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They couldn’t rock-paper-scissors for the damn award? CHILDREN know how to do that, come ON.

OK, everyone. It’s Tuesday. Tuesday the 17th. Of APRIL. You know what that means, right? DEADLINE DAY.

I mean, sure, tomorrow and Thursday will still be a little crazy – I play a lot of catchup the days following deadline day, with filing and other work I’ve been putting off, and listen, before you’re all WAH WAH FILING there is NO AIR CONDITIONING IN THE GD FILE ROOM SO EFFING HOOOTTTT – but after that, I have a half-day Thursday (well, a 3/4 day, we get out at 3:30) and a day off on Friday. Which kind of gets eaten up by a doctor’s appointment, annoying. But DAY OFF! And TAX SEASON WILL BE OVER! Then I only have one more week of work until vacation! My dad’s VERY EXCITED about my arrival. He is making all kinds of plans. Now we’re going to eat at a restaurant ON THE BEACH ZOMG. I got to do that when I visited California once and it was fan-freaking-tastic. I told Dad I was going to order seafood and then brandish my fork full of seafood tauntingly at the ocean. He said, “Well, we’ll be sure to get a table really far away from everyone. Because that might get us kicked out. Or at least looked at like we’re crazy.” I CAN NOT WAIT. Oh, Twitter’s totally coming with me on vacation. Won’t that be fun? I mean, probably not at all as fancy as the time Ken took us all to Berlin, but were there KOOKABURRAS and GIGANTIC FLEA MARKETS in Berlin? OK, fine, probably there were. But I don’t think Ken went to them. And I AM going to them. So THERE, I’m totally a bon vivant. I’m not the world-travelling part of it but I’m the bon-vivanty part of it. I’m going to ROCK being a bon vivant.

(SIDE NOTE about the flea market. I’m kind of obsessed with flea markets? And my dad knows that. And he likes them, too. And apparently there’s a HUGE one right next to where we’re staying. So Dad went to scope it out for when I come to visit. He adorably said, “Guess what I SAW at the FLEA MARKET yesterday?” when I talked to him, and when I said, “What?” he said, “A WHOLE TABLE OF NAIL POLISH!” I love the idea of my big old dad scoping out the nailpolish table. I said, “Was any of it sparkly?” and he said, “Some of it was VERY sparkly.” He totally knows what nail polish I like. The gaudy glittery kind. Also, he said, “I hope no one who’s coming to Florida likes silver jewelry, because there were tables and tables of it!” I LOVE SILVER JEWELRY. This is going to be a total win for me. He assures me there are no fleas, so I find the name of the market a little misleading. I’d like there to be a flea circus or something flea-RELATED, at least. I mean, they could at least TRY.)

Oh, and books! I'm TOTALLY going to be looking for all the books!

Oh, and also I found out that something fun and exciting is going to happen on my trip down! My dad hung out with his cousin, and found out that my second cousin and his family are coming to Florida on the SAME TEENY TINY PLANE as I am in a couple of weeks! I haven’t seen my cousin in – hell, over twenty years? I think he was probably just about to graduate high school the last time I saw him, and I was a few years younger than him. ANYWAY, so he’s some sort of big-time fancy cop now, and I totally want to TRICK him. I want to scope out the people getting on the plane, figure out which one he is (I mean, how hard can it be, he’s supposedly super-tall and handsome, with a pretty wife, around my age, and two pre-teen daughters. On a plane that seats about 50, how many people fitting that criteria can there be?) Then I’m going to sidle over like I’m a perpetrator? And I’m going to look all shifty-eyed at him. And then I’m going to say his name, like I’m a stalker. And that will make him all NERVOUS. Because he’s a COP. Then I’ll tell him who I am! Because I’m pretty sure he won’t remember me. I don’t look anything like the book-larnin’ kiddo I was the last time he saw me, all reading a book in the corner and afraid to look him in the eye. Or anyone, really. Anyone in the eye. Then we will be the best of friends and I will say hi to his wife and kids, who I have never met. (My mother told me that probably his dad will tell him to keep an eye out for me. If that’s the case, this top-secret plan will fall to bits. TO BITS I TELL YOU.)

This is going to be random and kind of short tonight. As if you couldn’t tell already. I have a million things to do and I’m utterly wiped. And tomorrow’s going to be worse, so I should at least TRY to get some sleep. Even th0ugh it’s probably not meant to be.

Oh, shit, I totally won ANOTHER AWARD I am turning down! I think I deserve an award for turning down awards. Jessica at Shh…Mommy’s Blogging nominated me for a Beautiful Blogger award. As always, aw! Thanks! But I’m turning it down. Because I hate nominating people for things and bothering people and I think these things might be like the internet version of a chain letter. But, THANK YOU SO NICE I’M AN ASSHOLE! Also, Jessica said, and I quote, “Plus, I’ve heard that in real life (Amy’s) easy on the eyes.” Aw, you! But whoever you heard that from is mistaken. I’m quite plainly average. I do have a jazzy butt-chin, though. You know, the kind that people totally get plastic surgery to get? I got one naturally. THROUGH GENETICS. And a bitchin’ widow’s peak. Like a 20’s movie star. Otherwise? Plain as an Amish woman hanging laundry with wooden pins while wearing a bonnet. I blend into the background like a ghost. Or a redshirt. I’d totally be the one to die to prove a point on some sad sci-fi drama from the 60s. Sorry to disappoint. Nothing easy about me, eyes-wise, mental-wise, trying-one’s-patience-wise. Totally sweet of you to say, though.

So I can’t check Twitter at work anymore, so I missed this whole kerfuffle, but apparently the Pulitzer Prize winners were announced today – and they couldn’t decide on a fiction winner, so decided not to award one this year. That seems kind of asshatty. I mean, they had it down to three finalists, and there were three judges, and I guess the rules are, if they can’t agree on a majority winner, there isn’t a winner. Well, if those are the rules, fine. I get rules. I’m down with ruleyness. But I mean, you’ve got three books. Three books that made it through all the hoops and got all the way to being Pulitzer-Prize nominated. Do you really feel SO STRONGLY about your choice that you can’t set it aside so one of those three books, which are probably all equally deserving, can win the Pulitzer? I mean, it’s really about the publicity, more than anything. It helps sell books. Don’t you want one of those three authors to sell more books? Don’t you want more people to READ more books? I think it’s shitty not to award one at all.

And, and, AND, one of the books was my best book of the year last year! Karen Russell’s Swamplandia!

OK, so listen. Maybe it didn’t WIN the Pulitzer? But this is a Pulitzer-Prize-nominated book; it’s Amy from Lucy’s Football’s top book of 2011; the author’s cute as a damn button and she’s only 29 so you COULD hate her a little but let’s celebrate that talent instead; and the poetry and sadness and wonder in this book just oozes off the pages. You get lost in this book. You mourn with this book. You thrill with this book. So, yes, I absolutely think there should have been a Pulitzer Prize winner for fiction this year. And it should have been Swamplandia! But even if it wasn’t chosen, you can read it. That’ll teach those non-choosy bastards a lesson, now, won’t it?

OK. I’m off to bed. Early. It’s 73 kabillion degrees here so I’m taking a freezing shower and lying in front of a fan. IN APRIL. Yep. I’m a delicate bloom, me.

Send good thoughts. Tomorrow’s going to be the worst? But it only gets better from here. I think I can, I think I can.

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About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

22 responses to “They couldn’t rock-paper-scissors for the damn award? CHILDREN know how to do that, come ON.

  • blogginglily

    “This is going to be random and kind of short tonight.”

    It makes me laugh that you included this notification two pages into the blog post.

    I sorta get the idea of not awarding the prize. If one book did not distinguish itself so much from the other that it is the clear winner. . . then perhaps it’s NOT deserving. On the other hand what if the two this year kicked the last decade’s worth of books’ asses. That wouldn’t be fair. Also. . . horribly awkward use of possessives in that sentence.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      It was earlier in the post, but then I kept adding crap in. I had a lot more to say than I thought.

      “Swamplandia!” is AMAZING. It deserves ALL THE AWARDS. Grumble, grumble.

      Like

  • Rich Crete

    Congratulations. Tomorrow it will feel like you have the most cake!
    Do try a grilled grouper sandwich when visiting a beachside joint……um……er…..I mean establishment while here in FL. They are all the good. (Don’t settle for that insipid mush talapia)

    Like

  • sj

    I can’t wait for photos of you waving your food at the beach. I really hope you decide to sing Part of Your World while you’re there. Please?

    Also, dear lady, don’t be mad, but I just remembered that I’d filed federal in January BUT FORGOT ALL ABOUT STATE until just today. It’s done, though, promise. DONE-ZO!

    Erm…anyway, that’s really all I had to say. I love rambling random Amy posts. I hope the rest of this week flies by for you and before you know it, you’re trying to scare your cousin at the airport.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      ZOMG, how obnoxious would that be, singing showtunes all loud at the beachfront restaurant. Dad would DIE. Hee!

      I’m glad you remembered! Yay for filing on time! I am not mad at all, I’m glad you filed!

      I can not WAIT for vacation. One week, 5 days!

      Like

      • sj

        I really hope you do. I don’t know why, but for some reason, I can’t stop picturing you as Ariel running around in Florida. You need to buy a long red wig, ‘kay?

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          I used to have long red hair. Back in the “Amy dyes her hair all the colors” stage of my life. Now I’m in the “Amy doesn’t care much about upkeep of all the things” stage of life. Plus I’m getting these awesome gray hairs and I’d be sad to cover them up. They’re totally impressive.

          Like

  • anirrationalratio

    Why didn’t they just give a join thing to the three of them? The Nobel Prizes do it, and they do bigger stuff than just books (not putting books down, I just mean…come on. You know what I mean.).
    I wanna go to a flea market! I’d probably buy nothing or only stupid stuff (Are crossbows legal in Florida? What about pistol crossbows? Without a permit? I’d totally shoot myself in the leg! :D Accidentally, obviously…)

    YAY for tax season being over (almost, just a few hours now)! I didn’t file any because I didn’t want to increase your workload, so you’re welcome.

    Are you going to eat gator while you’re down in the phallic state? I’m just curious. Also, I might be hungry, it is dinner time after all…I have some dog treats here…but I don’t think I’ll eat them. Probably. Nah. Most likely.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I know, I have huge plans for flea-market things. I’m not going to mention them, though. I want to SURPRISE people.

      You didn’t file taxes? Please tell me you’re kidding. You did, right?

      I don’t know. Dad says we can totally try gator, if I want to. Should I, I wonder?

      Like

      • anirrationalratio

        OOOHH! Plans! *moves to edge of seat to wait* (not sarcastic)

        Nope, not kidding! But our tax system is different so I don’t have to. YAY! (Anyway, from what I’ve seen of the forms, I’d totally get bored and put in something stupid somewhere for the fun of it…then I’d get in trouble.)

        Try it once at least. If life offers you an opportunity why pass it up? What if it turns out it’s the BEST MEAT EVER? If you don’t like it, meh, it was an experience. (It can’t be any worse than whipped cream vodka, right?)

        Like

  • Aleks (@yeksovic)

    Today I learned from you what a widow’s peak is. I had to look it up and wikipedia is very informative on the subject. Apparently it is an anomaly (that’s good in my book) and it doesn’t skip generations, so one of your parents must have it. If not, you’re probably adopted, but I wouldn’t trust the internet on this one. Also, “In stories and on film this trait is often associated with a villain;[11] Count Dracula is an example.” This is poorly researched, because obviously all the ladies in the 20s had it and they were not villains, not all of them. I’m full of new information now, that’s good. Good night and yay for the end of tax season!

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I’m a total anomaly. Just about everything about me is an anomaly. I’m the weirdest.

      I think my dad had it. but he’s bald now so I would have to look at an old photo to be sure. Or maybe my mom does? But she’s had bangs her entire life. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen her forehead.

      I am a VILLAIN! Hooray! That’s an exciting development!

      And yay, thank you! Done done done!!!

      Like

  • lahikmajoe

    @realestateDAD has a widow’s peak.

    I’ve always thought that was an ominous sign. Like his middle name. And the whole real estate thing.

    I’m not sure I can trust your motives anymore now that I know about this widow’s peak business.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      This entire comment made me laugh out loud in a public location. The whole town thinks I’m insane. Thanks, Ken.

      Now I’m dying to know his middle name. Is it something like Ebenezer? I’m trying to think what would be ominous to you. OH WAIT. Is his middle name “Jeff Goldblum?”

      Real estate might be ominous normally, but not for him. HE’S SO DAMN CHEERFUL. It’s utterly disarming. And charming. He’s just a peach.

      Oh, wait, there was a point when you DID trust my motives? Well, I should just be glad I pulled the wool over your eyes as long as I did, I guess.

      Like

      • lahikmajoe

        @realestateDAD has a serial killer’s middle name. Anyone with that middle name has to be watched very carefully.

        I’ve been doing so for nearly forty years, and I’m still uncertain about this one.

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          I am DYING to know his middle name right now. DYING.

          Is it a serial killer’s ACTUAL name? Like Manson? Or just one that you think seems serial-killery?

          He’s so not a serial killer. SO NICE, KEN. At first, I thought, no one could be this nice! But I think he actually might be. Is he that joyous in really real life? How much fun must that be?

          Like

          • lahikmajoe

            He really is just that way in real life. I have a few funny stories about how my reserved music school friends responded to his exuberance.

            Say the names of as many serial killers as you can think of. Quite a few who have middle names have the same middle name. Go ahead…do it.

            Like

            • lucysfootball

              He is just adorable. I’m so looking forward to your trip stateside. Does the internet get to come along on that one, too?

              It starts with a “W”, doesn’t it? I don’t think that’s a serial killer name, because one of my favorite people is named that. It is SAFE.

              Like

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