Randomness today. Real post tomorrow, promise. I already know what it’s going to be about, and everything. It’s all writing itself in my head as I write this one. But I don’t have enough time to do it justice right now. ALSO, I’m totally hot under the collar about something, and I need a day to sit with it so I don’t write the post all WTF and YOU ASSHOLE and HOW DARE YOU SIR. That last one would be especially egregious, considering it’s about a LADY. So, tomorrow. Unless I totally calm down by then. Which is unlikely. I’m totally filled with all the righteous fury at the moment, you guys. Spoiler alert: don’t even mess with my people. DON’T EVEN.
Oh, tax season check-in, right? OK. Three more days of work before this whole thing’s in the rearview. Three more days. Working there early tomorrow with no set leave time, which is fairly worrisome. HOWEVER, we’re getting that rumored catered luncheon after all! From my favorite deli! See, I don’t eat bread? So the lunchmeat has to be TOTALLY STELLAR, because yes, I eat a big honkin’ plate of lunchmeat. And the lunchmeat at this place is amazing. And the cheese. Oh, my, the cheese. And the pickles. And the olives. And the dressings. SO MUCH YUM. Very exciting. I don’t even have to pack a lunch tomorrow. So I get five extra minutes to blog tonight, what fun!
Oh, and again, thank you thank you THANK YOU, people who are checking in with me throughout the day to make sure my head hasn’t exploded. Seriously, I know I’m Queen of Flippancytown, but I can’t even describe how much it means to me. I know I’m a huge whine-ass about Twitter being gone, but it was my sanity. So you have taken it upon yourselves to check up on my state of mind. I have the best friends in the world, seriously. I am one lucky woman. Enough, I’m going to get ugly cry-face.
First, let’s address this: I WON AN AWARD! Which, as always, I AM REFUSING TO ACCEPT! LIKE AN ASSHOLE!
The lovely and amazing Elaine nominated me for a Blog on Fire award. Which is a very shiny title for an award, I must say,and makes me feel like Katniss, the Girl Who Was on Fire. And she said, and I quote (because, SIGH, I bet you didn’t click, did you? Although I know some of you already read her post, because you are awesome and already friends with Elaine and realize that being friends with her makes your life a better place) that she gave me the award because “wisecracking frizz haired amy, who blogs EVERY DAY! every single day. it’s like blogging is her superpower.” AW ELAINE!!! But, as always, I cannot accept the award, because it means I have to nominate eight other bloggers. And a., I don’t want to leave anyone out and potentially hurt anyone’s feelings, and b., I don’t want to annoy anyone by nominating them and making them feel like they have to jump through hoops to claim an award if they don’t really want to but they don’t want to hurt my feelings. BUT, again as always, I am so honored to have been nominated for the award. So, so honored. And rejecting the awards is totally a dick move on my part, I know, and I should just woman up and start ACCEPTING the damn things and NOMINATE the other bloggers I love but eh, I’m bad at choosing people last in gym class. So, no award for me. BAD ME. But, Elaine: thank you. Oh oh oh! AND, you GUYS, Elaine totally sent me THE BEST GIFT EVER recently. I’m saving a review of the BEST GIFT EVER for a post all of its own, which will be forthcoming once I can breathe and sleep again. But, listen, Elaine is awesomeness. That’s really all you need to know. I love her to pieces, and once that rich person thing works out, I’m totally visiting her in England. We are going to have the BEST EVER TIME. Oh, also, Elaine? My mom has a friend who lives in England and she worked for a hedgehog rescue. Can we see hedgehogs when I come to visit you? I like them quite a lot.
OK, next. I talked to Dad in Florida briefly tonight. In happy news, he has done some empirical testing, and has guaranteed me that I have wifi in the condo in Florida. EXCELLENT. There WILL be blogging while I am on vacation, oh, my yes. With PHOTOS. I KNEW I purchased my fancy pink digital camera for a reason. That reason is BLOGGING WHILE ON VACATION.
Second, he had a very exciting thing happen today and HE DIDN’T EVEN CARE.
Dad: Guess what I saw on the beach today?
Dad: Yes. But what else?
Dad: Ugh, you’re really bad at this game. YES ALSO PEOPLE. What ELSE.
Me: I don’t know. A killer stinging jellyfish?
Dad: The biggest turtle in the world.
Me: WHAT? You saw a GIANT TURTLE?
Dad: Yes. People pushed it back into the water.
Me: Did you take a picture? DID YOU TOUCH IT?
Dad: Take a picture with what? It’s not like people just walk around with cameras.
Me: Yes, in 2012, walking around with a device that would take photos at a moment’s notice would be cuckoo-bananas.
Dad: And, no. I did not touch it. Some other people pushed it back into the water. It took THREE PEOPLE to push it into the water. I didn’t even know what it was. I said, “What is that gross thing over there.”
Me: I LOVE TURTLES. I would have touched it. I would have touched it SO HARD.
Dad: You would have tackled those rescuers away from it in order to touch it. I know.
Me: I so would. I also would have taken a million photos. Oh, I hope there are turtles when I get there.
Dad: I’ll do my best to make that happen. How do you think a person calls a turtle?
Me: I don’t know. I’m sure in a cool and relaxed and awesome way, though.
So, yeah, there’s a possibility I could participate in TURTLE RESCUE when I am in Florida. You know I’ll be the best at that, right? And you KNOW what I imagine that turtle looks like, as well, don’t you?
Ack, this is so exciting I can’t even.
Oh, also, I just want to say, I have the world’s best BFF. That’s really all. I mean, you’re probably all thinking, “NO I DO!” Well, that’s nice, but you’re mistaken. I LOVE YOU BFF.
Also, The Nephew was at my mom’s house tonight, and she was washing his hands. He had a cut on one of his hands.
“What’s this?” she asked him. “How’d you get this boo-boo?”
He thought about it for a minute, then he said, “I think T-Rex bit that hand.” Then he laughed and went off to play.
Hee! T-Rex! I guess The Nephew’s daycare is in the middle of Jurassic Park? Also, he is 2.75 years old. And he is ALREADY SPINNING TALES OF WONDER AND MYSTERY. This is one amazing child. And one totally-genetically-bound-to-his-aunt child. Can you even IMAGINE the shenanigans the two of us are going to get up to when he’s a little older?
Also, in news of exciting, I just found out that he and his mom are coming up next weekend. AND, I just HAPPEN to have next Friday off. When he’s HERE. There is a distinct possibility I will get to spend more than an hour with The Nephew next weekend. I AM SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW.
I want to take him on the Aqua Ducks tour. It is my FONDEST DREAM. Look, there is a BUS that turns into a BOAT. And, according to my friend C., you get a DUCK CALL THINGY that you can honk while you are riding along. What kid wouldn’t love that?
Or, barring that, I just want to stare at his little face for a few hours while he tells me stories. That would be awesome, too.
OK. I’m going to bed. EARLY. I know. I KNOW! Listen, once I get out of work tomorrow, I have PLANS AND SCHEMES, no joke. Let’s see, I’m going to count them up in my head.
ONE big major plan I didn’t get to last weekend so I HAVE to do it this weekend (it’s top-secret, shh)
AT LEAST THREE blog posts to write
ONE secret-y plan I’m doing as a minor surprise for someone, shh
ONE Dumbcat that needs some major catch-up cuddle-time
ONE major, and also top-secret, project, that needs me to get started on it because it is almost deadline time!
That’s a lot of numbers. And a lot of secrets. I’m like a whole chamber of secrets all up in here.
So, I’m off, my little peanut butter cups. Have a happy happy HAPPY weekend. I mean it. Send me good thoughts, if you remember. THREE MORE DAYS!