Happy Tuesday of vacation! Let’s see if I can make this publish on the correct day so I don’t confuse the whole world, what do you say?
Today I slept until SEVEN. I know, totally decadent, right? Oh, wait, no. Not at all decadent. Dammit. Listen, I really am trying to sleep in. It’s just not happening. I wake up and I’m all, “VACATION VACATION WHOO!” and forget it, sleep, you’re out of here.
Dad and I decided today to visit the Marine Science Center in Ponce Inlet. This was decided because the website had turtles on it. I’m an easy sell when it comes to turtles.
Now, the Marine Science Center opened at 10. And it took about 45 minutes to get there. So of course Dad, who is the EARLIEST PERSON TO GET PLACES IN THE WORLD ZOMG, wanted to leave to get there at 9. I mean, it’s not like you won a PRIZE if you got there first. But my dad gets everywhere early. Like, when I was a kid, we’d get to church at least 45 minutes before mass started and then just sit there waiting. It was the worst. I think it’s just in case there’s some sort of emergency on the way. Like, maybe all the roads possibly leading to our ultimate destination are closed by flood or fire or zombie apocalypse, I don’t know.
So of course we got there fifteen minutes before it even opened and then had to sit in the really hot car waiting for it to open. It’s…well, it’s not the best plan, let’s be honest.
But I was in a good mood. TURTLES!
When you first show up to the Center, from the parking lot, you can see:
A pretty lighthouse! You could also go to the lighthouse park and climb up the lighthouse but that seemed like a lot of work so we decided against that.
Then when you FINALLY get out of the hot car and walk to the center, the first thing you see is:
A room full of tanks – and in those tanks are TURTLES! Soon you get to see those turtles closer, but this is just a teaser. I attempted to tweet this photo to everyone who was ANXIOUSLY waiting to go to the Center with me but at that very moment my phone lost all connection. I don’t want to give you a spoiler alert as to who is the enemy of this post, because you’ll see soon enough, but there is TOTALLY an enemy coming up. And he is WICKED. I’m pretty sure he’s the reason I had no phone coverage in the Center.
Then we went in (and there was a school doing a field trip there today and Dad was all “KIDS KIDS I HATE KIDS THEY ARE SO CHILDISH” and I had to roll my eyes at him fourteen times) and the lady at the desk wanted to stamp a turtle on my hand. Then she took one look at how hard I was eyeing the “touch the stingrays” tank and laughed and said “I’m going to stamp this on your arm, not your hand. I think you’re heading for the stingray tank.” “YES I AM!” I said. Dad laughed at me. Because I was VERY EXCITED.
The first thing you see when you enter the center is the gift shop but I told Dad we would come back to that. Because – TIME TO TOUCH THE STINGRAYS!!!
I think I looked like the kind of person that really, really needed to touch a stingray, because the man working there told me in a quiet voice to stand in one specific corner of the tank and put my arm in to the elbow and the stingrays would think I was going to feed them and then let me touch them.
Next we noticed that all those children that were annoying Dad were sitting around a man who was HOLDING A TEENY TINY OWL. I think the talk he was giving was FOR the children, but what were they going to do, kick me out of the science center? So I listened to the talk about the teeny tiny owl. And took a photo. Because OWL.
After owl time it was TURTLE TIME. First, freshwater turtles in a big tank. They were all sunning themselves under heatlamps and had much personality.
I kind of geeked out about the turtles. I love them so. Also, no one but Dad and I were even LOOKING at the turtles! No one cared. So sad.
Then there were various aquatic tanks, like one with a fish that I thought was a puffer fish but it was actually a porcupinefish. He did NOT want his photo taken. I mean, I did it, but he was not standing still to pose, even when I told him to smile for the camera.
There were also these pretty fish: lionfish, I think. I should have taken notes.
Then Dad was all, “Oh, crap, THIS is going to eat your face” and I turned around and saw THE FACE OF EVIL. I’m pretty sure this is why I didn’t have cell phone service in the Center AND the cause of all evil in the WHOLE WORLD.
This is the evil moray eel. It had EVIL BEADY EYES and SHARP JAGGEDY TEETH and if you walked close to the tank it DARTED its HEAD at you like it wanted to be eating your brain out of your ears. Also, its eyes followed you in the whole room. It was a very dark force and probably the last thing we will all see before we die. EEEEEVVVVIIIILLLLL.
Then we went into the turtle rehab room that I showed you a photo of earlier. You could look down from a walkway into tanks of turtles being rehabbed. There was another talk going on for those children, so of course we listened to it. And I met my long-lost daughter.
Lady giving the talk: Here are our turtles.
Child 1: Why are there turtles?
Child 2: I like turtles.
Child 3: Did you know that turtles live in the ocean? I think you should put that turtle in this tank. Also, I ate shrimp for dinner last night. Did you ever go on a boat? Would that turtle let me touch him?
I told Dad I thought that child was my long-lost daughter and he said, “Because she NEVER SHUTS UP” and I said, “And is also quite awesome. Don’t forget that part. That she’s also awesome.”
Then we went to the gift shop, where I bought turtle-related items, and also gifts, and jewelry. I am kind of helpless in the face of that much turtle goodness. I almost bought a stingray necklace but Dad and I decided it was not as pretty as the turtle necklace. Even though I already have a number of turtle necklaces. Yes, I have a NUMBER of turtle necklaces. What? Doesn’t everyone? No? Well, what’s wrong with you, then?
Then we went outside, and realized there was ANOTHER part of the Center we didn’t see. BIRD REHAB!
What’s that? You want MORE Great Horned Owl photos? You can have them. I took a million and a half. I knew you’d want them. Also, I named him Shelby. I mean, once he’s my pet, he’ll need a name.
Finally, we saw pelicans!
Then it was time to go home. Oh, wait, no, one more weird thing. An asshatty guy came up to Dad and was all, “HOW DO WE GET IN” in a totally obnoxious way and Dad was like, “Um, you don’t? This is pretty close, right?” and the guy was all, “THIS IS A SCIENCE CENTER THEY HAVE TO ALLOW US IN THERE IT’S THE RULE” and Dad was like, “Whatever you say, buddy” and the guy walked off all huffy. But he was FURIOUS he apparently couldn’t get INTO the cages with the injured birds? I wanted him to get in with Shelby. Shelby would have ripped that guy’s face clear off. But then the asshat’s wife was all, “Um, honey, we’re not in the Science Center, that’s up the hill?” and the guy was all “THIS IS MISLEADING SHIT SHIT SHIT” and stomped off. Shelby glared at him as he left. Shelby doesn’t like asshats, I can tell. We should have told that guy to put his whole arm in the moray eel’s tank. Would that have been close enough for him, do you think? Dad’s been pretending to be that guy all day. “Amy, I HAVE TO GET CLOSER TO THE OCEAN IT’S THE RULE.” It’s cracking my shit up.
Now we’re lounging around and we watched an old Clint Eastwood movie, and that was nice, and Clint Eastwood was hot AND a badass, and I do so like both of those things. Then in about an hour I will go pick up more shells on the beach in the sunset. I think if I lived here year-round and didn’t have to work I wouldn’t be sarcastic anymore. But then, what would I blog about? Nothing. The answer is nothing.
Tomorrow, we will be visiting the zoo! Kookaburras! Caracals! MANY PHOTOS! Oh, the world is an exciting place, isn’t it?
(Title’s from Dr. Seuss’s Yertle the Turtle. But you knew that, right? Of course you did.)