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Feline Fatal Attraction: Dumbcat is Trying To Kill Me With Brain Parasites

Oh, man, there is totally an issue we have to discuss right now that I found out today and it is MAJOR, you guys, no joke.

OUR CATS ARE INFECTING US WITH BRAIN CONTROLLING PARASITES.

No, I’m not EVEN exaggerating, a SCIENTIST said it. A scientist! This guy right HERE!

I think he looks jazzy. It's the sweater. Or the unruly hair. I do like a good head of unruly hair on a man.

Yes, yes. Let’s just get this out of the way: I am aware that the scientist in question, Dr. Jaroslav Flegr, looks like a ginger version of, well…

1.21 GIGAWATTS!

Great Scott.

But listen! DOC BROWN WAS A GENIUS YOU GUYS. I mean, flux capacitor? Come on, not just any yahoo could invent that. I’m sure some yahoos have tried, too. I mean, who WOULDN’T want to go back…to the future?

I also think Flegr looks a little like this:

But imagine him with unrulier hair. Total face twins.

And the fact that Filch has a cat is VERY MYSTERIOUS.

ANYWAY. So today I was playing around online, you know, as one does, and saw this article, and thought, ha ha, MY CAT TOTALLY MAKES ME CRAY-CRAY, I mean, the minute I walk in the damn house he’s all, “Meow? Meow? Meeee-ow? Mrooow? Meow? Mieuuuuu? Mrooo. Mroooouuu?” like we’re having a little conversation, only I’m not fluent in cat, you see, so it’s kind of one-sided. So mostly it’s him saying those things, and me being all, “Hi, Dumbcat. YES, Dumbcat. I SEE you, Dumbcat. I KNOW, Dumbcat, yes, there you are! There you ARE! Good BOY! Aren’t you a GOOD BOY! Oh, man, was that a totally hard headbutt into my stomach. Ouch, your nails are sharp, digging into my leg like that OW OW OW DUMBCAT now I am BLEEDING, I still love you, don’t be scared, aw, my little sweet potato.” Also, he likes to leap on my head half an hour before the alarm goes off in the morning, or really early on the days I can sleep in, all “HI MOM! Pet me. Want to pet me? YOU TOTES DO MOM. Right NOW you do. I KNOW IT. Pet me pet me pet me AREN’T I SO CUUUUTE purr purr PURR IN YOUR EAR PURR.” My response to this is usually “Mrrphmph Dumbcat stop it so scheepy stop stop ow stop you’re stepping on my eyeball.”

But oh, no no, this article was NOT about how your cat, who probably, let’s face it, isn’t named Dumbcat (honestly, mine isn’t either, that’s just his blog-pseudonym, so you don’t kidnap him or open a credit card in his name, because I know if you called him he’d totally be fooled into giving you his social security number, he’s very trusting) is making you a little crazy with the meowing and purring and early-risering. It’s about BRAIN PARASITES and SEX and CAR CRASHES and RAW MEAT and EUROPE and RATS and URINE.

It’s also eleven pages long. And, because I love you (and you, and you, and YOU, oh, wait, no, not you, sorry to be misleading) I printed it, and brought it with me on my lunch break, and read it twice, and wrote my thoughts all over it so we could totally have a serious scientific discussion about how your cats are infecting you with brain parasites. Andreas! Are you totally the most proud of me right now? I thought so.

First, this is from The Atlantic. I don’t think I was aware of this publication. But you guys, it is totally fancy. I am impressed with this. It is well-written, it is easy to peruse online, and according to research I totally just did right now so you don’t think I’m just making shit up, it’s been around since the mid 1800s. And the reason I wasn’t aware of it was because it used to be called The Atlantic Monthly and I WAS aware of The Atlantic Monthly, so now I don’t feel like a heathen.

Anyway. Because the article was ELEVEN PAGES LONG ZOMG, and totally twisty and turny and sciency, I do NOT expect you to click. Well, I bet Andreas will click. He grooves on science. But I totally read this for you so you don’t have to click. Unless you want to. It is interesting and worth a read, if you want to. And I really liked the article, and the author’s style. So, yeah, you go, The Atlantic! You get my stamp of approval. Stamp, stamp, stamp.

Also, any sciency-type mistakes I make here are totally my own and not the fault of the original article. I take full responsibility for science-style mistakes made in the name of tomfoolery and shenanigans.

Here’s the story:

The scientist above, who is NOT Doc Brown but kind of LOOKS like a ginger Doc Brown, Dr. Jaroslav Flegr, has been doing research into the Toxoplasma gondii microbe for some time. This is the microbe that is in cat feces (you know how pregnant women are told to not change cat litter? that’s why, it can cause birth defects) that causes toxoplasmosis. This microbe is also found on unwashed fruits and vegetables and in dirty water and undercooked meat.

Flegr (hee, I love that name, I think if you were to say it, you’d have to say it with a very guttural pronunciation, just for fun) one day realized he was acting strangely. He was not afraid of things that he should be. Like walking into busy streets! And the Communists who ruled his homeland of Czechoslovakia! This made him curious. One day, the university where he worked was running tests for a study they were doing on the T. gondii microbe, and needed test subjects, so he took the test and tested positive.

This led to years and years and YEARS of intense research on this parasitic microbe. He’s been working on this for twelve years exclusively, to be precise. It is his life’s work.

Here is what Flegr has discovered about good old T. gondii:

Healthy adults and children experience brief flu-like symptoms when infected; they quickly fight them off. Then the “protozoan…thereafter lies dormant inside brain cells.” FOREVER. Ugh ZOMG WTF.

Once there, the parasite (according to Flegr’s research) causes changes in our behavior – anything from “changing our response to frightening situations,” to changing our “trust in others, how outgoing we are, and even our preferences for certain scents.”

YES! The insidious microbe, having taken up residence in our BRAINS, “rewire(s) circuits in parts of the brain that deal with such primal emotions such as fear, anxiety, and sexual arousal.” It does this by causing multiple small cysts in various parts of the brain.

THIS CAUSES BRAIN CYSTS THIS MICROBE CAUSES BRAIN CYSTS DUMBCAT IS GIVING ME BRAIN CYSTS

Some people consider what Flegr is doing to be “fringe science.” This made me VERY EXCITED because I was hoping that the article would go on to say they called in Joshua Jackson to consult on the matter but that never happened dammit.

*sigh* Peter Bishop, you can investigate my fringe science any old damn time you've got a notion.

How T. gondii works in rats, who are T. gondii’s primary targets, anyway, is that it gets into them, it rewires their brains with all the cysts, and then – no, I’m totally not kidding – it makes cat pee smell GOOD to them. It makes the rats LOVE THE SMELL OF CAT PEE. It also makes the rats GET SEXUALLY AROUSED BY CAT PEE. It ALSO makes the rats more active. So you have rats tantalizingly running around more and hanging out where cats pee. The scientists call this “feline fatal attraction” in what I can only assume is a bit of scientist-humor. HA WELL-PLAYED SCIENTISTS. Well! Who’s going to catch THOSE rats, I wonder? CATS. And once cats catch and eat them, T. gondii’s life cycle is complete – it can mate, because there are (I assume? The article didn’t really go into this) other T. gondii’s hanging out in the cats’ digestive tracts that they want to pump it, pump it real good with.

How it works in HUMANS is a little less easy to explain, because T. gondii doesn’t really want to BE in humans. It’s not MEANT to be in humans. But, good old T. gondii! It adapts!

It makes the following things happen:

Men become “more introverted, suspicious, oblivious to other people’s opinions of them, and inclined to disregard rules”

Women become “more outgoing, trusting, image-conscious, and rule-abiding”

Infected subjects have a slower response time and a lower fear response, so they are more apt to get in car accidents

Men who are infected are perceived as more masculine by members of the opposite sex than uninfected men (presumably because the microbe wants you to mate with its host)

If you have a genetic disposition toward depression or schizophrenia, it may be heightened or precipitated by infection

Men who are infected find the scent of cat urine attractive

Infected subjects have increased levels of dopamine, so their fear, pleasure, and attention signals are all out of whack (most upsetting side effect: it can rewire your fear sensors into your sexual arousal sensors, so when you are afraid, you become sexually aroused)

This is VERY UPSETTING.

However, I think we can surmise, based on the above, that I am not infected. OR, if I AM, I am male. Because look up there at the symptoms female subjects experience. Just look. Now look back at me. NOW BACK AT THE SYMPTOMS. I am NONE of those things. However! I am ALL of the things that the MALE subjects experience. So either I’m male (let me check…nope) or I’m parasitic-brain-sucking-microbe-free. WHOO. Didn’t get me YET, Dumbcat!

Now, the best part of this article, for me, was the testing section, where they talked about the scientific tests they ran to come up with the results above, and other tests they ran. My favorites:

“…a postdoctoral student decided to inspect infected rats’ testicles for signs of cysts. Sure enough, he found them there – as well as in the animals’ semen.”

I LOVE THIS. Is this not the WORST post-doctoral gig EVER? “What’d you do today, honey?” “Oh, nothing much. Manually masturbated rats, checked their semen and testicles for cysts. Typical day. How about you, babe? What’s for dinner? Can I help make it?” “WASH YOUR HANDS YOU ARE DISGUSTING DON’T EVEN TOUCH ME.”

And:

“To test whether they were prone to being suspicious, they were asked, among other things, to drink an unidentified liquid…And when it came to downing the mystery fluid…‘the infected males were much more hesitant than uninfected men.  They wanted to know why they had to do it. Would it harm them?’ In contrast, the infected women were the most trusting of all subjects. ‘They just did what they were told.’”

First, if you’re in a scientific test situation, I’m pretty sure they’re not going to kill you. That’s like being worried on Survivor that you might really die rappelling or something. You won’t, or they can’t air the footage, you know? The test is already flawed. Second, “downing the mystery fluid” is the funniest non-euphemism euphemism I’ve read all day. THIRD, infected girls would TOTALLY be a hit at college frat parties. Gah. Nervous-making. I’m thinking of the friends I had to pull out of “they just did what they were told” situations back in the early-to-mid-nineties and this is making me shudder. I wish I had known that it was the fault of their damn murdery brain-parasite infecting cats.

And:

“…infected men like the smell of cat pee…more favorably than uninfected men do…The sniff test was done blind and also included urine collected from a dog, horse, hyena, and tiger.”

This made me laugh and snort iced coffee out my nose, you guys. “OK, Bachelor #1, your blindfold tied tight? Good, good. Now, sniff, nice and deep. Get a gooood whiff. What’s that bouquet? Explain the notes you detect in this sample. Would you say it’s more or less pleasing than the last sample?” “OH MY GOD THEY ALL SMELL LIKE PISS PLEASE MAKE THIS STOP”

Alright. SO. Does Flegr say to get rid of Dumbcat? NO HE DOES NOT. He actually HAS cats. (Of course he does. He’s already infected, what does HE care?) He says it’s actually more important to wash your fruits and vegetables, make sure you have clean water, and cook your meat well (or at least freeze it before preparing it, if you have to have it done rare, to “kill the cysts.” UGH EW. ALSO! Have I not TOLD you people, ALL ALONG, that beef is DISGUSTING? Yes I HAVE. I’ve TOTALLY been trying to save you from BRAIN PARASITES.)

Also, this sentence, totally full of win: “The so-called cat craze began among ‘poets and left-wing avant-garde Greenwich Village types.’” Hee! YES. All the hippies and rebels and the ones your momma warned you about with their crazy hair and eyes and KITTY CATS FILLED WITH DISEASE!

As you can see, our cats are totally trying to kill us through car accidents and inappropriate sexual behavior due to BRAIN PARASITES. Barring that, they’re trying to get us to fall in love with the scent of their urine, I assume so they can start peeing all over the damn apartment.

SO! Let’s take our new-found knowledge and apply it in the REAL WORLD. Like scientists! Scientists of SCIENCE! Here are some famous people with cats. Let’s diagnose them!

Ian Somerholder! Totally not infected. He is very sweet and very non-scary. Unless this is a photo of Damon, in which case, YES. Damon is TOTALLY infected with cat-poo-borne brain parasites. That would explain why I am so attracted to Damon, as well. Hmm. This one’s iffy.

Michael Jackson before he was scary and filled with plastic surgery and also dead! No, not infected. Michael Jackson was a lot of things, but overly masculine was not one of them.

Holly Golightly! I think half-infected. The fashion-conscious and outgoing half. The other half, the rule-abiding and trusting half, not so much. The asshatty half, TOTALLY all her, though. If you’re mathing for me, that’s three halves.

Bill Clinton! NOT INFECTED. Don’t you even say a WORD. I won’t hear ANYTHING against my Bill Clinton. I LOVE HIM THE MOST. He has NO BRAIN PARASITES. He is PERFECT. Well, he might have a touch of whatever makes me irrationally attracted to him, but not brain parasites.

Dr. Evil! TOTALLY infected. Also, hairless cats creep me out the most. I had a friend with a hairless dog once. It was so icky.

Marilyn Monroe! Candle-in-the-wind poster child for parasitic brain infection. She fits the bill perfectly.

And finally, a young and adorable Michael J. Fox holding Dumbcat’s DOPPELGANGER! (Although with a tail. Dumbcat doesn’t have a tail. He lost it somewhere, I assume, and forgot where he left it and then wandered off and didn’t go back for it. That’s just like Dumbcat, honestly.) Not infected. Marty McFly is totally not infected with brain parasites.

So! In SUMMATION! Dumbcat! I TOTALLY have my eye on you right now, bud. If I start acting all compliant and friendly and wearing “expensive, designer-brand clothing” (HA, like that is EVER going to happen, I’d buy electronics or nail polish with that money first) you KNOW I have been body-snatched by a furry assassin with too many toes and ever-so-slightly crossed eyes. WATCH OUT FOR HIM. He is ONE WILY CAT. Him falling off the back of the couch and get his head stuck in my winter boot last night WAS JUST A RUSE. A cunning, cunning, hysterically clumsy MURDEROUS ruse.

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About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

60 responses to “Feline Fatal Attraction: Dumbcat is Trying To Kill Me With Brain Parasites

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    I’m so very proud! Will go on to read the actual post now* and leave some comments.

    * now is not intended to imply just this minute, but rather sometime in the foreseeable future.

    Like

  • blogginglily

    I looked up brain parasites. . . Wikipedia lists them in a big chart. I looked first for MY brain parasite story. . . because. . . you know. . . it’s mine. Then I found yours a couple lines up.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_parasites_of_humans

    so yours. . . toxoplasma gondii. . . (which totally makes me think of Mahatma Ghandi, by the way) . . .prevalent in 1/3 of humans?? HOLY FUCKING SHIT!! It’s wikipedia, so take it with a grain of salt. And here’s how wiki says you can get it:
    “Ingestion of uncooked/undercooked pork/lamb/goat with Toxoplasma bradyzoites” okay. . . so far so good
    “ingestion of raw milk with Toxoplasma tachyzoites” alright and lastly, “ingestion of contaminated water food or soil with oocysts in cat feces that is more than one day old.”

    Wait. . . what?? I have to EAT CAT FECES??? Yeah, okay.

    Now. . . my brain parasites, Naegleria fowleri (Well. . . not mine, but the world’s). . . MY brain parasites are the sexiest brain parasites of all. If you get my brain parasite you’re totally making the news, because prevalence. . . “rare but deadly”. How sexy is THAT???

    Also, where do you get it? Hot springs.

    So when i was going to college at Montana State University, a buddy of mine was working at Yellowstone Park for the summer. He had a cabin in Gardiner, MT (all the employees did) and he worked as a Fishing Guide on Yellowstone Lake.

    I went to visit him and spent the night bar hopping with him and his friends, but before our evening of drunken revelry, we went to go “hot pottin'” with a couple of his female friends.

    “Hot pottin'” is essentially hot tubbin’. . . but in a river. The geothermal activity beneath Yellowstone park heated areas of the river, and the locals knew all the places to go sit in the river and drink a beer in the comfort of hot tub-like temperatures. One thing he did warn me about though. . . the deadly brain parasites. This actually segues back to a conversation we had about abortion. . . and how stupid 20 year olds are (no offense to any 20 year olds reading this). . .

    I took in his warning about deadly brain parasites and how the Park officials had told their employess that no hot pottin’ was allowed because. . . you know. . . deadly brain parasites. . . and then I had a beer and said. . . “fuggit. . . let’s go”. And he and I and his two (moderately homely) female coworkers went anyway.

    We walked a little bit outside of town with some beer and a few towels. It’s funny, but in Gardiner, Montana, the elk stand around in the street, and you can get pretty close to them because they’re SO used to tourists. Sometimes a moose or bear will mosey through town, but on the way to hot pot, we probably walking through and among at least 25 more or less tame elk.

    I did not die. Nor did he. I don’t think the girls did either, but they might have years later.

    I’m direct linking you to a picture I captured off google earth so you can see the approximate location (memory of actual location dulled by years of NOT going hot potting with deadly brain parasites, but it was walking distance from town, and we were drinking, so I figure a half mile at most)

    I don’t know if the direct link will work or not, but here it is.

    Like

    • lahikmajoe

      We meant something else when we said ‘hot potting’. Something else entirely.

      Like

    • lucysfootball

      I’m on my phone. Just so you know how painful a long reply will be, and therefore, how much I care about replying.

      I feel like there must be another way to get it from cats than eating feces. Airborne, maybe? Because who eats cat poo?

      “Rare but deadly” = awesome. Like a pricey hooker with the clap!

      Hot pottin’. This very much reminds me of the time I went into the lava tubes. Remind me to tell that story someday, if I forget. Similar bad decisions were made.

      Also, hot pottin’. Hee!

      I’m glad you’re not dead of brain parasites.

      Could you touch the elk? I’d have liked to touch an elk. Would it feel like a reindeer? I touched a reindeer once. It felt like a horse. But its antlers were cool.

      Like

      • blogginglily

        yes. . . it would feel like a reindeer, which feels like a horse. . . but no, don’t touch. Those things are huge, and still wild even though they tolerate your nearness more than most wild animals.

        It’s funny. . . every year I think more people die from being killed by moose/meese. . . whatever, than bears (in terms of wild animals). . . hahahaha! Wait, it’s not funny at all. Anyway, not that an elk is a moose. . . but my point is, they SEEM like they’re not super dangerous, but they can be if they decide to kick you to death or trample you. . . or kick you then trample you. . . or etc.

        Also. . . the website says you only get it from day old cat feces. . . so check the “best if consumed by date” before you eat your cat feces, kids!

        Like

      • Andreas Heinakroon

        No, they can’t get airborne in the traditional sense as they’re too big (many thousand times bigger than the biggest airborne virus), but I guess dust from changing the cat litter could get into your mouth and swallowed. Or you might not wash your hands properly afterwards and then prepare some food.

        So you wouldn’t have to munch on actual lumps of faeces (To sound more scientific, I’m trying to avoid saying the word ‘turds’ – Ach! Dammit!) to get infected.

        Like

      • Andreas Heinakroon

        By ‘elk’ I take it you mean ‘wapiti’ (Cervus canadensis)? Not ‘elk’ as in ‘moose’ (Alces alces)? In Europe we call a moose an elk (from the German ‘elch’, compare the Swedish/Norse ‘älg’/’elg’). I blame the British for the confusion. (And now I have a slight feeling of déjà vu – have I been droning on about this before?)

        I’ve touched an elk (sorry: moose), and their coat is rather coarse and a little oily. All the better to keep the cold snowy winters at bay, I guess. Except their noses; they’re quite soft. And of course elk calves are all soft and adorable. Wait. I should have some pictures somewhere.. Ah! Here: Young elk bull, Small elk calf. (And relax, it was all ‘good touch’, no ‘bad touch’. Just so you know.)

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          We totally talked about elk vs. wapiti before! I’m going to become the internet go-to girl for elk and wapiti-related questions. I’m ok with that. I like them.

          ANDREAS! You made it WORSE! Now I want to touch their adorable soft NOSES! And their CALVES! Aw! If I get killed trying to touch an elk or wapiti nose I WILL BLAME YOU. Avenge my death, kiddos.

          Like

      • Andreas Heinakroon

        I feel your pain. I type most of my blog comments on my phone and it’s SLOW. Even when using Swype. I considered getting one of those Bluetooth keyboards, but of course I’ve got an HTC phone and HTC didn’t bother with including the full Bluetooth stack for Android or whatever so it won’t work with standard HID keyboards. So now I would have to root my phone to get it working with Bluetooth keyboard, which would be risky and I’d lose all the little HTC apps I like.

        So I guess I’ll keep on Swyping. *sigh*

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          I still haven’t gotten into Swype. I did switch to a new keyboard for my phone, which I love. It remembers all the words you’ve ever typed and gives you the option to autofill once you type a couple of letters. It makes me laugh – “douchecanoe” pops up a lot. Oh! And “Andreas.” My phone knows you! :)

          Like

  • blogginglily

    son of a. . . it didn’t take my direct link!

    Like

  • elaine4queen

    i like this better than the original article.

    he was a bit unforthcoming about whether the interviewer had it or not. said he needed a bigger sample. PAH!

    Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    ‘Feline fatal attraction’ is a good one but it’s not the best. My favourite scientific term is the ‘Sneaky fucker strategy’, aka kleptogamy. It probably is rather self-explanatory but here goes: In species where males aim to gather a harem of females to mate with, there are two male strategies for successful mating.

    The first one is to be as big and strong as possible in order to fight off the competition and win access to the females. This is however both costly and risky. You might spend more energy than you can replace, or you might get seriously injured.

    The second strategy is to be a Sneaky fucker. This consists of avoiding any direct conflicts with the alpha males, and keep to the periphery of the harem of females. Then, when the leading male is busy fighting off any competing males, the Sneaky fucker male can sneak in and – well – fuck. And as long as he’s out of the way by the time the alpha male is back, he doesn’t risk getting into a fight.

    It’s a brilliant strategy, and this is probably why it’s a very common strategy. So beware of the Sneaky fuckers.

    Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    I’ve detected a pattern in your evaluation of celebrities potential infection with Toxoplasma gondii: anyone you find attractive cannot be infected, anyone else could well be. I suspect an emotional bias has been in play.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      You’re absolutely right. But I do find Marilyn Monroe attractive. Just so we’re clear. If I didn’t, I’d be a liar.

      Like

      • Andreas Heinakroon

        Well, who doesn’t? And she was intelligent, too. Which is always very sexy.

        Like

        • lucysfootball

          Her mix of intelligence, depressive tendencies and artistic qualities make me especially empathetic toward her. I can relate. Poor Marilyn.

          Like

          • greengeekgirl

            Lookit me, all late to the comment party!

            I was totally reading a couple of articles recently about how Marilyn was a reader–and not like, dimestore romance reader, but stuff like Joyce–and how everyone was so shocked that she would be this highly-literate person because she was all bosomy and beautiful (not an exact quote, but it boiled down to that). I wanted to stab the people who wrote the article in the eyes.

            Like

            • lucysfootball

              She was very intelligent. People want to believe in the “dumb blonde” because that’s easier for them and they are idiots, but she actually put that all on as an act because she was savvy enough to know what sold. She studied acting, the technique behind it; she was a voracious reader; she tried to better herself in a lot of ways. I have a lot of respect for her.

              Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    I had actually read about Toxoplasma gondii before. It’s rather an interesting parasite, with a typically complex and gross life cycle. The reason they want their rat hosts to be killed and eaten by cats is because they can reproduce sexually only in cats. Asexual reproduction (cloning) can occur in any mammal they infect.

    Like

  • lahikmajoe

    Although I have dogs and am definitely a dog person, I really like cats and have cohabited with quite a few. The thing is that I know quite a few cat people, and I’m sure they’re infected now. It’s a certainty.

    Thanks for this public service Amy.

    Oh, and I don’t care how dangerous they say it is, raw milk is so much better than pasteurised/homogenised milk. As is the cheese.

    If I get parasites from eating decent cheese or drinking real milk, then so be it.

    If I get caught as a sneaky fucker, I’m blaming the raw milk parasites.

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      I don’t think I’ve ever had raw milk or cheese. It’s better? Oh, you know how much I love my dairy products. Now I want to try some, parasites be damned.

      You’re welcome. If I can’t make a difference in people’s lives with my totally serious blog, WHAT GOOD AM I, I ask you?

      Like

    • Andreas Heinakroon

      No. You see, they are different things: Toxoplasma gondii is the brain controlling parasite, whilst kleptogamy is a strategy of reproduction. So if you’re a Sneaky fucker you can only blame yourself. Sorry.

      Like

  • Andreas Heinakroon

    “Stamp, stamp, stamp.” That gets me every time! Hilarious!

    (I went to the post office today to renew my driving licence, and they did really stamp my application form like that: “Stamp stamp stamp. There. Now it’s nice and official!“.)

    Like

  • renni

    Dr. Flegr also looks a little like Riff Raff from Rocky Horror.

    Like

  • renni

    “If you’re mathing for me, that’s three halves.” — nobody told me there would be MATHING!

    Like

  • lynnettedobberpuhl

    And now we know how the Stepford Wives are made. Sneaky fuckers, indeed. I wonder if I am infected. Toxoplasma gondii, one more thing to hate. *glowering* Don’t mind me, I am in a mood. Hope the premiere went AWESOME!

    Like

  • mr fengi

    Did the article mention – because I’m unlikely to read the whole thing after an awesome summary with humor – how cats who don’t eat rats get infected? Because our cat Fifty (not her real name, but a reference to how much extra we pay in rent to waive the no pets clause – which is still very cheap, luckily) is not a mouser, let alone a ratter and is suspicious of this whole outside thing unless it is in an enclosed area. She does want to attack birds, but much in the way I respond to dance battles, shifting around on the brink of making some action but having no idea how to start. Can cats transmit to each other? Sadly this doesn’t mean I’m safe, as I am lax about the whole washing fruit thing because I associate the skin with packaging so it must be okay…

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      No, it didn’t say, other than them eating mice or rats. I don’t know if there is a way, other than that. It did say strictly indoor cats were safe (which seems suspect – what if a strictly indoor cat ate a mouse or rat that came in from outdoors that was infected?) So probably Fifty (AWESOME blog-pseudonym for your cat! I approve!) is safe!

      Also, your dance battle analogy made me laugh out loud. :)

      EW! Wash your fruit, people in the store have TOUCHED that! And people in the store have GROSS GROSS HANDS!

      Like

  • lgalaviz

    OMG! I totally put on a pair of heels and sat politely through a stupid luncheon speech. I think I have brain cysts!! Damn.

    Like

  • Em

    I’m not allowed to read this, on the grounds that I will believe that I have them and then I will have nightmares and I will insist on going to the doctor or maybe even to a neurologist who will look at me as though I have brain parasites without actually BELIEVING that I have brain parasites and I think we can see that this is the type of catch 22 that no one wants to start, least of all me.

    Like

  • Em

    Or should it be most of all me? See? This is what comes of scary brain posts. AAAAAHHHHHHH!

    Like

    • lucysfootball

      Yes, this is a scary thought! Here’s a test, so you don’t have to read it. Do you tend to dress in designer fashions and do whatever’s asked of you, even if it’s something you shouldn’t do, like drink unidentified liquids? Then you probably have brain parasites! And read the post for more information. But if not, you’re ok. Probably.

      Like

  • Kris Rudin

    Speaking of cats stomping on your head to wake you up, you do know about the Simon’s Cat videos, don’t you? If not, stop what you are doing RIGHT NOW (unless you are driving or operating other heavy machinery) and go to YouTube and watch!!

    Like

  • kitchenmudge

    The feline community disapproves of this slanderous article and post.

    Like

  • How to Protect your Eggs from Kleptogamists « The Best Self-Help T-Shirt Catalog Ever!

    […] Here is the premise, a posting by Andres Heinakroon to Amy’s Cat Urine Brain Cyst Blog: […]

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  • Duckie the quintessential sneaky fucker « lahikmajoe

    […] and introduced, so I’ll actually start there. Amy started the ball rolling with her post Feline Fatal Attraction, which is quite funny and worrisome and a bit odd. Exactly what one would expect from Amy. She […]

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  • edrevets

    They’re INSIDE OUR BRAINS! AHHHHHHHH! MUST KIILL!

    but who, myself, or them?

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    • lucysfootball

      No killing! They’re fairly harmless. Well, I mean, no one LIKES brain parasites. But we do love cats. And there’s really nothing to be done about parasites. I guess they’re just something we have to deal with!

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