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Jonathan, grab your magic bone.

If you don’t like Buffy the Vampire Slayer you probably shouldn’t read this post. No, seriously. I mean, I’m sure you could probably find something else to do. It’s a big world with many options for entertainment. OK, I mean, this isn’t COMPLETELY about Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It’s about other things, too, and I’m sure will have a lot of asides and such. But if you read this and you come into it HATING Buffy the Vampire Slayer pretty much you’re going to be SO COMPLETELY CONFUSED AND DISGUSTED OMGWTFBBQ that you’re going to throw up in your hat. Also you might be a cyborg and I don’t think you have a human soul, but whatever, that’s neither here nor there.

Last night, I had a ticket to see the Indigo Girls at The Egg. Now, if you’re from the area, you’re well aware what The Egg is. If you’re not, you’re thinking, what is this Egg of which she speaks? The Egg is pure awesomeness. It’s our performing arts center in the Empire State Plaza, and it’s this weird architectural…thing…that I am just utterly baffled and charmed by each and every time I see it. It makes me irrationally happy. Here is a photo for you.

When They Might be Giants performed here they wrote us a little song about The Egg and made a little video as one of their venue songs and everything. Again, IRRATIONALLY HAPPY.

OK, enough history about The Egg. On to the Indigo Girls. In college, I discovered the Indigo Girls, and I have loved them ever since. Yes, even though I am not a lesbian! I know this is totally shocking but straight girls can like the Indigo Girls as well. I like folk and I love pretty harmonies. And then there’s this song. Which has been on my personal top twenty songs since 1992. It is one of my best things.

Yes, I know, buzzkills, that this is just a cover of a Dire Straights song. See? Thought you’d be that more-knowledgeable guy, didn’t you. Well, I already KNEW that. However, the cover surpasses the original, in my opinion. I have listened to this so much I’ve worn out a CD and had to re-purchase it. This doesn’t happen much. The second time around I was smart and downloaded it. I don’t think you can wear out your computer. If you can, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. Oh, and also, in doing research just now, I just found out that The Killers did a version, which I MUST FIND IMMEDIATELY OMG. Anyway! This song cemented my love for the Indigo Girls, and is what got me through a million bad relationships and breakups and roadtrips and all that jazz (jazzhands!)

So anyway, I’ve loved the Indigo Girls for almost twenty years, but have never had a chance to see them live. I found out very late in the game they were coming to The Egg, and checked for tickets kind of half-heartedly because I was sure they’d be sold out. No! Not sold out! I was sitting one row from the back, but still got a seat! Huzzah!

Monday and Tuesday I was dying from a headache that would not go away and I pretty much downed an entire bottle of aspirin and thought maybe if I either bumped something or accidentally cut myself (things that happen on a regular basis to me) that I would bleed to death, either internally or externally. I debated just staying home, because I was just about to hurl. But NO! INDIGO GIRLS! I owed it to my 18-year-old self! (I owe her a lot of things, and I often give her treats, like taking her to see concerts that would have just about killed her twenty years ago. I think she appreciates it, even though she is totally broody and wears too much eyeliner and writes angsty poetry all the time and drinks too much and is constantly making bad romantic lifestyle choices.)

So, onto The Egg! I was very late, because my GPS (it’s a TomTom, which I have cleverly named Tom Tom. He likes his name and I didn’t see any reason to change it. However, Tom Tom speaks in a woman’s voice. He’s kind of confusing, gender-wise. Tom Tom might be short for Thomasina, I suppose. Whatever. I am not here to judge the life my GPS system chooses to lead) could NOT FIND the Empire State Plaza and even though I’ve been there 43 kabillion times (ok, FINE, like 20) I can’t find anything without my GPS. So I had to try to use a phone book (fail, it’s like they KNOW no one uses them anymore so they’ve just totally given up, I looked up Egg and it was all, “Egg, see THE Egg,” and I thought, if you could take the time to write that, why the hell didn’t you just tell me the address for my poor gender-confused GPS, you moron?) and then go into 4 year old email archives for an email with back-way instructions from a friend who has since moved away to some secret parking she knows about. Well, it’s not so much “secret” as it is “something you have to walk pretty far for but it’s free so yay with the free.” Oh, very late for me, by the way, means I was fifteen minutes early. I like to be half an hour early. So fifteen minutes gives me the vapors. What if there’s an accident or traffic or I have to stop and rescue a flying squirrel or something? YOU CAN’T TELL WHAT WILL HAPPEN.

So I got there and there were a million billion people, which was fine, because I like when there are a lot of people, because it means more money for the venue and the performer and more good groups will come to the area. Got my program. Went in. Realized I was probably one of the only non-coupled, non-lesbian people there, which was kind of just the most awesome ever. The amount of love in that room was really awe-inspiring, and I’m not even in the least bit being sarcastic.

There was an opening act – I figured there would be, since it was starting at 7:30 – named Common Rotation. So I read the little bios. The bio said the names of the performers in Common Rotation – Eric Kufs, Jordan Katz, and Adam Busch. I’d never heard of the band, but honestly, I’ve discovered some of my favorite bands as the opening acts to performers I’ve gone to see, so I was down with the opening act. I also always feel kind of bad for the opening act. I feel like they know no one’s there to see them and are talking through their set and peeing and checking their voice mail and things like that and it’s kind of a waste and that makes me sad so I try to pay twice as much attention to them to make up for it.

“Huh,” I said. “Adam Busch. That’s funny.”

BACKSTORY. (AKA Time for Buffy Now.)

I am a Buffy fanatic. I’m not just one of those people who watched the series and liked it and moved on. NO NO NO CHARLIE. I am OBSESSED with Buffy. I have watched the series MULTIPLE TIMES. I know TRIVIA about it. I know the songs that were used in the episodes. I know the TITLES of the episodes. I own Buffy COLLECTOR’S ITEMS. And I know the actor’s names who played most of the major characters over the run of the series.

Adam Busch happens to be the name of the person who played Warren Mears in Seasons 5-7 of Buffy.

If you’re a Buffy-phile, you remember Warren. This is Warren: 

Warren is best known for creating a sex robot, being part of the Trio of supervillains (her “arch-nemesises…ses”) who attempt to eliminate Buffy, attempting to rape/murdering a girl, (deep breath deep breath deep breath this was possibly the worst thing that Joss ever did to me) killing Tara, and then getting flayed alive by Willow as a revenge for the murder of her girlfriend. Warren lives on in Season 8 (the comic-book season) – well, as far as I’ve read, anyway. I don’t have high hopes he’ll survive past the end of it. He seems to be expendable.

Now, listen, Warren’s character was completely execrable. There was very little redeeming about him. At all. BUT SOMEHOW I TOTALLY ALWAYS FELT BAD FOR WARREN. I think this was equal parts the writing and Adam Busch’s portrayal of the part, but the thing is, the Trio were just these total losers, and they were just trying to MATTER. They were doing it WRONG, but they really just wanted to count for something. And that always got to me.

Also, I thought Warren was kind of cute, in a dorky nerd way. I ALWAYS LIKE THE NERDS BE QUIET.

MOVING RIGHT ON.

Now, the show was starting, so I didn’t have time to get out my phone and Google it, and honestly, why would I Google it, because what are the odds that a character from Buffy would just HAPPEN to be in the opening act (an opening act, by the way, I’ve never heard of, and I keep up, for the most part, with what the Whedonverse alumni are up to) of a band I’ve been wanting to see live for twenty years? Slim. Very slim.

So the show started! And the guys came out. One, two, three…OH MY GOD TOTALLY WARREN FROM BUFFY.

Who, by the way, ten years later, is ADORABLE. Here. I found some photos for you. 

I was in the same room as an actor from Buffy. Who was going to be at the merchandise table afterwards but I only had $3.76 and that was not enough to get a CD unless I prostituted myself and I don’t even think that would have made up the difference, honestly. I AM NOT WORTH THE $5. So I didn’t get to MEET Warren from Buffy, but I wanted to. It’s probably best I didn’t. Remember what a moron I made of myself around Kevin Smith? THIS WAS AN ACTOR WHO WAS ON BUFFY. Also? HE HAD A BEARD. We discussed this. Beards have become my goddamn kryptonite. NO DEFENSE AGAINST THEM. Also, I am so attracted to talented people I can’t even tell you. They have a name for people like this. It starts with star- and ends with fucker. SHUT UP. It isn’t star-fuckery if you’re just DREAMING about it. Only if you DO IT.

Common Rotation has apparently been around for about ten years – since Buffy ended, then – and have kind of a cult thing going on, and work with They Might be Giants, and the Indigo Girls, and did a kickass set of living room tours to protest Clear Channel’s stranglehold  on the musical touring market.

You probably at this point want some sort of concert review, right? You know, I would love to give that to you? I totally would. Here’s the thing. I am a book geek. I am a television geek. I am a wee bit of a movie geek, and I am a total theater geek. I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT MUSIC. I don’t own that many CDs. I know what I like, and I listen to it until the CD wears out. I don’t have a decent MP3 player and I don’t care. I am not up on the trends. I don’t know who singers are. (I am the person, when watching something like the MTV Music Awards, says things like “Who’s that? Who’s that? Who’s that?” every two seconds. Like an old person. Also, are the MTV Music Awards even a thing? I kind of made that up off the seat of my pants, there.) Kevin has had some really excellent concert reviews up over on his blog recently, and a., I wish I had the kind of musically-inclined brain that could think about, and write about, music that way, but it is not in my wiring, and b., I honestly thought like twice through the concert, “I wish Kevin was here, because then he could write about this and people could know how awesome this is because they’re certainly not going to get any sort of good concert review from me IT’S WARREN FROM BUFFY AND HE SINGS NOW AND ALSO PLAYS THE GLOCKENSPIEL. I should really look into getting some ADD medication.”

So here is my “concert review.” I’m doing it in a list form. It’s not really a review. That’s why it’s in sarcastic quotes. Sorry. Please keep in mind I know NOTHING about music. Nothing. I am tone-deaf for the most part. I just know what I like. Also I get distracted easily.

  1. Common Rotation are a fun, quirky folk band that you should totally check out, and not only because of Warren from Buffy. Their harmonies are gorgeous. They play many fun instruments. (Glockenspiel! And don’t quote me, but I think a banjo and a trumpet – well, it could easily have been a mandolin and some other horn, but whatever, something that wasn’t a guitar and a brass wind instrument of some kind!) They really have adorable stage presence which just misses being twee-hipster by a hands-length so they don’t annoy me. They have fun songs and romantic songs and sad songs and political songs. I am actually going to download their most recent album, and I never do that. Highly recommended. And again, NOT JUST BECAUSE OF WARREN FROM BUFFY. I’m totally embarrassed I didn’t know about them sooner considering they’ve been around for ten years.
  2. Adam Busch discussed serial killers onstage and was wearing a very dapper suit with either a pocket square or a flower, I was pretty far back so couldn’t tell exactly. I LOVE ADAM BUSCH SO TOTALLY HARD RIGHT NOW.
  3. The women next to me were very grim and very angry. At the intermission, while I geeked out all over my phone to everyone I know about Warren from Buffy being IN THE SAME BUILDING AS ME OMG, they started a very loud, very pointed conversation about “how SAD it is that SOME PEOPLE don’t do ANYTHING but play on their PHONES. PHONES ARE FOR CALLING PEOPLE. Oh, and asking your partner whether they want mashed potatoes for dinner.” Um. Well, ladies, here’s the thing? I didn’t come with anyone, so I’m not using it to the point of ignoring a friend. I don’t have a book to read instead, and it’s not like I’m bothering you, who I don’t even know, and it’s the intermission. I don’t think this is really a problem. Also I don’t have a partner and I HATE POTATOES. RUDE.
  4. When I realized it was Warren from Buffy, I wanted a photo. I didn’t think this would be a problem, as I looked around and saw (I’m not exaggerating) about 20 or so people either taking photos or videotaping the show. So I got out my phone to take a photo. (I would not have done this if my phone had a flash, because that’s rude. But it doesn’t, so it’s pretty under-the-radar and doesn’t bother anyone. The screen stays dark and it doesn’t flash the people around me. Other people were flashing and bright-screening all over the place.) This fascist usher in back of my POKED ME SO HARD and hissed “NO PHOTOS OR VIDEOTAPING!” which was very upsetting and rude because THAT IS WARREN FROM BUFFY. But whatever, what if I got kicked out? I paid for my ticket and I wanted to see the rest of the concert. So I put it away and didn’t like it much that everyone else in the entire venue apparently got to videotape and photograph to their heart’s content. Also, today I checked online and the Indigo Girls website clearly states that they ENCOURAGE their fans to record their shows so I assume that Common Rotation, as they’re on tour with the Indigo Girls, probably are under the same rules. WAY TO RUIN MY PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN TOTALLY BLURRY AND WOULD HAVE PROVEN NOTHING TO ANYONE BUT ME USHERETTE STICKLER. (Oh, also, before someone gets all “But when you walk into The Egg there are signs all over that SAY no photography or videotaping!” probably there are, but I’ve never been there when I’ve had a cameraphone so I didn’t ever think to check. Also, THERE WERE A TON OF OTHER PEOPLE DOING IT AND NO ONE YELLED AT THEM.)
  5. The Indigo Girls were very good. (And I hope I’m still rocking that hard at 47/48 years old, oh, wait, I don’t even rock that hard now.) However, I had no attention span. Because of Warren. From Buffy. I liked them a lot, don’t get me wrong. But as far as I’m concerned, I paid that ticket price to discover a new band, and be in the same room as a Buffy alumnus. Also? THEY DIDN’T PLAY “ROMEO AND JULIET”. I know. Please let that sink in. I thought for sure they would, because it’s one of their biggest hits. Nope. Mostly new stuff, a few of their older hits, and then DONE. I was very sad about this. And I wasn’t the only one. That’s all I heard as we were leaving. People were actually singing it on their way to their cars. Now, I know it’s kind of a dick move to go to a concert and only want one song? And it always makes me feel like I’m Homer in that episode of The Simpsons when Bachman Turner Overdrive comes to Springfield and starts singing a new song and he says “We don’t WANT any new crap, just ‘Taking Care of Business!’” and they sadly start singing that and Homer says, very scowlily, “NO! Skip right to ‘working overtime!’” And they do and Homer just wants them to sing that one little part over and over. I’m Homer. I’m the Homer in this situation. But I wanted “Romeo and Juliet” SO BADLY. 18-year-old me wanted it and grown-up-me wanted it and it was so sad that it wasn’t there.
  6. The Indigo Girls had Common Rotation come out and sing backup for them a couple of times. That was the best. Both! Both the Indigo Girls AND Warren from Buffy!
  7. To the woman in back of me who thought it was a good idea to KICK OUT THE BEAT OF EVERY SONG ONTO MY SEATBACK: Die. Die in a fire. A really, really big fire. During which someone kicks out the beat of “Under Pressure” on the back of your head with a golf shoe with razor-sharp poison-tipped spikes. I TOLD YOU YESTERDAY I NEEDED FROG POISON.
  8. Why are there always some people who think seat-trance-dancing is a good idea in every single concert? You know, standing up, right in their seat, and waving their arms around like they’re tripping or like they should have a glow-stick? Also, if I was the person behind them I WOULD BE SO PISSED. Hey! Nazi usher! Maybe something could be done about the kicking, or the trance-dancing, and not about me taking A TOTALLY LEGAL AND NON-INVASIVE PHOTO THAT PROVES I WAS IN THE SAME ROOM AS A BUFFY ALUMNUS?
  9. Also, I have to say kudos, audience. This is the first concert I’ve gone to at The Egg since I moved to the area where some douchecanoe asshat piece of shit didn’t scream out “FREEEEEEEEEBIIIIIIRRRRRDDDDDD” like he’s the first person to ever think of that. YOU ALL DESERVE A PIECE OF CAKE FOR THAT RESTRAINT.
  10. I wondered why Adam Busch didn’t say in some of his adorable microphone patter “So I’m Adam Busch, you might know me as Warren Mears from Buffy” so he could bask in the Buffy love, (yes, yes, I KNOW, you probably would want to concentrate on the MUSIC or whatever, but if you were a Buffy alumnus, I think you would also be SO PROUD of that. Wouldn’t you? I mean, I would. I would WEAR A DAMN T-SHIRT. I would GET A DAMN TATTOO. On my FACE) then I realized he was in an Indigo Girls audience and Warren’s one best-known act (well, other than being flayed alive, and that sex-robot thing) is killing Willow’s lesbian lover. Nice omission, Adam Busch. Well-played. Staying alive = a high priority. Cool cool cool.

So that is my concert review. You are totally disappointed. I know. There was very little concert in that concert review. I AM SORRY. I don’t know anything about music! It was good. It was a good concert. I enjoyed it all so so so very much except I’m totally exhausted today. Oh, and also, LGalaviz told me that she used to work with someone who used to be on “that Buffy show.” And that she “thinks he had leather pants but can’t remember who it was” and that she “probably is messing with me.” OK, leather pants = SPIKE. There is no way someone would be this mean, right? I mean, to PRETEND TO HAVE WORKED WITH SPIKE?!?!?!??!? UNLESS THEY ARE SECRETLY THE DEVIL. Dammit, LGalaviz, you’re probably going to have to kill me now that I’ve guessed that.

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About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

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