, because MAN does Zooey Deschanel make me want to murder kittens to balance out the universe.)  

 

Oh, also pretty much everything in the movie Once. Oh, and everything Tarantino does. He’s got a sixth sense for what music fits where, that man. Not only are his movies visually arresting, but the music! Whoo. 

Having someone recommend music to me 

This doesn’t happen all that often, but it’s always nice when it does (and, let me be frank, when I have time and I remember to listen to it, because I often get recommended things by people during the day when I have no speakers on my work computer, and then I can’t listen to it until I get home, and by the time I get home, it has COMPLETELY left my mind. In my defense, I have a lot of things in my mind, and I can’t remember them all.) The most recent song that comes to mind that someone’s recommended to me that I loved to distraction was “Mother of Pearl” by Nellie McKay. I didn’t even know Nellie McKay existed, let alone about this song. I LOVE THIS SONG. It made me laugh to tears. Plus, could she be any cuter? She’s as cute as a button, this woman. (My wonderful, amazing friend Mer, who I miss more and more and MORE on a daily basis, damn you, America, for being so large!, knows my taste in music very well. Thank you, Mer!)  

 

So, so so so so SO, all year long, I write down all the songs and artists that I loved that year. Then I make a list in December. If there are more than a handful from the same artist, I usually end up getting the album. Otherwise, I spend like $100 on iTunes and download ALL THE MUSIC IN THE LAND. Then I make CDs. Most go to BFF, who gets four or five mix CDs for Christmas every year as part of his gift box of awesomeness. (Did you watch the prize package videos I made for Ken? I make something like that every year for BFF, only better. Yep. BFF wins EVERY DAMN YEAR.)  Then I make mixes for a few other people, then I make a ton of CDs of ALL THE SONGS for me, and I listen to them on road trips for the entire year following. So, in other words, I’m always a year behind on my music-listening. Is it a flawed system? Sure. Who cares, totally works for me.  

I also have a ton of music on my computer, and I like making mix CDs for people. I used to love making mix tapes, back in the day. Now it’s CDs, which aren’t as much fun but still have the same idea behind them so I guess they’ll have to do. I like finding the exact perfect music for someone. For example: if you watched Ken’s opening-the-package-video where he started playing his mix CD, what was his first song? Cake’s “Sheep Go to Heaven.” Why? Because the chorus’s refrain is “sheep go to heaven; goats go to hell.” And Ken is, in his own words, a goat influencer. 

In case you’re confused, Ken blogged once about goats, and then again, and then I think again (no, wait, I just checked, FOUR TIMES, yo), because he likes goats (who doesn’t? goats are awesome) and somehow, if you Google “you can’t always expect goats,” Ken’s blog is the first result, and also, on Klout, he’s the #1 influencer, in the WORLD, about Sheep & Goats (Goat Farms) (Industry). In the WHOLE DAMN WORLD. There are a lot of people in the world. Ken’s the BEST at this. So, obviously, what’s the best choice of songs for the first song on a CD mix for your friend who won your contest and who is very influential about goats? Cake’s “Sheep Go to Heaven.” I AM VERY GOOD AT CD MIXES.

 

So, in case you’re wondering, as it constantly seems to be coming up, “what is UP with Amy’s taste in music?” here is the end-all-and-be-all explanation for why I never know what’s happening on a timely basis and why I don’t know who popular singers are. Because I am OLD and OUT OF TOUCH. Now get off my lawn, you’re trampling the posies.

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About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

34 responses to “I just want to play on my pan-pipes; I just want to drink me some wine

  • sj

    I am currently working on mix-tape playlists for you and Kate.

    I have to live up to my title/badge somehow, don’t I?

    Also, if you check twitter, I TOTALLY CALLED where the title came from BEFORE I EVEN CLICKED ON THE POST, so that’s worth something.

    AND, um…it’s CAKE, not Cake. They totally capattack their name, which I thought you would be ALL OVER.

    Like

  • Charleen

    On the subject of musicals, I saw a relatively recent one called “Curtains” a couple years ago, and I loved it. Although to be fair, I don’t remember the music being all that spectacular (I mean, I don’t remember hating it, I just don’t remember it making a huge impression on me), just the show itself was really good, and really funny. Plus there was a grammar-related joke at one point, and I and maybe two or three other people in the whole theatre laughed.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Ooh, “Curtains” came here and I missed it! I hope it comes back. I heard good things.

      Also, grammar jokes are the BEST. They always get a big laugh from me. I’m easily amused by them.

      Like

  • elaine4queen

    i don’t listen to music much either. i like tv and film themes almost exclusively.

    all except this (think that’s how you do the yootoob link?)
    which i have on my phone and have listened to for years whenever i am in an airplane. it’s perfect for over the clouds.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I fixed it! Almost how you do it, you just have to put youtube= after the first bracket.

      Where DO people find new music, I wonder? Other than the places I’ve mentioned? Hmm.

      Like

      • elaine4queen

        well, i SUPPOSE some people listen to the radio.

        the only radio i listen to is radio 4, which is plays and stories. (and irate people discussing politics, which i avoid.)

        the OC was good for pop songs. and i like the whole soundtrack to garden state, and i love the mark mothersbaugh stuff, royal tenenbaums and the like.

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          Garden State is wonderful. And so is The Royal Tenenbaums (both the movie and the soundtrack.)

          I want to listen to a play on the radio! That would be fun.

          Like

          • elaine4queen

            i think R4 offerings are *around* the internet. you might even be allowed to listen to the radio iplayer, i don’t know. i think the world service might have plays. i will send you some links and you can see if any work.

            Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    I keep the mix CDs you sent me in the car and listen to them on a regular basis. I really like them. (And today I’ve had ‘Hurt’ stuck in my head all day long – it’s just a heartwrenchingly good song.)

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Oh, yay! Andreas, that makes me so happy. I’m so glad you like them. I love making them for people so much. I want everyone to have good music to listen to, and to introduce them to music I love (and hopefully they will love some of them as much as I do!)

      Ken mentioned this in his video last week, but I miss mix tapes a ton, too. There was nothing better than getting a mix tape, back in high school or college. You knew that person was thinking of you when they made it; you knew that was music they loved; you knew they’d picked it out for you. Whether it was a friend or a romantic interest or whoever it was – it was just such a personal gift. I still have the mixes people made for me over the years. They were such great gifts. I miss them. CDs are great, but just don’t have as much of a personal touch, somehow. Still good – but not AS good. I can’t put a finger on it.

      Like

      • Andreas Heinakroon

        I think that’s the thing: the finger. When making a mix tape you have to keep a finger on the pause button whilst you change from one song to another, which makes it more tangible perhaps? Rather than sorting a list of files in a window on your screen using your mouse pointer.

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          And sometimes you could hear the person! Not always, but sometimes! You could hear them sigh, or breathe, I mean, if they screwed up while making the tape – not always, but once and a while. It was like a little frozen moment in time. I loved that.

          Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    By the way: how is that car fan contraption supposed to work? It doesn’t make any sense!

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I’m not even sure. My old roomie had one once, if I’m remembering correctly. C., are you reading? How did that thing work? (Or, NOT work, because I remember you said it didn’t work at all – I am remembering that you had one, right? Maybe it wasn’t you. Was it someone else? MAN, I’m getting old.)

      It was supposed to suck out the hot and pull in the cool, but if it’s 100 out, like it has been over the past week, there’s no cool to pull in, not that it would work anyway. Stupid as-seen-on-TV crap.

      Like

  • mylifeisthebestlife

    YES! Shazam makes me SO SO SO happy!

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      It is the best. Other apps come and go, but that one’s been on my phone since I got it, and I’ll never get rid of it (even if it ends up, like they rumor, that I’ll have to pay for it eventually.)

      Like

  • Lahikmajoe

    Of the goats, indeed.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      KEN WHERE IS YOUR AVATAR THIS IS MAKING ME INSANE.

      You’re totally of the goats. I forgot to tell you, when I was driving home a couple weekends ago, I drove past this field of sheep, and I was looking and looking to see if there were also goats, but there weren’t, and I was so sad, because it always makes me happy to see goats. Then I thought, “Of course there aren’t goats, Amy. You can’t always expect goats.”

      Like

  • Alison (@hlinefracture)

    I was happy when I read your first paragraph, because I thought, “Finally! Somebody else who is not a music person, and that means I am not the only lame one in the world who has really boring musical tastes!” And then I read the rest of the post, and it turns out you are not NEARLY as lame as I am.

    I just don’t listen to music much, except (like you) in the car. Everywhere else, I’m either somewhere where I can’t listen to it (like teaching a class) or I just don’t think to turn it on. I do like show tunes, though, and Shazam is awesome because sometimes you just NEED to know the artist’s name. I Shazamed “Somebody That I Used to Know” for the lyrics so I could sing along in the car. Loudly.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Oh, I’m pretty lame. I just listen to the same songs over and over and OVER until I know them by heart. And then I sing them, like you. Poorly and off-key. In my car. (Also, they kind of all sound similar. I like sad, slow songs with pretty harmony. Most fast songs leave me cold. I’m very predictable.)

      Isn’t Shazam great? It amazes me that it didn’t exist before now. What a wonderful invention! I love the future. I love that I’m living in it.

      Like

  • Nerija S.

    OMG Godspell! I haven’t listened to that soundtrack in yeeears and I was in my high school production (I was in the 60-person chorus that our music director added in so more than 13 people could participate) and OMG the costumes and my favorite song was “Oh Bless the Lord My Soul” and “By My Side” is so sweet and then “On the Willows” made me want to cry and NOSTALGIAAAAAA!!!

    Also, that is quite a conveniently placed play button on the Youtube video of “My Unfortunate Erection.”

    And also, I also love “Somebody that I Used to Know.” And I recommend Gotye’s “Save Me” and “Thanks For Your Time” (the latter is basically a role-play of someone calling a customer service center and being frustrated).

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      “By My Side” is one of my favorite musical songs ever. So, so beautiful. I never got to work on it, but I wish I had. I’ve seen it a couple of times, though. Love it. Such a great show.

      Hee! I totally saw that play button after I posted and thought, huh, look at that!

      I keep meaning to listen to other Gotye songs. I really like his voice, and was hoping there were other songs on the album I’d like. I have to check those out!

      Like

      • Nerija S.

        Yeah, those are pretty much the only Gotye songs I know. I’m seriously considering going to one of his concerts this summer — he’s on tour and will be in my area soon. I know, why am I even questioning this…unfortunately, that weekend’s a super busy one where I work, mandatory attendance and all that, so I’ll have to wait to see what my hours are that day.

        Have you seen the official music video for “Somebody that I Used to Know”? Hee *shameless grin*

        Like

  • Handflapper

    There’s very little new “popular” music I like, but I’m always finding alternative stuff that is amazing. I LOVE music, and would much rather listen to music than watch TV or movies, and my husband is just the opposite which drives me crazy kind of crazy. I mean, he likes music, too, he’s just a bad TV crack addict.

    But? I have always had such a hard crush on Joseph Gordon-Levitt I’ve worried I might be a secret pedophile.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I know, the JG-L thing is a little worrisome for me, too. Especially since I watched him grow up, and now I find him attractive? I feel a little icky. But then he comes on-screen in a suit and…um…what was I saying? Somehow all complaints just flew out of my mind.

      (Speaking of him, have you seen “Brick?” One of my favorites of his. He’s not at his most handsome in it – I’d have to probably give the edge to “Inception” for that, because WHOO, those SUITS – but his acting in it is AMAZING, and the story is so, so intelligent.)

      Like

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