I don’t get my rabble-rousing tendencies from the neighbors, folks.

So it’s have-an-adventure-at-the-tea-place day, and it’s also get all my shopping done so I can finally mail Ken’s winning package of win to him day, and ALSO it is try to do some writing day and maybe also a little loafing, but only a little because there’s not all the time for loafing, only a little time for loafing. NO REST FOR THE WICKED! Or the very busy blogger. NO REST FOR THE VERY BUSY BLOGGER! 

It is Father’s Day. That needs to be addressed. You all know I love my dad more than anything, because he is awesome and funny and supportive, and I am very lucky to have the father I do, because, let’s face it, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here and you wouldn’t be reading this, so TECHNICALLY, you, too, are all lucky I have the father I do. Because the guy my mom was dating before my dad was a total dud. Well, according to my dad he was. I don’t suppose my dad would call his competition a really good guy, who would do that? No one. Or, maybe someone really well-adjusted might. I don’t think anyone’s ever accused anyone in my family of THAT particular trait. Heh. 

So, in honor of Father’s Day, here is a Dad conversation we had the other night. 

Dad: I had another one of those class reunion planning meetings the other night.
Me: You have a lot of meetings and reunions. Can you imagine wanting to hang out with the people you went to high school with that much? I certainly can’t.
Dad: No, of course you can’t. I LIKE the people I went to high school with.
Me: I know. You’re weird. Was Super Sarah there?
Dad: At first, she wasn’t. So we thought she might not be coming. That made most people really happy.
Me: I love that everyone knows she’s a kook.
Dad: Well, 2/3 of our class won’t come to the reunion because of what she did at the last one.
Me: What? What did she do at the last one, bring Jesus in a Spaceship as a date?

“Sorry, Super Sarah, I’m going bowling with Alf that night.”

Dad: No. He probably had alternate plans that night. She got up in front of everyone and took over the microphone and started testifying. For like half an hour. People were SO MAD. She WOULD NOT STOP.
Me: Oh, I would have walked out. No one captive-audiences me unless it’s a work thing and they’re paying me.
Dad: So when we sent out the RVPS cards this time, only about a third of our class responded.
Me: I think they’re RSVP cards.

Meh. It’s just the alphabet.

Dad: Who cares, it’s just the alphabet. When we asked why people weren’t coming, they said, “Because if we wanted religion, we’d go to church.”
Me: I hate Super Sarah.
Dad: Don’t say hate, it’s rude. Say “dislike a lot.”
Me: I dislike Super Sarah with a lot of hatred.
Dad: Better. Anyway, so I told this woman I graduated with, Sharon, that if Super Sarah showed up, I’d tell her there’d be no testifying this time around. Sharon said, “You’re son-of-a-bitchin’ right there won’t.”
Me: Whoo, Sharon sounds feisty. I like Sharon.
Dad: She was really rough in high school. I was scared of her. I still kind of am.
Me: Sharon and I would get along like peas and carrots.

Aw! Peas and carrots!

Dad: Yeah, I think you would, Forrest. Anyway, so we thought Super Sarah wasn’t going to show up, but then she did. At the end of the meeting, no one said anything to Super Sarah, so I said, “Sarah, there won’t be any God-talk at the reunion.” Sharon said, “There sure as hell won’t, SARAH.”
Me: Heh. You’re a rabble-rouser.
Dad: Your Uncle G. likes everyone to get along like Rodney King so he tried to butt in and say, “Oh, now, ha ha, water under the bridge” but Sharon told him to shove it.
Me: I kind of want Sharon to adopt me.
Dad: No, because then I’d have to marry Sharon and she looks like she would punch me in the face. Anyway, Super Sarah got very red and said, “I’ll talk about Jesus if I want to,” and I said, “No, you won’t. Not this time.” And Sharon started to yell at her. Then she ran out crying.
Me: Good grief. Super Sarah has issues.

Dad: Yeah, she cries a lot. And then G. was very disappointed in all of us. Then it was time to say a prayer but Super Sarah wasn’t there to say it so no one wanted to do it.
Me: Who prays at a reunion meeting? You didn’t go to Catholic school.
Dad: I don’t know. I think Super Sarah printed up the reunion meeting rules.
Me: Of COURSE she did.
Dad: Then the phone rang in the meeting place. G. answered it. He kept saying, “Oh, now. No, no. Calm down.”
Me: Super Sarah! It was Super Sarah.
Dad: You’re like a little detective. She called to say she wasn’t coming to the reunion at all now.

If I’m a little detective I want to be Velma.

Me: YAY! Was there much cheering?
Dad: Sharon laughed and laughed. G. was very sad and kept saying, “We should apologize to her.”
Me: I feel like G. slept with Super Sarah in high school or something.
Dad: No. I asked him the same thing. He says he didn’t, but he wishes he had.
Me: He should be glad he didn’t. I hear crazy is a communicable disease.
Dad: No, I don’t think it is. If it was, there’d be a lot more crazy people running around upstate New York. There are a LOT of crazies up here.
Me: So what happened?
Dad: I don’t know. Nothing. Sharon kept telling G. that if he apologized to Super Sarah and got her to attend the reunion she’d be furious at him, and G. just kept sighing, and then I went home.
Me: You should call all the people that said they weren’t coming and say, “The eagle has left the building. You’re safe to come in for a landing, little pigeon.”
Dad: Because my graduating class are all spies?

Me: Sure they are, you don’t know. It happened in Grosse Pointe Blank. Listen, there is one downside to this, though.
Dad: What?
Me: There was an off chance Super Sarah would have done one of those doll-skits at the reunion, and then you could have told me about it. So now we’ll never know. WE WILL NEVER KNOW.
Dad: Yeah, I guess we won’t. I think that’s probably a good thing.
Me: Yeah, it’s more of a win than a loss. For sure.

So Dad’s reunion is at the beginning of July, when I will actually be home for The Nephew’s birthday party, so I’ll get all the scoop. VERY EXCITING.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad. You are the best, and I love you, even though you’ll never read this because I use too many words.

And now, because you liked the last one so much and because I thought of a funny thing and it made me giggle and giggle like a moron all the way home the other night, I totally made you a video of an important discovery I came up with in the car. But then when I filmed it I realized it wasn’t even funny. But you still get the video, because it’s kind of funny to watch me crash and burn so spectacularly, and also I almost got murdered right before I filmed it.

HAPPY SUNDAY! Now it’s time for me to write some book reviews and some posts for next week in advance and some other things that I have to work on and then maybe loaf. A little. Just a little loafing. WHOO!

About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

24 responses to “I don’t get my rabble-rousing tendencies from the neighbors, folks.

  • doesmybumlookbiginthis

    Hahahaha, i thought the video WAS funny especially when you said something like “wow i’m very tangenty”, and i think the idea behind the video is funny as well. Funnyness all around! Also i think you’re very pretty and americanny :) And i want to listen to Delilah now, i wonder if i can find it online.

    Your Dad sounds awesome haha, have a fun Sunday :) xx


    • lucysfootball

      Aw, thank you! You are ALSO beautiful, you know.

      I bet you could find Delilah online. I know she has a website. It’s SO cheesy. But perfect for long car rides.

      My dad’s great. He always makes me laugh.


  • sj

    At the end of the meeting, no one said anything to Super Sarah, so I said, “Sarah, there won’t be any God-talk at the reunion.” Sharon said, “There sure as hell won’t, SARAH.”


    Your video is awesome. 5y/o was totally watching. He waved when you talked about us. He said he’s glad you’re not going to be murdered. And then he laughed REALLY HARD at “or if you hate all dads…”

    We have guys come to sell us steaks ALL THE TIME. I tell them I’m a strict vegan and that I find them offensive and shut the door in their faces.


  • Jericha Senyak (@JerichaSenyak)

    All the videos. You should make them. Because then I can put them on and sew and laugh like a drain and not have to use the scrolly thing! It is awesome. Also, I want to meet Sharon. And give her hugs. Even if I strangely and inexplicably and wholly against my will feel just the tiniest wee bit sad for Super Sarah. I mean, we can’t help being OUT OF OUR MINDS, can we?


    • lucysfootball

      I think there’s a difference between being out of your mind and foisting it on everyone else. That’s what bugs me about Super Sarah. A whole room of people! Who felt like they couldn’t leave! (I totally would have left. Loudly. And with much huffing. I hate being held hostage.)

      I’m glad you liked it! :)


  • Heather

    Again, I love your dad. And I love Sharon. She’s my type ‘o woman.

    I thought for sure you were going to say the the steak guy showed you his meat. *nudge nudge* I thought for SURE that’s where it was going. Haha!

    The video was very funny, and I’m going to try doing that with some songs the next time I’m alone in the car. Hahaha!


    • lucysfootball

      Ew, I’m so glad the steak guy didn’t show me his meat! Ick! :)

      I’m glad you liked the video! I promise, the song thing really is funny – just, for some reason, not on video. I did it again yesterday, and yep, still funny. I apparently can’t make the funny translate over to a video.


  • blogginglily

    This made laugh, “Then it was time to say a prayer but Super Sarah wasn’t there to say it so no one wanted to do it.”

    Everyone recognizes that they should all get along, but nobody recognized (except Sharon and your father) that the real bully in this whole thing is Super Sarah, who hijacks the meetings/reunions to spread the word of the lord.

    Why do they pray at the meetings? Because everyone’s too worried about the emotional fallout from Super Sarah to say no. Why do they allow her to preach from the reunion pullpit for minutes and minutes and minutes? Because they’re too worried about being “the bad guy” and how Super Sarah will react.

    At the end of the day, Super Sarah is pushing her agenda down everyone’s throat. She’s like the passive aggressive Jesus-bully. Nobody can tell her “no” because telling her no feels like telling JESUS no. And NOBODY. . . and I mean nobody. . . says no to Jesus. Well. . . except me and probably Susan. And many many others. But you get my point. People feel conflicted about saying “no” to the meeting prayers because they feel like they’re bad people.

    Super Sarah is the girl who threatens to commit suicide if you break up with her. . . eventually you realize that it’s in EVERYONE’s best interest NOT to let the least mentally stable person dictate agenda.

    For example, wouldn’t Jonestown have gone better if it would have played out as follows?

    Jim Jones: Okay, everyone, now it’s the time in our meeting where everyone drinks the cyanide kool-aid I brought.

    Crowd: (mutters and confused looks, some whispers)

    Jim Jones: Come on, everyone. Don’t you believe?? Let’s all drink the kool-aid. It’s on the agenda I passed out. I’m really going to be sad and hurt if you don’t drink my cyanide kool-aid.

    Rabble-rouser: Jim, there’s not going to be any cyanide drinking at this meeting. We think that’s sort of a crazy scary stupid idea and we’re not doing it.

    Jim Jones: You’ll drink kool-aid if I say you have to drink it!

    Rabble-rouser: The hell we will.

    Crowd: Now. . . now. . . hold on. . . water over the damn. . . bygones. . . come on, let’s all be a little more supportive.

    Rabble-rouser2: Screw that!

    Jim Jones: (Cries and runs out of the meeting)

    See?? You don’t let the crazy chick/dude run the meeting. You hurt her feelings, perhaps, but everyone lives!

    I couldn’t watch the video at work because it was 7+ minutes long and 1) I had to pee when I was reading this and writing my comment and 2) It’s not lunchtime and I think people would start to get concerned if they heard a bunch of ZOMGs and YOU GUYSs coming from my office in a woman’s voice.

    I’ll revisit it later. Is it weird that this probably isn’t even the longest comment I’ve ever left you?


    • lucysfootball

      It’s funny that it wasn’t even the longest comment TODAY. You’re the best.

      See, this is the perfect comment in defense of rabble-rousing. I’m going to point to this whenever someone’s all, “You should really calm down” and say, “Listen, you WISH I’d been around during Jonestown. YOU WISH I HAD. TALK TO JIM.”

      I think you should have watched my video in the bathroom while peeing, because the ZOMGs and the “you guys!” coming from the bathroom stall would have started RUMORS.


  • Kristy Shriner Salisbury

    I enjoyed your video. I have listened to Delilah many times and I’m glad that someone feels the same way I do about it! Back in Kansas (where I’m from) there used to be a Catholic preacher from a neighboring town who used to DJ on Sundays. It was all Top 40 music, but he included a “message” in there with each song. He would read the lyrics (like to a Matchbox 20 song) like was doing a sermon and I could not change the channel! It reminded me a lot like Delilah. It was called “Message at the Top.” Hilarious! I wonder if he is still doing the show….


    • lucysfootball

      OMG I love this. I can just imagine this guy trying to correlate something like “Push It” or “Do Me Baby” in the 90s to religion. This makes me smile. I read it and he really seems like he’s trying so hard! I would totally have listened to this!


  • blogginglily

    omaha steaks sell door to door. It’s peculiar. Nobody wants door to door steak. It’s freaky.

    I was out Friday at a job interview, and I’m never really on during the weekends (which you must know by this point).


    • lucysfootball

      I find it unsanitary and improperly refrigerated.

      How’d the interview go, my little blueberry muffin?

      No, I know. I didn’t see you much on Twitter or in the blogosphere for a while, but your blog today cleared that up (well, the blog part of it, anyway.) I just missed you, is all.


  • Andreas Heinakroon

    “translates well to tape”? To TAPE? Wow, that statement age you, you know. (I happen to know what tape means, but I’m positively ancient so that’s why.)


    • lucysfootball

      Oh, man, did I say that? Or write it? Look how bad my memory is. Yeah, I’m old. Listen, I still USE tapes! Both video AND audiotapes! My car only has a tape player! I AM OLD!


  • Andreas Heinakroon

    Aw, you didn’t do the fish face! You said you’re going to do the fish face in your next video. Wait, hang on, is this before or after that blog post? Damn it, I lost track. It is so much easier to read your posts chronologically. *sighs*


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