It’s Thursday! I’m on brain-fry! Yahoo!
It was one of our gajillion deadlines this week, so I’ve been a little scattery. Here is a quick demonstration of everyone I work with this week:
Asshat 1: I need this now. I have a deadline.
Asshat 2, five minutes later: I need THIS now.
Me: OK, well, I’m working on this but as soon as I finish this I’ll do that.
Asshat 2: That’s not acceptable. I have a deadline.
Me: So does Asshat 1.
Asshat 2: Do I need to go to your boss about this?
Me: I…guess? I don’t really know the protocol, here. I’m just an underpaid peon. Possibly a lackey. Or a toady. It’s debatable, really.
Asshat Boss, five minutes later: Asshat 2 says you refused to work on his work and he has a deadline.
Me: Nope. Not really in the least bit of truth to that, actually. I told Asshat 2 I’d do it as soon as I finished Asshat 1’s work. Which is also under deadline.
Asshat Boss: This could all be rectified if you would work about twice as fast. Also, can you smile more? You seem…I don’t know. A little down. It would be nice if I came over to chastise you for something that’s not your fault at all and you greeted me with a smile. More bowing and scraping. Maybe some baked goods. Do you have any baked goods?
(Note: some of this conversation may have taken place in my head. But I think it subtextually totally happened. So, fair enough.)
There’s also been some yelling, an attempt to get me fired by Coworker-I’d-Be-Most-Likely-to-Throw-Under-An-Actual-Not-Metaphorical-Bus, and I may or may not have “dropped” a very heavy file in order to make a really satisfying loud noise to let off some steam, and then said oopsy. But it wasn’t an oopsy, no no, not at all. I needed to hear a bang.
BUT, because you KNOW I’m totally going to get fired if I talk about work, enough work talk. I mean, not that I haven’t whiled away the hours daydreaming how nice it would be NOT to have to come in here or anything but I kind of need the paycheck even though it’s not really tending my soul’s garden or whatever. I don’t think anyone’s job does that. IF YOUR JOB DOES THAT SHUT RIGHT UP. I DON’T WANT TO EVEN KNOW.
I promised my friend Patrick I’d mention this. I KNOW I TOTALLY SAID SOMEONE’S REAL NAME THAT I KNOW IN REAL LIFE. LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING RIGHT DOWN. I’m only saying his NAME because once you click the LINK I’m about to put in here you will SEE his name so it seems silly to give him a pseudonym, now doesn’t it.
(Oh, side note, London Bridge is totally in Arizona now and I HAVE SEEN IT. I know, right? How insane is that? But, true story.)
OK, before I explain the situation, let me tell you a little about Patrick and why he’s shiny and awesome. HA! A little. I’m fooling NO ONE right now. Like I’ve ever told you a little about anything ever.
Remember a few weeks ago I told you about when I started working at my theater, and I was totally daunted by the fancy actors and didn’t talk to them for like six months other than when I totally HAD to talk to them because they were REALLY BIG DEALS and I was country mouse and afraid?
Patrick is the fanciest of the fancy, no joke. Although that makes him sound like an asshole. And you know what, by all rights, someone as talented as he is? Probably should be an asshole. They usually are. However! It could NOT be further from the truth. Because Patrick is, without a doubt, one of the most genuinely amazing people I’ve ever met in my entire life.
Now listen, I don’t say this lightly. Most people I’m meh on. Like, I can take or leave them. I don’t want them to fall in a hole and die or anything, but I don’t care much either way. I have this small group of people that I’m VERY loyal toward. Probably to the point of being annoying. But that’s how I’ve always been. My dad said that to me the other night, actually. “You’ve always only liked about five people at a time and then REALLY liked them, since you were a little tiny kid,” he said. So that’s nice. I like consistency. (Heads up, I TOTALLY like more than five people with the intensity of a rabid dog now. I think I probably rabidly like…let’s see…I don’t know, that’s a lot of thinking. Let’s say 25. TWENTY-FIVE! That’s nice, right? That’s a total all-time high for me. I think that’s a good sign. You can imagine you’re one of the 25 if you want to. I’ll let you.)
No, anyway, SIDETRACKY, Patrick is, without a doubt, my favorite person to watch onstage. Ever. And I watch a LOT of theater. I’d watch him in ANYTHING. I’m going to watch him in something this weekend, actually, which is totally exciting. You can’t even imagine the talent this guy has, seriously. It makes you thrill, you guys. THRILL. But, even better – and I know this is going to shock and awe you, because there are probably, I don’t know, eight of these people left in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD, they are an ENDANGERED SPECIES like WHITE TIGERS – he’s A REALLY GOOD PERSON.
No, seriously. Like, a good person. I know. It’s hard to wrap your mind around that. Let it sink in for a minute. Like, the kind of person who goes OUT OF HIS WAY to do nice things for people, even if it puts HIM out. The kind of person who takes time out to support people he’s not even that CLOSE to. The kind of person who, when he comes into a room, the whole entire room lights right up. The kind of person who is just so filled with this amazing zest for life that you can’t help but feel more excited about everything when you’re around him. And, when I was all scared-of-the-talent and hiding in the light booth or whatever? He could NOT have been nicer. He didn’t even ALLOW me to be scared in the booth. He just kept being friendly. And he was the whole reason I was volunteering there ! Because a show he was in there had been SO AMAZING and he’d been SO AMAZING that I wanted to work at THAT VERY THEATER FOREVER AND EVER! But not JUST nice, and all namby-pamby, or anything, so it would be un-fun to be around him! No no! ALSO fun and intelligent and with the best laugh in the history of laughs! I know! There aren’t many of those people out there. I don’t blame you for being confused. You may not have ever met one of these people before. They’re kind of like unicorns. Mythological, really. I ASSURE YOU THEY ARE REAL.
(Also, side note, he is an AMAZING WRITER and needs to be blogging, like, yesterday. So if you want to encourage him to do so in the comments, good. Peer pressure him. You would love a blog written by him, seriously. Can he ever write. Damn.)
ANYWAY. Patrick is our local theater scene’s biggest supporter. He’s not only always in a show – and this is something I totally admire about him, he follows the roles, and I love that, he doesn’t just stick to one theater group, but goes where the most interesting roles are for him, and challenges himself, and this makes him continue to grow as an actor – but he’s always attending a show when he’s not in rehearsal. I don’t know that there’s been a show in recent history that hasn’t had Patrick’s booming laugh in the audience. (Well, OBVIOUSLY, when it MERITS laughter. He’s not laughing at DRAMAS. Calm down.) And you should see the enjoyment he GETS from the shows! Once, I happened to be at a show when he was also there, so we sat together. And he was just so into the show. Which made me insanely furiously happy because that’s usually me, but then I feel like a huge goof because most people are not responding and just sitting there and being passive or whatever? Nope. His eyes were as lit up as mine and he was engaged and it just made me SO HAPPY. He cheers the casts and crews on via Facebook. He reads plays. He reads up on theater. He goes to the City to see shows. HE SENDS POSTCARDS THANKING YOU WHEN YOU ATTEND HIS SHOWS. No, I’m serious, this guy rocks. ROCKS. You WISH you were friends with Patrick. (Oh, what’s that? You wish you COULD be? Well, BAM, you can, he just joined Twitter. So go be friends with Patrick, if you want. There is no way having him in your life won’t make it a better place.)
I do have a point here, I’m GETTING to it, sheesh.
So a few days ago, Patrick started a petition to get our local area alternate newsweekly, Metroland, to cover local theater. They barely do. They cover a slight handful of the shows we have to offer. It’s not really understood why this is the case, well, at least by me – someone might understand it, I guess, I mean, the people WORKING there probably do, I don’t know – but it would be a huge deal if they started covering local theater. This paper is free. It goes everywhere. To everyone. And local theater being covered there means that more people would know about us, and might help us boost our audiences. I’m not even saying it from a “we need the cash” standpoint. A lot of our local theaters do a pay-what-you-will night. I’d just like to have more people SEEING the shows, you know? Let me get a wee bit soapboxy? There is no one’s life that is not made better by seeing a live theater production. I don’t believe in a lot of things completely and totally and utterly, but I believe that 100%. I’m not saying every show’s for everyone? But there’s at least one show out there that will make each and every person in the world laugh or cry or say, “hey, yes, THAT’S ME” and how can that not make your life a little better and a little richer and a little fuller? And who doesn’t want their lives to be that way?
The petition’s doing well – last check, 231 signatures – but he’d like more. And I’d like more, both for the capital region, and for Patrick, who is, seriously, have I said it enough? AMAZING. I mean, come on, you guys. How many people care this much about something? If everyone in the world cared even a FRACTION of this much about something, maybe things would be a little better? I don’t know.
So here’s the link. Yes, it would be nice if local people signed it. But I think it would be JUST as nice if EVERYONE signed it. So please, as a favor to me, as I know you don’t KNOW Patrick (but you would just love him, no joke), click the link, fill out the form (it is EASY, I’m serious, it’s like 8 boxes, it is NOTHING) and let’s get the numbers up. Then tell other people to sign it. It’ll take, at most, what, a couple minutes out of your day? And would be so appreciated, seriously.
Now that I have finished completely and totally embarrassing Patrick, who, I’m sure, thought, when I said, “hey, I’ll mention it on my blog” I was just going to put up a link, not put up the whole “THIS IS THE STORY OF PATRICK WHO IS SHINY” (but he IS shiny, why would you not want the world to know you know someone filled with awesome? Also, I was thinking today, maybe don’t embarrass Patrick with your outpouring of how much you just love and admire the shit out of him, but then I thought, what if you died tomorrow, wouldn’t you want people to know how awesome you think they are? YES YOU WOULD. Think about it, seriously. It’s a scary thought. What if you died and the people you thought you had all the time in the world to tell how much they meant to you didn’t ever get to hear it from you. Frightening, right? So, screw it, I’m posting this sucker) it is time for you to CLICK CLICK CLICK.
You’re all awesome and I adore you.
Oh! Here’s Patrick in a play. SEE? See how amazing?
(This is not the photo I wanted but the one I wanted is MISSING IN ACTION. I don’t know. I lose shit, what can I tell you.)
So help someone who is totally a unicorn in his singularity of awesomeness get a bajillion signatures? Two minutes out of your day. Which will mean a lot, lot, LOT to what I love to do more than anything, and to someone I care about a great deal.
Smooches to you all. Because I KNOW you’re going to sign. Those are PRE-EMPTIVE SMOOCHES. Don’t make me take back my pre-emptive smooches, you guys, how sad would that be? THE SADDEST, is how sad. Sign, please. Thank you so much.