I have nothing in my headarea today. I know. It’s like an empty tumbleweed place. I have a big project to do but I have to write this post first and I have NOTHING in my HEAD. So I am sitting here watching Glee from two weeks ago and repeating the part where Matt Bomer and Darren Criss sing “Somebody That I Used to Know” to each other over and over. Yes. I am JUST THAT FANCY. What? You want to see it so YOU can see it over and over? You can. You totally can.
I will freely admit that I am more than a little obsessed with this song. Probably more than what is healthy. It’s just so GOOD, dammit. Also, Bomer and Criss? Yes, please. Although, Glee? Aw, remember when it was good? Me, too. ME, TOO. Why the hell is Sue having a baby? I am so perplexed by this turn of events, I can’t even tell you.
OK, FINE, let’s just do random crap Monday. Gah. What’s up with stupid-stupid brain today? I’m having some personal dramzzzzz that’s making me exhausted, let’s just leave it at that.
LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS (only no lions or bears)
So I work with this woman at my second job, and she went on vacation to Myrtle Beach a couple of weeks ago. When she got back, she had photos of her HOLDING AND CUDDLING BABY WHITE TIGERS.
Here’s what I learned about this situation that made me squeal to the top of my lungs:
- Baby tigers feel soft.
- Baby tigers PURR.
- You have to pay $79 for 5 minutes of tiger-cuddlery.
- You have to pay $50 for a photo CD of you holding the tigers if you want one.
- The tigers do not bite your face off.
- For an additional fee, you can swim with tigers. (I have to research this. This seems like a weird trick.)
Here’s the website. It’s loud. Don’t play it at work. It makes you listen to the loudest, most obnoxious videos ever.
Here’s a photo of swimming with tigers in a pool. See, I totally did my research. The tigers look furious, and who wants to swim with tigers in a chlorinated pool? No thanks.
Ok, I’ve been thinking about this all day. Would you pay over $79 plus $50 to play with a tiger for 5 minutes plus get a CD of the photos of that five minutes? That’s $129. For $129, I could buy a LOT of pudding. Or almost two tanks of gas! Or pay part of my cable bill! (Oh, side note, another thing you could touch for $79 was a monkey. NO THANK YOU. They’d have to pay ME $79 to touch a monkey. And even then I’d take the money and run. Gah. Monkeys.)
But…touching a BABY TIGER! I didn’t ever know they would be SOFT. I thought maybe more wiry. Now I know they are SOFT. And that they PURR. I mean, duh, I knew they were CATS, but don’t you think a purring baby tiger would be totally entrancing? Yes. Yes, it so would. But would it be $129 entrancing? I’m pretty cheap. I don’t know that it would be worth that much.
But…BABY TIGERS. Sigh. I mean, I’m not GOING to Myrtle Beach. This is all a HYPOTHETICAL. But I like to plan ahead for all eventualities, you know? Also, I know they’re probably not going to release these animals into the wild, but does it seem at all irresponsible to anyone that they’re allowing people to handle baby animals like that? Probably it isn’t, but it seems like it is.
Oh, Dad totally researched my zoo for our TRIP TO THE ZOO that will be occurring in LESS THAN TWO WEEKS and he’s no longer freaked out that my zoo is in someone’s backyard (his fear seemed to be that my zoo was in someone’s trailer and we were going to be psychomurdered once we got there) because he purchased a map and the zoo was right there on the map. So I think the zoo is DEFINITELY a go. This is super-exciting. KOOKABURRAS! I am COMING TO SEE YOU! IN SIX DAYS!
POETRY – WAIT, COME BACK HERE, YOU!
I wrote a piece on poetry over at Insatiable Booksluts. It’s National Poetry Month and I wanted to do something to celebrate that. No, don’t freak out. Poetry is GOOD. Poetry is your FRIEND. It’s a good piece, it has some wonderful poems in it, and I make it completely non-scary. Please check it out if you haven’t already. I’m kind of irresponsibly proud of it. You know how I love theater? I love poetry just that much, too. I know. Why can’t I love something that can make me some money? Who knows. One of the eternal mysteries of life, right there.
In honor of National Poetry Month, I’ll give you the line of poetry I can’t get out of my head lately: “nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands”. I am in love with e.e. cummings. He thrills me. Such beautiful lines and spacing and imagery.
So go go go! It’s unscary. And it’s fun. And you’ll see some poems that I love and I hope you love. And writing it made me happier than almost anything.
I found out about THIS today. Are you so excited? PANDA CAM PANDA CAM.
I don’t think I can embed it. So you have to click. But the pandas are doing panda things and being panda-ey.
I think the world would be a better place if we could just watch live zoo cams all day long, seriously. Instead of working. Or dealing with crazy people. MORE ZOO CAMS LESS INSANITY. That’ll be my platform when I run for office.
OK, I’m off to work on the NEXT project, even though my brain seems to have taken some sort of holiday and not even left me a note letting me know it planned to do so. How rude is THAT? Just about the rudest, is how rude. I want to punch it in the nose. WE HAVE THINGS TO DO TODAY, BRAIN. That involve you BEING ABLE TO THINK.
Happy Monday! I guess, at least. If Mondays are ever happy. They’re not, really, are they. Well…non-stabby-Monday, then! I hope your weekends were more full of brains that worked than mine was. Seriously, if you see my brain out gallivanting, tell him he needs to come home. I have plans for him and he can’t just go out for ice cream all the time, it’s so rude.
(Also, PS, R & A are headed to the hospital today because Baby Girl Awesomesauce is being the MOST STUBBORN and refuses to make her debut, so she’s going to be induced. So today’s totally Baby Girl Awesomesauce Day. I could NOT be more excited about this. Yahoo!)