Bloggiversary Winner Package! (No. No, that’s not a euphemism.)

This is just a quick one, but remember a million billion KAJILLION years ago, I had a Bloggiversary, and Ken won the drawing? I mailed it out about two weeks ago, and he JUST got it, and I was just waiting for him to open it before I posted this. I didn’t want to ruin the surprise, you see. Because the stuff in the package is super-fun and super-awesome and I want him to have much joy in opening it and being surprised with it. I’m not a human spoiler alert, you guys. What kind of asshole would THAT make me, I ask you?

So, now that he’s gotten it and opened it, I can FINALLY post this video which is like three weeks old or so at this point, but I guarantee my hair STILL looks this insane because WHOO HUMIDITY:

And THEN, TODAY, Ken OPENED the package (he waited TWO WHOLE DAYS, does he think I’m PATIENT or something?) and he made a video of him opening everything! So you can all see it! Aw, this is the best. I laughed and clapped and laughed some MORE. He says I can share it with you all here. So I’m going to. Isn’t he the best? The answer to that is yes, and if you say no I’ll punch you in the neck two times.

CONGRATULATIONS, KEN! I hope you love everything. That would make my whole week. Maybe my month, but I’m not guaranteeing anything. A month is a long time and we still have a few weeks to go.

As long as I don’t die or lose my fingers in a terrifying industrial mangler accident, let’s have another drawing next year, what do you say?

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About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

22 responses to “Bloggiversary Winner Package! (No. No, that’s not a euphemism.)

  • Heather

    You are a GENIUS gift giver, and Ken is hilarious.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      OMG, I know, right? He needs to make more videos. I’ve totally watched that twice and I will probably watch it again. It makes me laugh so hard.

      And thank you! I LOVE buying gifts for people. If I had more money, I’d do it all the time. It’s one of my favorite things to do in the world.

      Like

  • sj

    IT WAS TOTALLY RIGGED! And I loved the bonus euphemism at the end of Ken’s video.

    I am still laughing.

    This was awesome, like having Amy and Ken come over to hang out with me tonight.

    <3 <3 <3

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      OMG, I forgot to even mention the bonus euphemism. KEN! It’s called “Aunt Flo” because…well…it FLOWS. Get it? Also, it “visits” once a month. Which is unfortunate, but that’s a whole other thing, I suppose. So it’s like a relative! That visits! And her name sounds like what it does! GET IT GET IT???

      My awesome cousin used to say “my redheaded aunt is visiting” and that always made me laugh for some reason. Probably because she’s hysterical and anything she said cracked me right the hell up.

      YAY! I think Ken and I SHOULD visit. We could bon vivant the HELL out of your house, yo.

      Like

      • sj

        That would be the best time ever. We have air mattresses that we could set up!

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          I think you’d have to make your toilet shoot out water, because ONE of the two bon vivants (that is not the one typing this right now) is OBSESSED with bidets. I think the OTHER bon vivant might be all, “What? NO BIDET?” so probably you’ll need to set up an elaborate water-fountain system in your toilet bowl, for his sake.

          Like

  • greengeekgirl

    1) You are evil for not telling us what the songs are. EVIL.

    2) All the best things are gamer things. Well, maybe not. All of the best internet things are sometimes gamer things.

    3) Amazon is CLEARLY stalking your blog because they are THE EVIL. But since you are BOTH evil I guess that is okay.

    4) I love that Ken keeps calling you Lucy’s Football.

    Like

  • jbrown3079

    That was great. I love how it took him about four minutes to open the box. I would have wrapped it like that,too.
    I really enjoyed the whole contest.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      That’s how you WRAP things! How do people wrap things in the @lahikmajoe family, like with loops of twine, or something? Come on! You tape them up! So people can’t see what’s in them! Isn’t that how people wrap things?

      I’m glad! It was so much fun! :)

      Like

  • Handflapper

    Y’all are adorable and that is all.

    Like

  • Em

    I can’t wait to watch these (I can’t right now because no earbuds and public place and very loud in here so who could even hear it) but I have to say he was totally the right person to win because I would never have made a video, it would not have even occurred to me! And he totally made a video, so not only is he a winner but an awesome winner.

    I love it when things work this way.

    Like

  • Mister Doctor Professor Susurrus M. Chiaroscuro, Esquire

    Couple things:

    1) It was totally rigged.
    2) I put both of the videos on simultaneously so it’s like you two are having a conversation, but neither of you is listening to the other.
    3) I love how the first full minute of Ken’s video is an attempt to open the box, Merkan boxes use Imperial tape units, Ken, you can’t open Merkan boxes with no damn metric scissors!
    4) Mrs. Ken has a fluid videoing technique that, combined with my full belly of thai food. . . made me seasick by 1:46.
    5) You made Ken a fucking mix tape, which probably had Mrs. Ken wondering. . . “what is UP?” Especially since you know it’s all Lionel Richie and Barry White.
    6) okay. . . now it’s going to take Ken 1:00 to open the damn turtle tea infuser. What’s up with opening stuff, Ken? In the end he looks slightly irritated at his inability to open the turtle and just says, “it’s a tea infuser. shaped like a turtle.” and puts it as far as he can from him. Pesky things that open!
    7) Now I’m watching him become indignant at just how much stuff there is to open. . . all the layers. . . all the tightness and tape and fastenings!!
    8) What? No sloths at Poing?
    9) His appreciation of the awesomeness of this prize seems insincere
    10) He leafed through hundreds of pages of Euphemania to come up with his “random” euphemism. Random. . . you’re doing it wrong.

    Then End.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I am going to reply to this most excellent comment in list format.

      1. Nope. Not at all rigged.
      2. How did you even listen to us if you had them both on at the same time? And hee! The thought of that makes me laugh.
      3. I know, right? That tape foiled Ken. I’m kind of befuddled. I wasn’t aware I used too much tape.
      4. I’m jealous of you people that have someone to videotape things FOR you. I have to use my camera in my laptop. Therefore, I can’t move much.
      5. I would have made whoEVER won a mix CD, as stated in the original agreement. There was no Barry White or anything for Mrs. Ken to worry about. I don’t think Mrs. Ken worries much. I think she probably thinks we’re all imaginary. Like my dad does.
      6. Listen, that tea infuser? Hardest thing EVER to open. I totally unwrapped it and was all, “How does this thing open?” and it took me forEVER and I thought I’d broken it. And there were no opening instructions. I think there was some trick but for the life of me, I don’t remember what it was.
      7. I did frustrate poor Ken with all those layers and fastenings and bits and bobs. I guess that’s the price you pay for being a big winner.
      8. I know! He didn’t even know it was a sloth. I mean, really. Come on. That sloth’s feelings were totally hurt just then. Probably this is all because he hasn’t even VISITED Wildpark Poing. I mean, it’s right THERE. How can you not have visited it?
      9. No no. Very sincere. See, you’ve got me – insane and wild-eyed and edging on lunacy over things as minor as, say, seeing a pretty moth – and you’ve got Ken, who’s the other side of the coin. He’s like the coolest cat, yo. I was just glad he smiled as much as he did. There were even some laughs. I counted all of this as a total win.
      10. I think he was exhausted. From all of that opening and unwrapping. He probably just wanted to go to sleep, not read through a whole eupehemism book.

      YAY FOR WINNINGS!

      Like

    • Andreas Heinakroon

      Yeah, why are you colonials still using Imperial measurements? Isn’t that just a tad ironic? Come on, go French and start using metrics already!

      Like

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