I wrote today’s post last night in a writing fury. I forgot to eat dinner. I forgot to get my laundry out of the dryer. Dumbcat came in and made it WELL-KNOWN that I forgot to give him his nightly treats. For as long as I put off writing it (about six months, probably, since I started mulling over the possibility in my mind), it was kind of amazing how, when I put my mind to it, it came rushing out.
I wrote. I re-wrote. I read it aloud to myself. I cried a few times. I might well have cussed until Dumbcat ran out of the room in confusion. I will neither confirm nor deny that rumor.
But I wrote the damn thing.
Then I scheduled it to post today at 11:45 am, when I’d be at work.
I woke up this morning and thought, “I can’t. I can’t do this.” But I didn’t have another post ready, and you know me. I can’t go a day without posting. I WOULD JUST DIE DEAD.
Once I left for work, it was out of my hands. You can’t stop something that’s scheduled from your phone. You have to be on your computer. And there’s no internet at work. And if we take out our phones, other than when we’re on a break, we’re fired, not that it would have mattered, anyway, because the phone couldn’t have stopped it. It was on the way to the internet. It was on the launchpad.
I watched the clock, my stomach in knots, and when 11:45 hit, I felt like I was going to pass out. Because we don’t SHARE our private shame publicly. IT IS NOT WHAT WE DO. That is not how I was raised.
But it was done.
And then you guys. Oh, you guys.
The comments, and the emails, and the tweets, and the retweets, and the private messages on Twitter and Facebook. You made me laugh and you made me cry and I wasn’t alone, you know? I wasn’t alone, not one single minute.
I have never felt so loved all at once in my entire life.
You’re my people, you know?
Thank you for being my people.
If you think it will help anyone? Please feel free to share that son of a bitch. It’s been mine alone for too long. Share that sucker as much as you want. Send it along. Let everyone read it, if they want. Maybe it’ll help someone. Maybe someone will relate. Maybe someone will think twice.
Thank you for reading.
(I promise to be funny tomorrow. Or at least to try my damned hardest.)
Sleep well, my little Cornish game hens. Dream of kittens riding unicorns over rainbows. Also, pudding. Listen, who doesn’t like pudding?
Love your faces.
(Title’s from Twelfth Night. Thought I’d stop with the fancy-schmancy quotes? THINK AGAIN CHARLIE NAYSAYER.)