Five more days of work until this hellishness is over. FIVE MORE DAYS. I’m crossing days off my calendar like a person incarcerated.
For fun, the system where we release our efiles went down earlier in the week. It came back up today, only it was running…veeerryyy….sloowwwlllyyyy. So it took me four and a half hours to do a two hour job today. Four and a half very, very painful hours. Without Twitter. Still. My mother, who is the IT person at her company, swears it is not the fault of my IT department that I have no Twitter. Others are in agreement; they think, as I suspected, that if IT had blocked Twitter, I’d get the traditional THIS SITE IS BLOCKED page, rather than the weird “this page can’t load due to a slow connection” page I’m getting. It’s a moot point, though. It’s not like I can ask my IT guy about it. “Hey, IT guy, so I am having problems with my internet? Can you look at it? What site am I having trouble with? Oh, Twitter. Yeah, it’s not at all work-related. I’m using it to keep my sanity during tax season. Sooo…what’s up with the weird screen, any ideas?”
In news of the adorable, The Nephew was on vacation in Florida for the past few days. He just got home, and my mom saw him tonight. His mother said, “Ask The Grandson about the alligator!”
My mom said, “The Grandson, did you see an alligator?”
The Nephew was confused and said, “Noo…”
His mom said, “But he did EAT some alligator when we went out to dinner one night, didn’t you, buddy?”
“The Grandson! Did you eat alligator?” my mom asked him. He nodded. “What did it taste like?”
He thought about it for a minute. Then, “It tasted like food,” he said.
I LOVE MY NEPHEW MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WHOLE WORLD. “It tasted like food.” AWESOME. Not chicken, like everyone says. Nope. He cut right to the chase. It tasted like food. Just like food. Nice call, pumpkin. I love your brilliant little brain, and the thought of watching you grow up and getting to talk to you and to share your life with you makes me so happy I’m grinning until my face hurts.
This is going to be random, guys. Sorry. My brain hurts.
I was reading this article today about something. I have no idea what. It’s been a day. And apparently? In Germany? There is a political party called The Pirate Party.
They are also known as the Pirates. I’m not going to pretend to know anything about this party. Ken can probably fill you all in if you want details. I’m woefully inept about politics. From what I can see on Wikipedia, they look like they align with good things that I like? But they could be all evil weirdos, I don’t live there, I don’t know. ANYWAY. You know the minute I saw Pirate Party I immediately had a mental picture of pirates in political office, wearing traditional pirate garb. With parrots on their shoulders. Saying “arrr” and “avast ye mateys” and when someone lied or got caught schtupping an intern, they wouldn’t be impeached, they would walk the plank.
I totally like this idea, and it has made me very happy for at least an hour. If Ken comments and says the Pirate Party are a bunch of weirdos and everyone in Germany hates them, I apologize in advance. But I don’t regret my happy mental picture of pirates running the government. They would drink grog and they would have pieces of eight and they would sing jolly pirate songs. IT WOULD BE AWESOME. It would be like the Rent Is Too Damn High Party guy, only SO MUCH MORE FILLED WITH AWESOME.
Oh, I know you’re probably totally all wondering? Raylan did NOT take his shirt off last night on Justified. It was a great episode. There was gunplay, and fisticuffs, and some awesomely gross gory stuff, and at one point I cried until my eyes hurt, but NO SHIRTLESS RAYLAN. Siiiigh. Oh, well. I suppose there’s always next season.
I am currently watching episode after episode after episode of The Good Wife because I have allowed myself to get shamefully behind on it. It’s like eating an entire box of cream puffs. IT IS SO DAMN GOOD. I am finally caught up and it is AWESOME. Seriously, you’re all watching this, right? It’s like a who’s-who of all the best actors in the land. And it’s INTELLIGENT. Also, sometimes it makes me cry. I do so like a show that makes me cry. That’s my favorite.
Oh, also, I have HBO now, because of Game of Thrones (WHICH IS AMAZING THIS SEASON) and saw a preview for Aaron Sorkin’s new series, The Newsroom? And it looks AMAZEBALLS. Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT, HBO. I do NOT want to keep you, because you cost an extra $20 a month. I do not like spending money I don’t have. However, if it comes out this summer, I suppose I’ll already HAVE HBO, for True Blood. So maybe I can be two-birds-one-stone-y. I have a serious Aaron Sorkin addiction. It’s kind of worrisome, actually.
Oh,shit, also, ZOMG. SPEAKING OF ADDICTIONS. OK, you know how I am obsessed, obsessed, ob-SESSED with musicals, correct? One of my favorites: Les Miserables.
I’ve seen it four times now, I think. Listened to the recording so many times I can randomly quote lyrics. Once, on The Simpsons, Principal Skinner was at a garage sale, and he picked up a prison helmet. On the helmet? The number 24601. I SQUEED SO DAMN LOUD. If you are a Les Mis wonk, you are squeeing right now, too. If you’re not, you’re all, “WTFFFF.” 24601 was Jean Valjean’s prisoner number in Les Miserables, so it was this tiny shoutout to the musical. It was SO EFFING AWESOME. Also, I’m obsessed with Eponine? Because I’m totally Eponine. I am ALWAYS EFFING EPONINE. Dammit, it is not always the most fun to be Eponine. Spoiler alert: Eponine dies bloody with no boyfriend. And Marius was an asshat, because Cosette was weak and annoyingly perfect and Eponine RULED.
Another one of my obsessions? Neil Patrick Harris.
What happens when you put these two things together in the MOST AWESOME WAY POSSIBLE?
ZOMGGGG. NPH playing Javert and adorable Jason Segel playing Valjean and THEY ARE SO SO CUTE. Even though I won’t watch their show. Because, laugh track.
Also, this just illustrates my point: every day would be made better if made into a musical. Obviously, they make every day a musical at work. WHY CAN’T I DO THAT AT WORK. I try, but people give me all the glares. So mostly I’m just humming randomly under my breath all the time. Lately, it’s been The Civil Wars’ “Poison and Wine.” You all know and are duly obsessed with how sad and wonderful this is, right?
I got my lovely friend B. obsessed with this recently so we like to tweet each other our mutual obsession with listening to it OVER AND OVER AND OVER. I’m sure we’re mega-obnoxious to everyone following us. To that I say, TOO DAMN BAD. My current favorite lyric is “I don’t have a choice; I still choose you.” Seriously, click and listen. The harmonies are gorgeous. B. and I would love to get others as obsessed as we are so we can feel a little less alone in our obsession with the prettiest, most melancholy song in the history of ever.
Alright, kiddos and kidlettes, it’s late, I’m exhausted, this post has had no point, and I’m sure you’re all scratching your heads? Yep. Me too. LISTEN. I am not getting enough sleep; I’m waking up every hour or so GASPING. Like I’m a fish out of water. It’s off-putting. However, remember how I wasn’t dreaming because maybe The Sandman had stolen my dreams in an evil plot or something? I had TWO DREAMS recently! I know, it’s all very exciting. I forgot one. The other one was really the oddest? I won’t say the people’s names, because it will make them nervous in case they happen to read this. A friend and I were walking on the beach. EXCITING! BEACH! And he said, “I don’t think I can hang out with [REDACTED MUTUAL FRIEND] anymore.” And I was sad! Because I love REDACTED MUTUAL FRIEND! So I asked why, and he said, “Well, because he’s in love with me.” And I said, “I don’t think he is. He’s married. To a LADY.” And Friend was all, “No, he is. And you are, too. Everyone is.” And then I got VERY MAD at Friend, and was all, “WAY TO BE FULL OF YOURSELF ASSHOLE” and then we started making out and then Dumbcat jumped on my bladder. In real life. Not in the dream. So that dream was over.
According to a totally shady and pop-uppy dream interpretation site I found that I’m not linking to because I think it’s trying to give me a virus, the beach means I’m torn between the mental and the physical; walking means I am progressing toward my goals; the friend means I’m about to get some positive news; the argument means I have internal conflict; and the making out with a friend does NOT mean I am in love with him, which I am SURE he would be pleased to hear if I wasn’t being so secretive about who he is, but “represents your respect and adoration for your friend. You are seeking some intimate closeness that is lacking in some waking relationship. It may or may not signify a romantic interest for him or her.”
Oh, shit, wait, “may or may not.” SHIT SHIT SHIT.
Maybe it was better when I was NOT dreaming. Now I’m all torn between two worlds and goal-oriented and getting good news and internally conflicty and possibly in love with one of my close friends who I TOTALLY WAS NOT EVEN AWARE I HAD FEELINGS FOR BEFORE NOW. Well. Thanks a LOT, dream. Now the next time we interact, it’s going to be VERY awkward, and I will NOT know where to look. And possibly, I’ll accidentally say something like, “HA HA HA just like when we were MAKING OUT THE OTHER NIGHT ON THAT BEACH.”
Eff. Is THAT ever going to make things tense. THANKS A LOT DREAMS.