Remember when I was mad I wasn’t dreaming? I take it back. I TAKE IT BACK.

Five more days of work until this hellishness is over. FIVE MORE DAYS. I’m crossing days off my calendar like a person incarcerated.

For fun, the system where we release our efiles went down earlier in the week. It came back up today, only it was running…veeerryyy….sloowwwlllyyyy. So it took me four and a half hours to do a two hour job today. Four and a half very, very painful hours. Without Twitter. Still. My mother, who is the IT person at her company, swears it is not the fault of my IT department that I have no Twitter. Others are in agreement; they think, as I suspected, that if IT had blocked Twitter, I’d get the traditional THIS SITE IS BLOCKED page, rather than the weird “this page can’t load due to a slow connection” page I’m getting. It’s a moot point, though. It’s not like I can ask my IT guy about it. “Hey, IT guy, so I am having problems with my internet? Can you look at it? What site am I having trouble with? Oh, Twitter. Yeah, it’s not at all work-related. I’m using it to keep my sanity during tax season. Sooo…what’s up with the weird screen, any ideas?”

In news of the adorable, The Nephew was on vacation in Florida for the past few days. He just got home, and my mom saw him tonight. His mother said, “Ask The Grandson about the alligator!”

My mom said, “The Grandson, did you see an alligator?”

The Nephew was confused and said, “Noo…”

His mom said, “But he did EAT some alligator when we went out to dinner one night, didn’t you, buddy?”

Aw, Nephew! Please don't eat me!

“The Grandson! Did you eat alligator?” my mom asked him. He nodded. “What did it taste like?”

He thought about it for a minute. Then, “It tasted like food,” he said.

I LOVE MY NEPHEW MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WHOLE WORLD. “It tasted like food.” AWESOME. Not chicken, like everyone says. Nope. He cut right to the chase. It tasted like food. Just like food. Nice call, pumpkin. I love your brilliant little brain, and the thought of watching you grow up and getting to talk to you and to share your life with you makes me so happy I’m grinning until my face hurts.

This is going to be random, guys. Sorry. My brain hurts.

I was reading this article today about something. I have no idea what. It’s been a day. And apparently? In Germany? There is a political party called The Pirate Party.

This is their LOGO. It is a SAIL. Come on, how jaunty is this?

They are also known as the Pirates. I’m not going to pretend to know anything about this party. Ken can probably fill you all in if you want details. I’m woefully inept about politics. From what I can see on Wikipedia, they look like they align with good things that I like?  But they could be all evil weirdos, I don’t live there, I don’t know. ANYWAY. You know the minute I saw Pirate Party I immediately had a mental picture of pirates in political office, wearing traditional pirate garb. With parrots on their shoulders. Saying “arrr” and “avast ye mateys” and when someone lied or got caught schtupping an intern, they wouldn’t be impeached, they would walk the plank.

"Arr! Vote for us or we'll pillage your homelands!"

I totally like this idea, and it has made me very happy for at least an hour. If Ken comments and says the Pirate Party are a bunch of weirdos and everyone in Germany hates them, I apologize in advance. But I don’t regret my happy mental picture of pirates running the government. They would drink grog and they would have pieces of eight and they would sing jolly pirate songs. IT WOULD BE AWESOME. It would be like the Rent Is Too Damn High Party guy, only SO MUCH MORE FILLED WITH AWESOME.

Sorry, Jimmy McMillan, but pirates are cooler. However, you have somewhat piratical facial hair.

Oh, I know you’re probably totally all wondering? Raylan did NOT take his shirt off last night on Justified. It was a great episode. There was gunplay, and fisticuffs, and some awesomely gross gory stuff, and at one point I cried until my eyes hurt, but NO SHIRTLESS RAYLAN. Siiiigh. Oh, well. I suppose there’s always next season.

I am currently watching episode after episode after episode of The Good Wife because I have allowed myself to get shamefully behind on it. It’s like eating an entire box of cream puffs. IT IS SO DAMN GOOD. I am finally caught up and it is AWESOME. Seriously, you’re all watching this, right? It’s like a who’s-who of all the best actors in the land. And it’s INTELLIGENT. Also, sometimes it makes me cry. I do so like a show that makes me cry. That’s my favorite.

Also, it has Kalinda, and I have a crush on her a mile wide.

Oh, also, I have HBO now, because of Game of Thrones (WHICH IS AMAZING THIS SEASON) and saw a preview for Aaron Sorkin’s new series, The Newsroom? And it looks AMAZEBALLS. Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT, HBO. I do NOT want to keep you, because you cost an extra $20 a month. I do not like spending money I don’t have. However, if it comes out this summer, I suppose I’ll already HAVE HBO, for True Blood. So maybe I can be two-birds-one-stone-y. I have a serious Aaron Sorkin addiction. It’s kind of worrisome, actually.

These glasses are too small. Small glasses make me laugh. SO SMALL, AARON SORKIN!

Oh,shit, also, ZOMG. SPEAKING OF ADDICTIONS. OK, you know how I am obsessed, obsessed, ob-SESSED with musicals, correct? One of my favorites: Les Miserables.

Just SEEING this makes me happy. Bee tee dubs, this is coming to the fancy theater near me this year. Am I going to see it again? Yes. Yes, I am.

I’ve seen it four times now, I think. Listened to the recording so many times I can randomly quote lyrics. Once, on The Simpsons, Principal Skinner was at a garage sale, and he picked up a prison helmet. On the helmet? The number 24601. I SQUEED SO DAMN LOUD. If you are a Les Mis wonk, you are squeeing right now, too. If you’re not, you’re all, “WTFFFF.” 24601 was Jean Valjean’s prisoner number in Les Miserables, so it was this tiny shoutout to the musical. It was SO EFFING AWESOME. Also, I’m obsessed with Eponine? Because I’m totally Eponine. I am ALWAYS EFFING EPONINE. Dammit, it is not always the most fun to be Eponine. Spoiler alert: Eponine dies bloody with no boyfriend. And Marius was an asshat, because Cosette was weak and annoyingly perfect and Eponine RULED.

Another one of my obsessions? Neil Patrick Harris.

What happens when you put these two things together in the MOST AWESOME WAY POSSIBLE?

ZOMGGGG. NPH playing Javert and adorable Jason Segel playing Valjean and THEY ARE SO SO CUTE. Even though I won’t watch their show. Because, laugh track.

Also, this just illustrates my point: every day would be made better if made into a musical. Obviously, they make every day a musical at work. WHY CAN’T I DO THAT AT WORK. I try, but people give me all the glares. So mostly I’m just humming randomly under my breath all the time. Lately, it’s been The Civil Wars’ “Poison and Wine.” You all know and are duly obsessed with how sad and wonderful this is, right?

I got my lovely friend B. obsessed with this recently so we like to tweet each other our mutual obsession with listening to it OVER AND OVER AND OVER. I’m sure we’re mega-obnoxious to everyone following us. To that I say, TOO DAMN BAD. My current favorite lyric is “I don’t have a choice; I still choose you.” Seriously, click and listen. The harmonies are gorgeous. B. and I would love to get others as obsessed as we are so we can feel a little less alone in our obsession with the prettiest, most melancholy song in the history of ever.

Alright, kiddos and kidlettes, it’s late, I’m exhausted, this post has had no point, and I’m sure you’re all scratching your heads? Yep. Me too. LISTEN. I am not getting enough sleep; I’m waking up every hour or so GASPING. Like I’m a fish out of water. It’s off-putting. However, remember how I wasn’t dreaming because maybe The Sandman had stolen my dreams in an evil plot or something? I had TWO DREAMS recently! I know, it’s all very exciting. I forgot one. The other one was really the oddest? I won’t say the people’s names, because it will make them nervous in case they happen to read this. A friend and I were walking on the beach. EXCITING! BEACH! And he said, “I don’t think I can hang out with [REDACTED MUTUAL FRIEND] anymore.” And I was sad! Because I love REDACTED MUTUAL FRIEND! So I asked why, and he said, “Well, because he’s in love with me.” And I said, “I don’t think he is. He’s married. To a LADY.” And Friend was all, “No, he is. And you are, too. Everyone is.” And then I got VERY MAD at Friend, and was all, “WAY TO BE FULL OF YOURSELF ASSHOLE” and then we started making out and then Dumbcat jumped on my bladder. In real life. Not in the dream. So that dream was over.

My dream-beach was rockier than this. Lots of rocks. I'm sure that means something, interpretation-wise. Like, "rocks mean you have HURDLES TO OVERCOME," right? Shit, I'm good at this. Someone should pay me.

According to a totally shady and pop-uppy dream interpretation site I found that I’m not linking to because I think it’s trying to give me a virus, the beach means I’m torn between the mental and the physical; walking means I am progressing toward my goals; the friend means I’m about to get some positive news; the argument means I have internal conflict; and the making out with a friend does NOT mean I am in love with him, which I am SURE he would be pleased to hear if I wasn’t being so secretive about who he is, but “represents your respect and adoration for your friend. You are seeking some intimate closeness that is lacking in some waking relationship. It may or may not signify a romantic interest for him or her.”

Oh, shit, wait, “may or may not.” SHIT SHIT SHIT.

Maybe it was better when I was NOT dreaming. Now I’m all torn between two worlds and goal-oriented and getting good news and internally conflicty and possibly in love with one of my close friends who I TOTALLY WAS NOT EVEN AWARE I HAD FEELINGS FOR BEFORE NOW. Well. Thanks a LOT, dream. Now the next time we interact, it’s going to be VERY awkward, and I will NOT know where to look. And possibly, I’ll accidentally say something like, “HA HA HA just like when we were MAKING OUT THE OTHER NIGHT ON THAT BEACH.”

Eff. Is THAT ever going to make things tense. THANKS A LOT DREAMS.

About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

33 responses to “Remember when I was mad I wasn’t dreaming? I take it back. I TAKE IT BACK.

  • ProfMomEsq

    First, Yay! Random Blog Post! ‘Cause those are the best. Second, Good Wife and Les Mis in ONE post? It’s like a blogasm. Now I’m going to have inappropriate dreams about you, because I covet your randomness. :-)


  • zippy219

    Nothing specific to comment on today. Just happy you blogged so I could giggle while I eat my lunch. Happy lunches have blogs for reading.


  • robindeigh

    I vascillate between dreaming about tax season being over and sheer panic that I won’t get all my returns done. Which is why I’m reading your blog instead of working on the return on my desk. I hate when stockbrokers churn little old ladies’ accounts and they owe money at year end.

    We will get to the end this year. Next year the 15th is on a Monday so there’s no extra two days of this insanity.


    • lucysfootball

      Hey, are you in the accountancy field, too? If so, HELLO FELLOW TRAVELER IN THE FIELD OF PAIN! I hope you are hydrating appropriately and you are not stressing out too much! And I LOVE that you already know that the 15th is on a Monday next year. That makes me so happy, I can’t even tell you! Welcome, welcome!


      • robindeigh

        I am a CPA at a small public accounting firm in the south. Since I just got home from work, I indeed feel your pain. I am so stressed right now, I told a client he couldn’t come get his return unless he brought me Starbucks. I have a stack of books saved for April 17th. Are you ready to finally let go and be brain dead for a few days?


        • lucysfootball

          My season lasts a little longer, since I’m just clerical staff and not a CPA – I have a lot of cleanup to do once the dust settles. Filing, taking care of the efile acceptances and rejections, and of course the regular work (financial statements, etc.) that never stops. But at the end of the month I’m going on vacation! I can not even TELL you how excited about that I am. My first real vacation in ten years!!!

          Hang in there! Tuesday’s on the way!


          • robindeigh

            I wish we had someone to clean up our rejections and acceptances. Our admin is not very computer literate and…well, let’s just say we took over doing that ourselves. I’m hoping when she retires, we get one that can handle it again.

            I’m planning to move two weeks after tax season, so I will take my actual vacation then. We aren’t even closing a day this year. It’s nuts.

            Stay sane during the rush. This is when all the crazy clients come in. I have to explain to someone today that a “clothing optional” pool in his backyard is not a medical deduction. That’s how he phrased it on his organizer – clothing optional pool.

            Enjoy the vacation, I’m jealous! :)


            • lucysfootball

              Clothing optional pool. That is AWESOME. How is that for medical reasons, I wonder? I’d let him explain, just to hear his rationale.

              I am in charge of ALL the rejections and acceptances. All me. One person. And we have thousands of clients. It is not a one-person job. Yet they keep not giving me any help! So I soldier on. I’m a trouper, me.


  • sj

    I had a really odd dream during my nap yesterday that involved Meg, a dilapidated ski lodge, a nacho cheese vending machine that didn’t work and Murdock from the A-Team. It was really strange.


  • Bronwyn

    YAY!!! i not only read your blog to my office today, i also TOTALLY PLAYED THEM THAT SONG!! :D now everyone is obsessed. or maybe it’s still just me, but now they all have to listen to it, too! :D

    and ZOMG (hee!) we need to compare dreams at some point… you can tell me what mine mean! :D you’re so good at it! :D :D


    • lucysfootball

      Yay for making the whole world love our song! :)

      Oh, I totally stole all the dream stuff from Google. But I could make stuff up. Tell me what you’ve got, I’ll make something up, it’ll be AWESOME! :)


  • blogginglily

    So Jason Segal is also gay. Which i did not previous know. But that was a pretty funny and awesome talk show appearance.

    Also, The Good Wife. I do not watch The Good Wife. Why? WHY???

    The Good Wife’s title is Dullzballs. The anti-amazeballs. The Good Wife. You could have a robot ghost ninja pirate show and I wouldn’t watch it if it had a name like that. How about something more awesome like, “I Paid the Bills Last Night” or “Eating Healthy” or “The Accountant”? I wouldn’t watch those either. And they could have the MOST amazing actors. It wouldn’t matter.


    • lucysfootball

      He is NOT gay. The National Enquirer tells me he has found love with Heath Ledger’s ex. The girl from Dawson’s Creek. The one who’s not Mrs. Tom Cruise. That’s a reputable news source, right?


      Yeah, yeah, dull title. She’s not “good,” though. She is TOTALLY NAUGHTY. You should be watching. It’s wonderful.

      (Psst, I would watch “The Accountant” only to yell, “UNREALISTIC!” at it every time someone showed an emotion. Those people are robots over there.)


  • lahikmajoe

    Ok, there are so many things to comment on, but I need to head off to dreamland where I have some #dreamingofcheese dreams to savour.

    So I’ll quickly deal with the Pirate Party. Easy answer: they’re sort of nuts, but not totally nuts. They are very much into net neutrality and free wifi for everyone. They’re in the regional government in Berlin and the traditional politicians are very irritated and not amused with them.

    That should be a good thing, right? Well, yes and no. There’s a German word for that: ‘jein’…ja and nein combined makes ‘jein’. Cool, huh?

    Other things the Pirates want: free trains for everyone. In Berlin, they want all public transport to be free. Period. Berlin’s a curious place by the way. Compared to the German average, the unemployment rate is astronomical. I’m pretty sure Bremen is higher and the rural areas of Eastern Germany, but Berlin is a major metropolitan/cultural centre…and there are a tonne of young people just hanging out. Nominally employed if not outright begging, and the Pirates are their people. Oh, and the nerds.

    The Pirates are essentially the politically party you’d get if you rounded up all the players at a Dungeons and Dragons convention and asked them how they thought government should be run.

    The newest thing I heard is that they want government IDs in the future to be printed without gender. I’m not sure what the point of that would be, but it wouldn’t be a stretch to say it had to do with some wacky future-think that gender roles are the root of our problems. Oh, and to make gender-neutral people feel more comfortable. Uh, ok. Weirdos.

    Having said all that, Germany has a history of minor parties gaining traction and becoming less minor parties. Because it’s a parliamentary system, you can be a minor party and still get some sort of say in the way things are run.

    The best modern example is the Green Party. Unlike in the US, where the Green Party seems to be a glorified Marijuana Rights conglomerate, the German Greens came about in 1968, were roundly loathed by the establishment parties, and then slowly but surely became a part of the political fabric.

    Their big issues were the protecting/saving the environment and getting Germany off of nuclear power. Over the last several decades, the former has become part of nearly every major party’s platform. The latter was finally achieved (or is being achieved) when the German public freaked out at the events in Fukushima, Japan last year. The right-leaning conservative party in power finally bowed to the overwhelming pressure that’d been building for roughly forty years and Germany has now vowed to go off of nuclear power.

    Some experts say they’re insane for doing so, and there’s definitely a touch of ‘let’s show the world we can ngineer this one’ about it. However, that’s sort of my point.

    This Party of Pirates? Are they a bit mad? Sure. They really are.

    Do they have a clue how politics works? That’s debatable. It’s certainly naive and presumptuous to say you can succeed at politics without knowing how things are done. But naive and presumptuous are actually two of the things the Pirate Party has going for it.

    (This is so unexpectedly cogent that I’m going to copy and paste it and make it another blogpost – two in one day).


  • Andreas Heinakroon

    I couldn’t comment yesterday because I’ve got no internet at home (which, seriously, is like trying to breathe water – through a straw), but I thought I had to have my say on dream interpretations:

    They are all humbug. Dreams happen when our brains process what we’ve experienced and try to make sense of it all. It’s like doing the dishes. Wash away all the random crap we don’t need or want and get all the essentials tucked away orderly and safely in a cupboard somewhere.

    Trying to interpret dreams might be entertaining, but don’t attach any value to it.


  • cas2986

    So…. I have to admit that reading one of your previous posts completely and utterly made me want to photoshop Joseph Gordon Levitt on a pegasus because it would be so totally epic. But- the point of this comment is that I stumbled across this post on dreams, and I thought you could totally use it to help with your dream rememberingness.


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