So it’s have-an-adventure-at-the-tea-place day, and it’s also get all my shopping done so I can finally mail Ken’s winning package of win to him day, and ALSO it is try to do some writing day and maybe also a little loafing, but only a little because there’s not all the time for loafing, only a little time for loafing. NO REST FOR THE WICKED! Or the very busy blogger. NO REST FOR THE VERY BUSY BLOGGER!
It is Father’s Day. That needs to be addressed. You all know I love my dad more than anything, because he is awesome and funny and supportive, and I am very lucky to have the father I do, because, let’s face it, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here and you wouldn’t be reading this, so TECHNICALLY, you, too, are all lucky I have the father I do. Because the guy my mom was dating before my dad was a total dud. Well, according to my dad he was. I don’t suppose my dad would call his competition a really good guy, who would do that? No one. Or, maybe someone really well-adjusted might. I don’t think anyone’s ever accused anyone in my family of THAT particular trait. Heh.
So, in honor of Father’s Day, here is a Dad conversation we had the other night.
Dad: I had another one of those class reunion planning meetings the other night.
Me: You have a lot of meetings and reunions. Can you imagine wanting to hang out with the people you went to high school with that much? I certainly can’t.
Dad: No, of course you can’t. I LIKE the people I went to high school with.
Me: I know. You’re weird. Was Super Sarah there?
Dad: At first, she wasn’t. So we thought she might not be coming. That made most people really happy.
Me: I love that everyone knows she’s a kook.
Dad: Well, 2/3 of our class won’t come to the reunion because of what she did at the last one.
Me: What? What did she do at the last one, bring Jesus in a Spaceship as a date?
Dad: No. He probably had alternate plans that night. She got up in front of everyone and took over the microphone and started testifying. For like half an hour. People were SO MAD. She WOULD NOT STOP.
Me: Oh, I would have walked out. No one captive-audiences me unless it’s a work thing and they’re paying me.
Dad: So when we sent out the RVPS cards this time, only about a third of our class responded.
Me: I think they’re RSVP cards.
Dad: Who cares, it’s just the alphabet. When we asked why people weren’t coming, they said, “Because if we wanted religion, we’d go to church.”
Me: I hate Super Sarah.
Dad: Don’t say hate, it’s rude. Say “dislike a lot.”
Me: I dislike Super Sarah with a lot of hatred.
Dad: Better. Anyway, so I told this woman I graduated with, Sharon, that if Super Sarah showed up, I’d tell her there’d be no testifying this time around. Sharon said, “You’re son-of-a-bitchin’ right there won’t.”
Me: Whoo, Sharon sounds feisty. I like Sharon.
Dad: She was really rough in high school. I was scared of her. I still kind of am.
Me: Sharon and I would get along like peas and carrots.
Dad: Yeah, I think you would, Forrest. Anyway, so we thought Super Sarah wasn’t going to show up, but then she did. At the end of the meeting, no one said anything to Super Sarah, so I said, “Sarah, there won’t be any God-talk at the reunion.” Sharon said, “There sure as hell won’t, SARAH.”
Me: Heh. You’re a rabble-rouser.
Dad: Your Uncle G. likes everyone to get along like Rodney King so he tried to butt in and say, “Oh, now, ha ha, water under the bridge” but Sharon told him to shove it.
Me: I kind of want Sharon to adopt me.
Dad: No, because then I’d have to marry Sharon and she looks like she would punch me in the face. Anyway, Super Sarah got very red and said, “I’ll talk about Jesus if I want to,” and I said, “No, you won’t. Not this time.” And Sharon started to yell at her. Then she ran out crying.
Me: Good grief. Super Sarah has issues.
Dad: Yeah, she cries a lot. And then G. was very disappointed in all of us. Then it was time to say a prayer but Super Sarah wasn’t there to say it so no one wanted to do it.
Me: Who prays at a reunion meeting? You didn’t go to Catholic school.
Dad: I don’t know. I think Super Sarah printed up the reunion meeting rules.
Me: Of COURSE she did.
Dad: Then the phone rang in the meeting place. G. answered it. He kept saying, “Oh, now. No, no. Calm down.”
Me: Super Sarah! It was Super Sarah.
Dad: You’re like a little detective. She called to say she wasn’t coming to the reunion at all now.
Me: YAY! Was there much cheering?
Dad: Sharon laughed and laughed. G. was very sad and kept saying, “We should apologize to her.”
Me: I feel like G. slept with Super Sarah in high school or something.
Dad: No. I asked him the same thing. He says he didn’t, but he wishes he had.
Me: He should be glad he didn’t. I hear crazy is a communicable disease.
Dad: No, I don’t think it is. If it was, there’d be a lot more crazy people running around upstate New York. There are a LOT of crazies up here.
Me: So what happened?
Dad: I don’t know. Nothing. Sharon kept telling G. that if he apologized to Super Sarah and got her to attend the reunion she’d be furious at him, and G. just kept sighing, and then I went home.
Me: You should call all the people that said they weren’t coming and say, “The eagle has left the building. You’re safe to come in for a landing, little pigeon.”
Dad: Because my graduating class are all spies?
Me: Sure they are, you don’t know. It happened in Grosse Pointe Blank. Listen, there is one downside to this, though.
Me: There was an off chance Super Sarah would have done one of those doll-skits at the reunion, and then you could have told me about it. So now we’ll never know. WE WILL NEVER KNOW.
Dad: Yeah, I guess we won’t. I think that’s probably a good thing.
Me: Yeah, it’s more of a win than a loss. For sure.
So Dad’s reunion is at the beginning of July, when I will actually be home for The Nephew’s birthday party, so I’ll get all the scoop. VERY EXCITING.
Happy Father’s Day, Dad. You are the best, and I love you, even though you’ll never read this because I use too many words.
And now, because you liked the last one so much and because I thought of a funny thing and it made me giggle and giggle like a moron all the way home the other night, I totally made you a video of an important discovery I came up with in the car. But then when I filmed it I realized it wasn’t even funny. But you still get the video, because it’s kind of funny to watch me crash and burn so spectacularly, and also I almost got murdered right before I filmed it.
HAPPY SUNDAY! Now it’s time for me to write some book reviews and some posts for next week in advance and some other things that I have to work on and then maybe loaf. A little. Just a little loafing. WHOO!