If you’re wondering what I love him like, the answer is obviously pudding.

Happy Tuesday! We’re randoming today. I’m at work and have to get this written and realized, I have lots of things I haven’t mentioned, let’s do that.

I went to a concert last night, but didn’t have time today to write it all up and tell you all about it, so that’ll be tomorrow. Promise. It was awesomesauce. SPOILER ALERT FOR TOMORROW.

So remember how I wrote the whole bullying post? That was a while ago. You probably all read that. Anyway, I mentioned in the post, one of the main high school mean girls kept sending me Facebook friend requests. And I’d delete it. And then she’d send another one like a week or so later. Then I’d delete it. Over and over. I think we got up to six times? Then I’d get ones here and there from some of the other mean girls. Delete delete delete. But that one girl was PERSISTENT, yo. Finally, the last time, she sent me a MESSAGE. Well, that made me almost vomit. But I opened it.

“Amy, I’m going to need you to accept my friend request, and also immediately message me your home address so I can mail you an invitation to the class reunion.”

No “Hello” and no “thank you” and no “please.” Just two orders. Because she’s the boss of me, apparently.

(Oh, bee tee dubs, it’s my twenty-year class reunion this summer. I AM SO EFFING OLD YOU GUYS. Twenty YEARS? Good grief, where are my Rascal Scooter and my dentures and my AARP discount card?)

20 years. SO OLD GAH.

So I thought about it. What would be the best course of action?

I could ignore it completely. But she probably wouldn’t give up. Apparently, the years had given her the tenacity of a bulldog. (Is it awful to hope they’ve given her the face of one as well? Probably. I won’t hope that, then, ok? Great.)

I could do as she asked; roll over and give in. Yeah, that was about as likely as me running out tomorrow wearing a dress and high heels. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. You give me orders, I immediately do the opposite. I don’t take well to being bossed around.

I could reply. What would I say?

I decided to reply. Mostly because I wanted her to go away for good. One of my Twitter people told me I should reply with a link to my bullying post and nothing else. I thought about it, but decided it would be like throwing pearls before swine. YES MEAN GIRL YOU ARE THE SWINE IN QUESTION. She wouldn’t read it, and if she did, she wouldn’t remember any of it the way it happened, anyway. And it was obvious, from her message to me, she hadn’t changed at all.

After much soul-searching, I decided on short and curt. I know! I can write short replies sometimes. I know you’re shocked. Ready? Here it is in its entirety:

Thank you for thinking of me, but I have absolutely no interest in attending.

The first part of the sentence showed GRACE and CLASS (with just the slightest tinge of snark, as I’m SURE they’ve spent no time at ALL thinking of me, I was just on a list of graduates); the second part made my position clear on the matter (with the “absolutely” thrown in there just in case she thought, “Hmm, maybe she’s just undecided.”) Yeah, I spent some time thinking about it, why do you ask?

It’s been about a month now. No response from her. No more friend requests. I think I’m safe. I can’t even IMAGINE the gossip about me that’ll happen from those cliquey bitches at the reunion this summer, but go to, ladies who lunch, go to. I’ll be safely four hours away, living my life which has no bullies in it. Well, I suppose it might have bullies in it. But I’m better equipped to deal with them now.

(Also, can I just say, if I showed up at that thing, I think I might lose my shit and punch one or more of those girls in the mouth? I’m not even kidding. I’ve only ever attacked one person in my life – well, I don’t count my brother, we used to hit each other all the time – and I probably would be spectacularly bad at it. But I think it would be one of those “I saw red and I don’t remember exactly what happened and MAN is there a lot of blood and her nose looks kind of crooked?” situations. And I’d end up with an assault charge or something. Best I stay away.)

Anyway, moving on; hey, graduating class, you guys have a great time at the reunion, ok? If you all get food poisoning or maybe attacked by a swarm of locusts (not that I wish that on you all or anything! HA HA!) I hope the bad thing bypasses the three of you I don’t wish terrible things would happen to!

Happier thing: yesterday I got a video from The Nephew’s mom where he was playing with a toy phone and he said, “Aunt Amy’s on the phone!” and he was having a wee conversation with me. After a few minutes, he gave the phone a VERY dirty look and then hung it up very decisively and said, “She hung up.” (That was totally rude of me. What the hell was I thinking?) His mom said, “Do you love your Aunt Amy?” and he nodded. She said, “how much?” and he said, “About an eight.” An eight! Like I’m on Star Search! An eight is a very good score. I think I would beat the other contestants with an eight. I’m not really sure what I can do to get myself up to a ten? But I consider an eight a WINNER! That is, if the other contestants were to suck. Let’s assume they do.

When I did a search for “Star Search,” this came up. Who’s the kiddo in the teeny cowboy hat? A baby Justin Timberlake, that’s who. HOW ADORABLE IS THIS?

(UPDATE! I talked to Mom tonight, and she told me that he did NOT say “an eight” but “an EGG.” So I said, “That’s nice, that makes no sense,” and she said he’s started comparing his love to people to his favorite foods. For a while, he loved everyone “like a doughnut,” and now he loves everyone “an egg.” I said, “He does love eggs, right? It wasn’t a subtle toddler-insult, or anything, right?” and she laughed and said no, no, he LOVES eggs. So, he loves me an EGG. I’m king of the world, Ma! The Nephew loves me AN EGG!)

So yesterday I made a to-do list. I’m not really the best at those. But I have a lot of things coming up, and I needed to make a list of them. It was two pages long. This is…daunting. However, I do have, after this week, a lot more free time opening up. And, good news for people who like reading whatever nonsense I spew out on a regular basis, it looks like there’s going to be a LOT more of it to read over the next few months, as I will be using my free time to write and write and write. Serious things and humorous things. Get ready, interwebs, I’m going to be typing til my fingers fall off or I have a nervous breakdown, one or the other. Actually, neither of those would be a very good thing, would they? Let’s just say I’m going to be creating many things this summer, and leave it at that. I think you’ll like them. I will be drinking many cool drinks and sitting in front of a lot of air conditioning and typing and typing and typing. It’s going to be great.

Also, big blog anniversary coming up next month. A whole year of craziness! I haven’t decided what will happen. I’m poor, so probably not much. But you never can tell, really. Maybe some plans and schemes, who knows? Or maybe nothing. One can never quite tell, with me.

OK, here I go. Work work work. Oh, ALSO, I am ANCIENT, the concert lasted until almost ELEVEN last night, meaning I didn’t get home until almost ELEVEN THIRTY and I am SO SO TIRED TODAY. I know. I’m like a grandma, here. Where’s my cane and my fiber. But seriously, I am wiped. Whoo. Work’s going to be fun today! What with the eyes closing and such!

About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

23 responses to “If you’re wondering what I love him like, the answer is obviously pudding.

  • sj

    I’m trying to come up with something awesome to say on this post that made me laugh AND cringe, but I’m so tired and I have a headache and I’m not feeling particularly awesome.

    I’ve avoided my reunions so far, and I will continue to. I don’t have much interest in seeing those people again.


  • blogginglily

    I think “moving on” was probably a good call on your part. The facebook message pissed ME off and I wasn’t even involved. Like. . . “GOD you’re inconveniencing me. . . don’t you know I MUST have your address for the REUNION??? Everyone who’s ANYONE will be at the REUNION!”

    No good could come of it.

    You’re a good egg. Lily likes eggs too, but only if they have faces painted on them. Happy and Mad Egg are her favorites, but usually Mad Egg.


    • lucysfootball

      I love Mad Egg. He’s a good companion. I could use a Mad Egg, some days. This is one of those days, overall. Grumble.

      I was totally inconveniencing her. I know it’s a “I want to be able to cross ALL OF THE PEOPLE off my list, and DAMMIT, Amy is NOT COOPERATING!” I like to do my part to be annoying.


    • Jericha Senyak (@JerichaSenyak)

      It pissed me off too!! I started writing snarky replies in my head before I realized that um, it wasn’t my blog post OR ANYONE I’VE EVER MET and also that probably Amy was going to tell us her thoughtful reply* in a matter of lines and I could stop composing them for her. But GAH! REALLY!

      *You were very polite. You win for being a kind and subtle person. It was probably the perfect reply. Still, I couldn’t help wishing you had been just a little bit more horrid.


      • lucysfootball

        I’m trying to be nicer. It’s a thing I’m trying. It’s sometimes successful, and helps me sleep better at night, when I succeed. (I don’t always succeed. Not at all. Trust me.)


  • Rich Crete

    I like egg too. You win again!
    I like this scale very muchly. Tonight I’ll tell my wife I love her beer.


  • elaine4queen

    the only bullies that should be in your life are pits, staffies, and the like.

    poppet had a lovely time the other day with her new love, charlie. i predict MANY photos.


    • lucysfootball

      I love ALL those types of bullies. Those are my favorites! I like the dogs that look tough but are really just big loves.

      Can’t wait to see the photos!


      • elaine4queen

        those dogs are that, alright. i took a couple of photos of charlie the other day, but nothing great yet. we let them play together in a fenced off area and they were very good, and later we took them to a scruffy area behind the allotments. they were so good together, charlie forgot to be afraid.


        • lucysfootball

          Pits are my favorite. When I worked at the humane society, we got a lot of them, and I used to set some time aside every day to cuddle with the big scary pit bulls that everyone freaked out about but were actually the sweetest dogs in the world and just wanted to cuddle. When I finally have a place where I can have a dog, and the time for one, it’s a rescued pit bull for me.


  • Heather

    I have absolutely no interest in attending my high school reunions, either. Those folks can take a flying leap.

    Since we’re all divulging our favorite foods, I like you like stuffed shells, lasagna, and prime rib. AND BACON.


    • lucysfootball

      YAY! I like favorite food day. Also, who actually GOES to those reunions? And what HAPPENS there? I can’t imagine it’s a good time.


      • Heather

        It can’t be a good time. I mean, yeah, you get to laugh at all the people who treated you like crap, who now LOOK like crap, but then you have to mingle and shmooze, too. No thank you. I can imagine those people in my head and laugh at them from my own living room (and have a much better time).


  • lahikmajoe

    Lot of egg-related stuff hereabouts lately…hmmm…


  • Andreas Heinakroon

    Very good reply. Controlled and to-the-point. And intelligent.

    Haven’t actually attacked anyone myself (although it was a close call in Mumbai – yes, you know who you are, crazy taxi driver), but I know the feeling. Rage is a powerful thing. And scary.


    • lucysfootball

      I haven’t since I was in high school and the kid that had been bullying me pushed me down one time too many. I lost it. Sincerely lost it. I barely remember what happened, other than I was clawing his face, trying to get to his eyes, when they pulled me off him. Hasn’t happened since. But it’s interesting that there’s a breaking point, and we all have it, you know?

      She never responded. I guess that was enough of an answer for her? Good, I really didn’t want to talk to her ever, ever, EVER again.


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