Happy Sunday, people of the football!
It is a very special Sunday. What? Why is that, Amy? You ask.
Is it because it is Ken’s homecoming day, and he is safe-and-sound back at home in Germany? No. I mean, that is awesome (although I will miss having him only one hour time-zone-wise away.) Merka has been happy to have Ken here for the past few weeks, and now Ken gets to go home to Mrs. Ken and his happy dogs. And someday, maybe soon, there will be a new bon vivant post, who knows. But, no. Although those are all wonderful things, and WELCOME HOME, KEN!, that is not why this is a very special Sunday.
The answer is, because today kicks off LUCY’S FOOTBALL BLOGGIVERSARY WEEK!!!!
Whaaa? It’s been a YEAR? A year since this nonsense started? That’s crazysauce. That can’t be true?
Oh, I assure you it is.
A year ago next Sunday, on June 10, 2011, I published my very first post. Which was not very good at all and kind of not even all that funny or informative or interesting or worthwhile. I’m not even linking to it. It’s not like you can’t find it if you try. But I assure you it’s not worth your time. But! ANYWAY! I still published it.
What? You want the origin story of the blog? Sheesh, it’s like you think this is a superhero comic or something, what the hell. OK. I love your faces, I’ll give it to you. I think I’ve told you a little, here and there and all around the square over the year, but I’ll put it all in one place.
I was afraid of the internet for a very long time. No, no, not the internet, so much as social media. Because of the killers. And the strangers. But in 2010, I joined Facebook. Which you all hate with the fire of a thousand suns. I know. I know you do, my little marshmallow peeps. But everyone was always TALKING about it. I wanted to be in the know for once in my life!
And once I was in the know, it was like a snowball of want. I wanted MORE of being in the know. MORE MORE MORE.
So I got a smartphone. Then I could text! And check Facebook on my phone! And play Angry Birds, which I totally got rid of not long afterward because it was a., sucking up all my free time and my phone battery and b., making Angry Amy because THOSE EFFING SMUG PIGS! (I don’t have very good hand-eye coordination.Please try to control your shock and awe.)
Then I realized I was not using my phone to its full potential. So I thought, huh. I will try out this Twitter thing that everyone’s always going on about. I asked on Facebook, “Hey, what do you all think about Twitter?” and, as always, most people ignored me. But a few were all, “TWITTER IS LE SUCK” and to them, I say, “YOU WERE DOING IT WRONG.”
So I joined Twitter. And for a little while, it was like talking into a hole, because, no followers. But then, a few followers! People to talk to! Lovely people, some of which I still talk to, a year later, that’s like a record for me! And then, one of the famous people I follow (Joe Hill, sigh) tweeted about a book club. For geeks! I’m a geek. And I like books! So I joined. And I met so many amazing men and women. And things snowballed. Again.
Now, I’ve read a lot of blogs on and off over the years. But the three that I never missed (well, once I found them, of course – I mean, I didn’t know about them before I knew about them, don’t be absurd) were The Bloggess, Blogography, and Kevin Marshall’s America. I liked all three for different reasons, but all three were (are) well-written, funny, and intelligent. Even when I took internet breaks (I did that, back in the day – I’d forget it existed, because I didn’t have internet access at home) I’d make sure, when I did have access, to catch up on their blogs.
One day I realized, huh. You know, I know I couldn’t write like they do? But I could write like I do. And my friends, who were often subjected to insanely-long rambling emails from me, were always telling me I should blog. And I had a small captive audience of Twitter followers who I thought might enjoy what I had to say. And if they didn’t – well, hell, I could always stop. Or I could just write for me, I suppose. I’d started a blog years before, but it was private. So kind of just a journal. (SIDE NOTE, I totally looked in on that the other day. There were about 10 entries – 5 or 6 were total baby-Lucy’s-Football entries, so that’s proof I was this before I was this, and the rest were kind of just sad? I apparently had a sad period I’ve forgotten about. Then I completely forgot I had it.)
I also had no plan. None. Not even the germ of a plan. Not even a plan-lette. I know most people go into blogging with an idea in mind. Like, I think I will review books! I like to cook, let’s talk about my adventures in the kitchen! I LIKE TO CAPTION ANIMAL PHOTOS WITH FUNNY ALL-CAPS! Nope. I thought, let’s talk about shit. And see what happens. I guess that was kind of a plan. An ill-thought-out plan, but sort of a plan. So it’s sorta social, demented and sad, but social. Right? Oh, crap, The Breakfast Club slipped in again. That keeps HAPPENING. Dammit.
(And, side note, I totally did not go into this planning on blogging every day. But I realized, early on, if I didn’t, it would die a quick, forgotten death, like many of my other hobbies. Crochet. Beading. Scrapbooking. All of which I got TOTALLY JAZZED ABOUT ZOMG, bought all the paraphernalia for, then abandoned about three months in because I got bored as shit. Well, except crochet. I still pick that up now and then. And probably will again, someday. I’m really, really good at it. Like, if there were crochet Olympics? I’d win those. ALL THE GOLD FOR ME. I also did not plan the all-caps. Ooh, later in the week, I’ll tell you the story of the all-caps. Did I tell you this yet? I wonder if I did. I don’t think I did. I’ll tell you again anyway, my memory’s for shit.)
My Twitter people started to read it. Then a few more people started to read it. And then a few more. And then commenting started. Then I got more followers. People whose blogs I admired because they are WAY funnier than I am started reading and commenting. I switched from a shitty blogging platform to a better one where people could comment without wanting to beat their brains out against a metal partition. And dammit, was I having the best time? Just the best. I was looking forward to blogging every day. It was (and remains) the favorite part of my day. It hasn’t started to feel like work. I suppose, when it does, I’ll stop. But no end in sight yet.
I made friends. Through Twitter and through blogging. Fellow bloggers, non-bloggers, all the people. Wonderful, funny, creative, supportive, fantastic people that I would never have known otherwise.
And I seem to have made people laugh. This, to me, is the ultimate win, only because it’s what I like to do more than anything in the world. I mean, sure, I like to eat delicious food items and I like to snuggle Dumbcat and I like to sleep, but I really, really like to make people laugh. You know that high that runners say they get? Or I suppose people who regularly have sex get, not that I would know about that at all dammit? I get that from making people laugh. My endorphins are probably broken in that they don’t work how they’re supposed to, but that sure does make them kick up their little endorphin-feet.
(Not that a person can make people laugh every day. If I could do that, I suppose this would be a better blog. Or at least a more focused one. Sometimes I serious it up because I don’t feel laughy. And you seem to like those posts, too. Huh. You’re all very understanding. I like you a lot.)
Somehow, through no fault of my own, I have built an amazing network of readers. I don’t know how this happened. I feel like the Pied Piper of Hamelin some days, but instead of leading you all to your watery death, I just don’t know what to DO with all of you. You’re all so wonderful! And I don’t deserve you! Not a single one of you! And look at you all with your little happy expectant faces and smiles and supportive comments and awesome ways! I’m a hell of a lucky woman.
SO, as it is BLOGGIVERSARY WEEK, I want to do SOMETHING to commemorate the one-year anniversary of awesomeness. I thought and thought and thought. If I were more prepared or more creative, I would come up with some sort of Easter Egg hunt or trivia game or a Where’s Waldo of my blog or SOMETHING that would not only be fun but it would get me more pageviews and potentially more readers, but listen, that seems like a hell of a lot of work and who has the time for something like that? I’ve got world domination to plan. Oh, wait, not world domination? Just a trip to New York? Shit, shit, you’re absolutely right, not world domination.
So instead of something creative and awesome, I’m going to do this all easy and simple-like.
Comment on this post and you can totally win a package, packaged up and mailed by me me and no one else but me, of anniversary goodies, as a thank you for helping me make this one of the absolute most joyous years of my entire life.
What’s in the package? I have no idea. I told you I’m not prepared. I’ve got a lot on my mind, yo.
It’s my first anniversary and the traditional gift for such, according to some dumbass site I found online, is paper. So I’ll put something paper in there. Susie and I are going to The Strand when we’re in the City, so I’ll probably put in a book. The modern gift is supposed to be clocks. I don’t know that I’ll put a clock in there. A clock seems like a very stupid gift. Maybe I’ll draw you a damn clock, I don’t know what the hell.
What else will be in there? YOU DON’T KNOW. (And neither do I because I haven’t purchased a single thing yet nor made a single solid plan.) Candy, probably. Some sort of goodies I’m picking up in New York with Susie. Something local to reflect where I live, maybe? A little stuffed Dumbcat? Something Lucy related? Something football related? A CD of wonderful music? A very special mini-post I write JUST FOR YOU? I DO NOT KNOW. It might even vary depending on who wins, to tell you the truth. So, it’s like a mystery box of wonder, really. Who doesn’t want a mystery box of wonder? Listen, ask BFF. He’ll tell you. I totally make the best surprise gift boxes. Ever.
So. Let’s make some rules.
- Comment on this post. It only counts if you comment on this post, not any of the other posts this week. It has to be THIS POST. Or you’re not included in the prize drawing. And even if you comment 47 kabillion times, you only get one entry. We have to be fair about this. Also, I know I have a lot of lurkers, because I see my stats, but only a handful of you comment. Un-lurk, even if it’s just this one time. You could win a prize! And, who knows, you might like commenting so much that you come back and play with us regularly, wouldn’t that be great? Yes it would!
- Oh, as to what to comment on the post? Whatever. Say SOMETHING, or it’s kind of asshatty. I hate those people that you know just comment to win something. They’re all “hi gud blogg” and you’re like WHATEVER SLAPPY. Those people are like the starfuckers of blog giveaways. Although, yeah, I suppose those people probably will be entered into the drawing. But I won’t be all that gleeful if one of them win. I’m not asking you to write a damn comedic monologue, but the more fun it is to read, the more gleeful I’m going to be if you win, you know? Don’t you want to see me gleeful? Of course you do! IT’S MY BLOGGIVERSARY!
- Let’s see. You have until…um…Friday the 8th at midnight E.S.T. to comment. That’ll give me time to do the drawing and write you a pretty actual-anniversary-post for Sunday.
- Because I live alone and have no one to oversee the drawing except Dumbcat and he’s totally biased and therefore, if one of my favorite people/usual suspects wins and you’re all VOTER FRAUD! VOTER FRAUD! and that would make me sadface and totally ruin my anniversary and why do you have to be an asshole, anyway?, I will BREAK IN MY WEBCAM (ok, kind of again, I already used it a couple times to make sure I could) and videotape the entire drawing for you and put it in the post so you can see it all go down. I think the drawing will entail something really, really hi-tech like me assigning you all numbers based on the order in which you commented, cutting the numbers out, putting them in a colander, and then picking one, but YOU will get to SEE IT HAPPEN. Also, you’ll get to see my crazy eyes and unruly hair and messy kitchen table. Won’t that be fun? It’s like a little added anniversary bonus.
- No limits on where you live. It’s not going to be a huge package and I’ll mail it wherever. YES EVEN THE MOON. However, if you’re freaked out about me having your address, either enter and be prepared with an alternate address where I can’t come and chop you into little bits, or don’t enter at all. (SIDE NOTE: I won’t come and chop you into little bits. I don’t even have gas money to get to work half the time, and I’m really lazy. Axe-murder would EXHAUST me.)
- Wheaton’s Law applies. Don’t be a dick. I reserve the right, if you’re a dick, to assign you a number, then rip that number into little pieces and throw them in the river. What river? The Hudson, duh. Where the radioactive fish live.
- I will announce the winner on Sunday the 10th. A week from today. On my actual bloggiversary. With a video! And much rejoicing! And beseech you to send me your contact info. (If you don’t send it in a timely fashion, I will have to re-draw, it’ll be a huge mess, so make sure you check back if you enter! Or I will start stalking you via the contact info you left to comment! IT WILL NOT BE PRETTY!) I may take a week or two to mail it out, because, well, I haven’t bought the stuff for it all yet and I want it to be awesome. But IT WILL BE MAILED OUT. And you’re not even allowed to complain, it’s a free box of awesomeness.
I think that’s it. What am I missing? Comment, drawing, win something as-yet-undetermined but undeniably awesome. If I’m missing something or you have questions, ask. Email’s at the bottom of the blog, or in the comments, or on Twitter, or on Facebook. I’m all over, yo. I’ll be sending plenty of reminders over the next week for people to enter this, so it’s not like you will forget. ENTER! This is exciting and will be total fun times.
Now, I also want to do a little spotlight dealio on my top 7 posts over the year. I thought that would be fun, and also an enlightening look into the minds of my readers, right? Totally. So, based on my stats (unfortunately, this is just based on the posts that have been clicked on – I can’t tell when someone clicks on the main blog itself, obviously, what post they’re reading), here is the year’s seventh most popular post.
So, what have we learned about what you like, based on this post? Other than the formatting’s all wonky because it was imported from Blogger and no matter what I do, I can’t fix it, and listen, I’m exhausted from trying, so I’m just going to stop? You can still read it. It’s just a little smooshed.
Really awful back-to school fashion? Me making fun of children? How old I am that I don’t get what the kids are wearing these days? I don’t know. I like this post, though. Mostly because these clothes are TERRIBLE, yo. Those are some tight pants. Also, UNICORN SWEATERRRRR.
Oh, shit, that totally reminds me, I promised Jim I would find junior-high photos of myself and post them here. Will do. Might take a while – I think they might be in the ALBUM OF SHAME at my parents’ house and I don’t go home again until August. But they’ll be here eventually. I was a very…um…interesting-looking child. Let’s just say that. Let’s leave it there. Also, BOWL CUT.
So, anyway. It’s my bloggiversary week! Whoo-hoo! Don’t worry, the posts this week will not be all this obnoxious, they’ll be somewhat normal, I promise. Let the fun begin! Comment away!