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Everyone’s a hero in their own way – you, and you, and mostly me, and you.

I’m HOME!!!!

Listen, I decided yesterday I might be the worst bon vivant, because I almost wept when I opened my door, I was so glad to be home. I mean, sure, it was nice to be on vacation, but it was even NICER to be in my own home, with my things all where I wanted them, and Dumbcat, and my television and my bed. OH MY BED. Listen, I slept like a dead person last night. Eight straight hours. Didn’t even wake once. Only woke up when I did because I had to go to the bathroom. I didn’t sleep that much when I was on vacation even once. I was working with a sleep deficit, I think. I made up for it admirably.

OK, so yesterday was THE LONGEST DAY EVER ZOMG.

This bears little on our tale, but the night before, we went to a restaurant that was a ROADHOUSE and you could throw peanut shells on the floor. This made Dad happy because he likes to make a mess so he threw SO MANY PEANUT SHELLS ON THE FLOOR. Also, the food was good and my margarita was huge and frosty and I got a dessert in a little tiny bucket that I got to keep and bring home. It was kind of adorable. So if you go somewhere that they have such things, go to Logan’s Roadhouse (caution, that website makes a shit-ton of noise when you click on it.) They let you make a mess! On purpose!

Make a mess! It is OK! I told Dad he should start doing this at home, Mom wouldn’t mind. He gave me a dirty look.

First, we stayed in a hotel. The hotel was not conducive to getting a good night’s sleep. It was the loudest hotel in the history of loud hotels. There was an air conditioner that sounded like a jet engine taking off; there were walls that were as thin as paper so you could hear everything the neighbors were doing (and apparently the neighbor on one side of us had some sort of sneezing sickness because he SNEEZED EVERY FIVE SECONDS); and the bathroom had this toilet that flushed with the pressure of like an industrial suction machine or something and you could hear it a kajillion miles away. So I put on my MP3 player but I can’t sleep if I hear music. I mean, it cut out the sound of neighbors, but it still made me hear music. So I tossed and turned and grumped and grumped for the entire night. Not fun times. Amy with not enough sleep = bad news.

After a very bad experience with the hotel wafflemaker (I LOSE AT HOTEL WAFFLEMAKING! I did NOT put in enough batter and it was all lopsided and very, very sad) it was time to go to the airport. Dad was driving back home yesterday, and was torn between getting an early start or driving me to the airport, then turning around and backtracking and getting on the road. There was a free shuttle that would bring me to the airport, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted me to take it because he kept saying, “If I put you on the free shuttle, you’ll think I don’t love you.” I EXPLAINED that I would think NO SUCH THING, but he was all, “NO NO NO” so when he was busy elsewhere I signed myself up for the free shuttle and took the decision out of his hands.

The free shuttle was kind of harrowing because the man driving it seemed to think he was a cast member of The Dukes of Hazzard. There were a lot of quick stops and turns where I swear we were up on two wheels and lots of honking. I’m pretty sure none of us were in THAT much of a hurry to get to the airport, and also that we would like to be alive to get on our plane. I did a lot of grabbing at the seat and thinking, “Holy hell, I think we’re going to die right now, this is NOT how I planned on going out.”

Airport shuttle or the General Lee? YOU DECIDE.

Once we got to the airport, I realized that I was much, much too early to check in for my flight, so I had to sit and wait and wait and wait. I had a book, though. That was good. Listen, if you ever go on vacation, I recommend taking a G. R. R. Martin novel, because you will have PLENTY to read wherever you find yourself. Although, listen, people who have read the Song of Ice and Fire series, did A Feast for Crows lag a little for you? I’m not saying I don’t like it. I do. It’s fine. But I have a couple of problems. The fact that it’s missing a couple of my favorite characters, for one. The fact that it’s introducing new characters that I’m a wee bit bored by, for two. And it’s very heavy on the – um, what’s it called. Heraldry? There’s a lot of “this house’s sign is three ravens holding hearts in their mouths on a field of blue” that goes on for PAGES and listen, I’m sure if I were a child of Westeros that would be important for me to know? But mostly I want to get to the ACTION. Even the chapters with my people, which I have to wade through boring stuff to get to, seem a little pale. It’s fine, I’m not saying I want to stop reading the series or anything, of course I don’t. But it’s not as good as the three books leading up to it have been, that’s all. Who’s read the next book in the series? Does it get back on track?

I am kind of BORED, Martin. Grump. Grump.

Anyway, that was a huge tangent. OH! ALSO! Is the HBO series taking on a life if its own or what? I guess it’s following the True Blood model of “meh, start with the source material and then just go all willy-nilly wherever you want?” The end of last night’s episode, I was all, “WHAT THE EFF? This is a new development.”

Oh, ok, back to it. So I waited and waited and finally they opened the gate and I was the sixth person in line and the line was moving slow like molasses and some woman was all, “If you’re not checking anything, you can express check in over here” so I left the line and went over there only to find out that NO YOU COULD NOT, not unless you’d web-checked-in the night before. MISLEADING. Don’t make lying announcements, airline lady. So then I had to get to the BACK of the line because I don’t cut lines, that’s an asshole thing to do. So then there were a MILLION people in front of me, give or take a million.

Then it was time to go through security again. I totally had liquids in my bag that I didn’t bother to put in a quart baggie and declare. I know. I’m a total terrorist. I had three bottles of nailpolish. I could bring down a whole PLANE with those. I was very tired and was all, “Let’s see if they make me throw them away. Probably they won’t.” Now, everyone at security was totally cranky, until they saw my Dr. Horrible t-shirt. Then they were MY BEST FRIENDS. I’m not even kidding, apparently everyone at that airport was a closet geek. I got a “look at that t-shirt” and a “hey, Chuck, check out her t-shirt” and a “yay, Dr. Horrible!” and one woman just waved me to the front of a line after telling me “cool shirt!” This seems to be how you can charm airport security, for future reference, people.

This is the exact t-shirt that did the charming. Is it not the cutest? Yes. Yes, it is. It was a limited run and is sold out now. Sorry, geeks.

Also, I totally saw some racial profiling going on while I was there. It made my heart hurt. You don’t need to give attitude to an adorable bubbly two-year-old just because her mom is wearing a hijab. I was behind that family in line for a long time and they were SO NICE. If they were terrorists, they were hiding it REALLY WELL. Anyway, no one called me out on my nailpolish (that’s worrisome, how is that not picked up on the scanner? Or is it and they don’t care?), but the man in front of me got in trouble for not taking off his belt. In security’s defense, he was a total douchecanoe about it. There were about fourteen “take off your belt” signs and he was all, “NO ONE TOLD ME I HAD TO TAKE OFF MY BELT! WHY DO I HAVE TO IT’S NOT DANGEROUS.” You’re an ass, take off your damn belt. As we learned at the Marine Center, THAT’S THE RULE.

Then, more waiting, more waiting! The plane was also about half an hour late, even though the board kept saying “on time.” Half an hour late is not “on time.” I saw my cousins again. They were all sunburny. I know people are going to be curious why I am not sunburny. The answer is: I stayed inside as much as I could for my Florida vacation, and when I went out, I slathered on the sunscreen. I am a vampire. I did get one burn, so one arm has a weird farmer’s tan right now that is super-unpretty. It’s the only thing I have that proves I was in Florida. Well, and those creepy wax monkeys. And a bag of seashells.

Then it was time to board the plane. There was a row with no one in it and a stewardess standing in it. (Are they stewardesses anymore? I feel like that’s not PC. What are they now? Oh, Google says they’re flight attendants. Why am I stuck in the 60s? Sorry, lady.) She said if I sat there, I had to be prepared to HELP IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY. “Are you prepared to help in case of an emergency?” she asked. I very seriously told her, “I think I would win at that. I’m very good at helping. And emergencies.” She looked at me like I was a crazy person, sighed, and told me I could sit there. It was awesome, with lots of leg room, but no tray table. A weird hipster girl sat next to me and she was wearing a fedora. I didn’t like that much. But she was quiet, so who cares.

I just did some research and this is a coveted place to sit, apparently. I WIN!

We totally had to have special emergency training for our special job, which was “in case of emergency, look out your window. If the plane is not underwater, open the door that is also your window and usher people out. You go out last.” So in other words, in case of emergency, I was like a hall monitor, and also I would probably die because I had to wait until everyone was out to leave. Also, I had to read the emergency materials in the back pocket of the seat. The thing that cracked me up was that it gave you pictorial instructions on how to save all the lives, and one of the things it told you NOT to do was, once you opened the window-door, not to stop to have a cigarette while you were out there. You know. As you do. You’re all, “THE PLANE’S ON FIRE! I have OPENED THE WINDOW-DOOR! Everyone, out this way! Just a sec, I’m totally having a nicotine fit, I’ll help you through that window-door in a sec, Granny McGurk.” FINE. I was totally prepared for this imaginary emergency.

Except I was very tired so I fell asleep about ten minutes into the flight and slept until about half an hour before we landed. So if there was an emergency, I probably wouldn’t have been much good. I’m pretty groggy once I wake up. Also, I’m pretty sure I was so tired I was snoring. Whenever I woke up, the hipster chick was watching me like I’d gone bonkers. When I’m really tired, HIPSTER CHICK, I snore like a CHAINSAW. I am SORRY I interrupted you reading your INDIE POETRY MAGAZINE while you listen to BON IVER.

SO COOOOOL.

Then we landed and I drove home while listening to loud music and eating all the wasabi peas and when I got home, Dumbcat was meowing and meowing because he apparently thought I was dead, and has not stopped yet. It’s been about 14 hours. Still hasn’t stopped. Well, he might have stopped when I slept, I don’t know. I slept like a dead person, as mentioned. I woke up and he was under my covers, all snuggled up to me like a hot water bottle of a cat. He is SO HAPPY I’m not dead. Poor dumb boy. I feel bad he thought I was dead.

Now I’m home. In the time I’ve been home, I slept, put away my vacation things, and purchased enough theater and concert tickets to keep the local economy going for a good long while. No, seriously, I have the most shows and events planned for the next month, it’s insane. Ready? Ready?

This month, I’m seeing The Farnsworth Invention, The Real Thing, Hair, Hairspray, and God of Carnage (those are all the live theater shows); running auditions for Twelfth Night; ushering for The Farnsworth Invention; seeing Ingrid Michaelson in a sold-out show at one of my favorite venues; as well as various things like rehearsals and board meetings and such. And seeing two of my favorite people on Saturday who are coming in from out of town to see a show with me. Oh, and working, can’t forget that, blech. I ALSO got tickets for Conor Oberst in July and – AND!!! – sixth row aisle for my favorite concert ever, which I’ve seen three times before and this will be the fourth – ARLO GUTHRIE IN NOVEMBER! I could not be more excited about that one. I got the announcement he was coming and screamed a little while I was on vacation and Dad was all “You really need to stop blowing out my eardrums like that, you are SO LOUD” but it’s Arlo! Right before THANKSGIVING! (Dad hates Arlo. Who can guess why? That’s right. He’s a dirty hippie.)

I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU AGAIN ARLO!!!

OK. This is long enough, and I have a million things to do before auditions tonight. SO HAPPY TO BE HOME. Bon vivantery has its place, but I’m happy to be back. Thank you all for coming on vacation with me! Back to the grind tomorrow. Happy Monday, all! Hope your day is full of unicorn rainbow kittens!

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About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

33 responses to “Everyone’s a hero in their own way – you, and you, and mostly me, and you.

  • Cara V. (@fictionalchick)

    “If I put you on the free shuttle, you’ll think I don’t love you.” LOL- that’s totally something my Dad would say…

    If you ever want to see how totally spacey, retarded, self involved, or stupid people can be- watch the security line at any airport… I mean- I don’t dig racial profiling- there are psychopaths everywhere- but I can’t really blame the TSA for always having that “I HATE HUMANITY” look on their face because EVERYONE seems to turn into a deaf, blind, mute, retard when they go through security. No wonder they now want to poke and prod us looking into our very souls when we go through- because we DESERVE it… people like Belt Guy are the cause of everyone else’s trouble going through airport security… and man there are like 500 belt guys who travel every few hours at your run-of-the-mill international airport… the metal detector goes off on the girl in front of me and she’s like… “OOPSY, I forgot to take my cell phone out of my pocket!” Really? Because you had THIRTY GODDAMN MINUTES TO PUT YOUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER BEFORE YOU GOT UP HERE!

    BTW I love walking barefoot through the line… how awesomely clean does that make you feel? It’s liberating, really.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      It amazed me, both coming and going, how stupid people were. The signs were self-explanatory, and there were a LOT of them, and the lines leading up to security were quite long. But people still had coins in their pockets. Or belts. Or didn’t take their laptop out of their bag. Or millions of other stupid things that were clearly written on the list of dos and don’ts to make going through easier on everyone. I think it wasn’t just my shirt that made the security guys nice, but the simple fact that I was friendly, and I followed directions!

      Also, it’s just another example of the average person doesn’t think rules pertain to them. “I’m not a terrorist! I don’t need to take off my belt!” You jackhole. EVERYONE NEEDS TO TAKE OFF THEIR BELT.

      Like

  • becomingcliche

    There are so many things to like about this post, I just don’t even know where to begin.

    Like

  • elaine4queen

    if you don’t mind i will not read ‘feast of crows’ or anything pertaining to it. i absolutely won’t stand for all that medieval style contextualizing. or whatever it’s supposed to be. i saw a shocking infographic http://www.businessinsider.com/infographic-the-top-10-most-read-books-in-the-world-2012-5
    i am not sorry to announce that the diary of anne frank is the only one of those that i have read all the way through. i enjoyed the hobbit but had to give up on LOTR because of all the unnecessary crap. still, it seems it’s *just me*. (and you, a bit)

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I’ve read 6/10 of those books. Some I enjoyed more than others. I haven’t read any of the LOTR books (but am starting, soon.) The Song of Ice and Fire books are quite good. Lots of sex and shocking developments. You might like them!

      Like

  • Kristen Armstrong (@krispix24)

    I did find that A Feast for Crows dragged for me, but A Dance With Dragons picked things back up. It is worth the read – lots of Tyrion in that one! Oh gods, please don’t tell me the TV series is going to go all True Blood on me! I am an episode or two behind, but I have been noticing some departures that I don’t get. But I swear if we get anything like the witches from True Blood I may have to stop watching. I cannot go through that again!

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    • lucysfootball

      It didn’t go COMPLETELY off the rails. It wasn’t the weirdest development. But (unless I’ve lost my mind!) the ending of last night’s episode was a real departure, and I think it would be a little difficult to bring the one storyline back in line with the books after it. It won’t ruin it. It’s not as bad as those stupid True Blood witches. (I’m with you. Those were AWFUL.) But I did see it last night and think, “Huh. This is…new?”

      Like

    • lucysfootball

      No, it wasn’t True-Blood-witches bad (which was totally the worst, I agree) – it was just this one storyline that veered off (I think – I don’t remember that happening? And I think I’d remember it) and now I don’t know that they can get it back on track. But I don’t think it’ll ruin it. It’s just different, and I’m wondering why, especially since what happened in the books was (I thought?) totally filming-worthy.

      Like

  • blogginglily

    I thought Arlo Guthrie died in a plane crash.

    “Does it get back on track?”
    Sorta. He made that book so fucking huge that he decided to split it out by characters. . . that’s why your favorites were missing. . . all the stuff that happens in the NEXT book occurs at the same time as the previous book. . . just some of the favorites you missed. I liked the next book a lot better regardless.

    I wanted to find out what was going on with Arya and Tyrion and Jon Snow. . . not those other a-holes.

    Anyway: shit happens in the next book. More shocking shit like in the first two. Nobody’s safe from George R.R. Martin’s murderous pen!

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Arlo Guthrie is alive and well. I have seen him 4 times since 1992! He’s wonderful and funny and charming.

      Arya’s in this book, but only a little. Not enough Arya. Not enough Sam. Not enough Jaime. Enough Brienne – she’s one of the few I’m happy with how her storyline is progressing. Not enough Sansa, not that I love Sansa, but that whole storyline is creepy and enthralling. No Tyrion. No Jon. No Dany. Grumble.

      Yikes! I just want my core people to be safe: Jaime, Arya, Tyrion, Jon. They can kill off the rest if they have to. I mean, I don’t WANT them all to die, but those 4 are the ones I’ll be really upset if they die. DON’T TELL ME IF THEY DO!

      Like

  • blogginglily

    nononononononono! I just lost a huge comment on this a-hole word press site. SO pissed. Now I’m not even going to re-address my lengthy GOT comment, OR tell you that I thought Arlo Guthrie died in a plane crash. No. Not going to.

    Like

  • blogginglily

    so pissed. Okay. . . fine, I’ll try to recapture it:

    That book got so long he split it into two volumes. The next book you’ll read takes place at the same time as the one you’re currently reading. . . just with the characters not covered in that book: Jon Snow, Tyrion, Arya, and Dany to name four. . . and SHIT HAPPENS. Major shit.

    Nobody is safe from George R. R. Martin’s murderous pen.

    Like

  • Heather

    Hahaha! Blogginglily wins the award for the most awesome comment confusion. :D

    I think *maybe* you should be glad that the fourth book is taking so long–it will prolong the time you have until you get to the end of the fifth book and get depressed and start raging like my husband: “I’m done with the fifth book. I’m so depressed. DAMN. IT. Why do I have to wait for the next book? How long is it going to take? I’m so depressed. DAMN. IT.” And so on. Poor guy. I think I’ll wait until they’re all out before I read them. Delayed gratification, baby.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      But I think people are worried because he might DIE before he finishes the series! He is a little old. And he writes SLOWLY! I think the next book was supposed to be out by now but it’s taking forever and a day. I’m trying to take my time, but I’m already on book 4, and I only started reading them in November, I think.

      Like

      • Heather

        I can’t remember when Eric started reading them, but I know he read them faster than I have ever seen him read anything before. He started watching the series, too (bought the first season on DVD), but he stopped just before the end, I think. I don’t know what that’s all about. I kind of want him to catch up so I can hear him say, “What the hell?” like you did. Haha! I’m trying very hard not to tell him all of this so it’s just a big SURPRISE! when he finally gets there. Hee hee!

        Like

  • jbrown3079

    An Arlo Guthrie fan! I love “Coming Into Los Angeles”. And Alice’s Restaurant is as funny as it gets.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I adore him. He’s wonderful in concert. I’ve been a fan since I accidentally caught “Alice’s Restaurant” on PBS in high school and have been lucky enough to see him live 3 times now – it’ll be 4 in November! (And I’m almost always the youngest in the audience!) :)

      Like

  • lahikmajoe

    I’m getting to this a day later than is acceptable, but I enjoyed it and that’s the point of blog commenting, right? To tell you when it was enjoyable. Or that it was terrible, which is most definitely not the case here.

    Oh, but my comment has been so vague that Word Press might think this is spam. Here’s something specific to this post:

    You can still be a bon vivant while in the confines of your place. You’re on the home-bound bon vivant team.

    Play fair.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      You can comment whenever you want. You get a pass.

      Homebound bon vivant? How does that work? I just really, really live it up in my tiny apartment? That seems like cheating!

      Like

  • Kelly Naylor

    Ah! God of Carnage… saw that preview weekend. I really enjoyed it (of course, I’ve never NOT enjoyed something at Cap Rep, which is why we are subscribers), but I thought the ending was…

    Like that. Kind of like it ended not quite at the end, but a little bit before the end. But maybe it was just me. And my Spousal Unit. And my mother-in-law. Still, there were certainly plenty of good times! Many funny bits!

    Although I would be stellar going through airport security (unless they wanted to touch me, then I’m pretty sure I would freak out), the actual Being On The Plane part would need more medication than I have. Certainly something stronger than mere Valium. Apparently, I have a “thing” about being enclosed in a small space with a whole lot of other people, none of whom I know. Kudos for being an excellent Going Through Security person and and excellent Flying Through The Air In A Metal Bin person!

    I am contemplating seeing Arlo, too! It will take some convincing of the Spousal Unit, since he is much more a fan of Arlo’s dad. Still, it could happen.

    I must go have a panic attack now because our concert is in 3 weeks (and 2 days… fine), and I do not have Everything Memorized yet! Ack! Ack! I am the Memorizer! Oh wait. I actually have most of them memorized already. Never mind. I’m off to memorize the three I dislike the most. LOL

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    • lucysfootball

      I just heard that the reviews of “God of Carnage” were awful! I’m worried, because I’m so excited about it, and I’m friends with one of the reviewers and she and I usually agree on things…eek! I hope I love it as much as I think I will!

      No one touched me at security. I was worried they would, but I went through like the breeze. It was all a lot easier than expected. And I never minded flying back in the day when I was all footloose and fancy free and did it a lot, so I’m glad I still don’t freak out.

      Oh, Arlo will be wonderful! His shows are always great. Tell the Spousal Unit that he always sings some of his dad’s songs, sometimes as a singalong!

      What concert are you doing? That’s exciting, right? Whoo-hoo! Go, you!

      Like

      • Kelly Naylor

        That’s why I love preview weekend so much… the critics haven’t had anything to say about anything yet (and Maggie is a hoot when she doesn’t have to be serious). Of course, I generally don’t pay attention to critics ANYWAY, because… pfffft! What do they know? I had a wonderful, wonderful friend a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away who did movie reviews. We rarely agreed, and still managed to be friends. (But seriously… how can a person NOT love Monty Python and the Holy Grail? It’s all about The Wacky!)

        *I* thought God of Carnage was brilliant (as the Brits like to say). I’m sure you will love it as much as you think you will.

        Ah! Arlo singing his dad’s songs will definitely be a draw for the Spousal unit. I shall begin plotting and planning now.

        I sing with the Capital Pride Singers, and we’re doing our Spring concert on 5/31. OMG! WE’RE OPENING FOR PRIDE!! Yes, so very, very exciting! I can hardly stand it! But I’m going to have to stand… for about 45 minutes. Oh, I LOVE to sing so, so, SO much!!! Wheee!!

        Well. Now that I’m all wound up, I may be awake until midnight. Heh. And yippy skippy, I have another day full of mind-numbing Evil Program Upgrades tomorrow; sleep deprivation should make that a whole lot more interesting.

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          Hey, I think I might know people that sing with the Capital Pride Singers! Unless they’re in another group, because there are two that I get mixed up. We have two couples at the theater that are in two different groups that have similar-ish names, and I always get them switched around. But PROBABLY I know someone who’s in that group with you! How cool is that?

          And, BREAK A LEG! That is SO EXCITING! I went to pride probably…oh, I want to say 8 or so years ago? My old roommate and I ran the table for the Damien Center. We had the best day, seriously. So much fun. Such a joyful day all-around. But now I work on Saturdays, so no fun for me. Grumble.

          Like

          • Kelly Naylor

            You might know some of them, because some of them are also Theater People! I don’t know all the theaters all of them are associated with, but mostly I hear about Albany Civic Theater. But it’s wicked cool that we might know mutual persons outside of the Internet.

            Pride is on Sunday! Wheee!!!!! June 10. Wheee! I will be at the CPS table under a big tent, recruiting unsuspecting people to join our group with my alluring red hair and vibrant personality. Well, that’s the reason our operatic soprano gives for having joined, anyway. LOL

            Like

            • lucysfootball

              Ooh, pride is on Sunday???? Why did I think it was on Saturday? Maybe I can make it! I hope I can, I had so much fun when I went before! If I do I will stop and say hi! I will do you a favor and not join the chorus, though. Because no one wants that. I have the melodic voice of…what can’t sing? A hippo. I have the melodic voice of a hippo.

              Like

              • Kelly Naylor

                I won’t let the Spousal Unit join either. He thinks he’s a tenor, but he isn’t. He’s really a bass. When he sings in the correct range he’s fine except he can only sing melody; harmony is a foreign concept. So yeah… he’s only allowed to come to the concerts and enjoy the rest of us being awesome.

                We do have a person who doesn’t sing like a hippo, but doesn’t quite sing like a person either. He’s sort of a cross between Bob Dylan and an angry bird of some sort. I find him disturbing, though not as disturbing as the warblers we used to have. Vibrato is fine. Sometimes. Where the composer indicates it is fine. All other times, duct tape would be my solution. We actually have a pretty good batch of folks right now. Our current director is the bomb diggity, and she drags the best out of us… kicking and screaming on some people’s parts, to be sure. :-)

                Like

                • lucysfootball

                  I know someone – who I won’t mention, or how I know them – who just cannot sing. Cannot. It’s warbly, like you mention. The person sings out of his or her range. Yet the person *thinks* he or she can sing. And it is worrisome, and I don’t know how someone can be so delusional. I mean, I KNOW I can’t sing. I know my voice is the worst. I sing alone in my car; I sing alone in my house. I do not sing when there are people around. Because I am painful to listen to. Don’t most people know these things? It’s amazing to me. It’s like those people that audition for American Idol. DO YOU PEOPLE NOT HAVE EARS?

                  Like

                  • Kelly Naylor

                    I had a roommate like that once. She really, really believed she could sing. She was completely tone deaf and could not hear that she was not singing what she thought she was singing. Also, her boyfriend was a real jerk. I don’t think the two are related, though.

                    Like

  • ProfMomEsq

    I started reading this post, then I realized — shit, I need to be taking NOTES. NOTES! Because there is so, so much goodness in here, and I didn’t want to forget, and I hate having to scroll back and forth between this skimpy little comment box and your post. It makes me lose my train of thought, especially when I can’t find the spot in your post I was looking for.

    Any-who

    I’m more or less convinced that the reason I go on some of the vacations we take is for the sole joy of coming home to sleep in my own bed. This may be something of a banging-my-head-against-the-wall-because-it-feels-so-good-when-I-stop thing, but it’s a very, very real thing. And quite pleasurable. So, ditto on that.

    Even if he did drive all “Dukes of Hazzard,” your shuttle driver is definitely Captain Stubing from the “Love Boat.” Creepy.

    We are kindred spirits of the anti-Sun tribe. It is nothing short of amazing to me that I am probably more Greek than anything else, yet my skin is so unbelievably white that you can way too many of my veins, and I may in fact glow in the dark.

    I laughed out loud at the description of the instruction card for the emergency row seat. I would have stolen it and hung it in our downstairs bathroom. Do think this is a ploy by the FAA to be sure you’ve read it. The flight attendants linger near your exit row seats, wait for the chuckles, then make the “cabin doors secured” announcement? Crafty, those flight attendants. It must be the peanut exposure.

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    • lucysfootball

      Oh, that’s not really my driver. That’s some photo I grabbed from the web. My driver was just some random sweaty chubby guy.

      Everyone in my family is swarthy. Italian-looking swarthy. I don’t know where I came from with my paleness. I joke about being switched at birth and my parents scowl at me but probably just because they’re in on the conspiracy.

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