Selected Items from the "Reasons Why I’m Currently Single" List

#27         One of my exes got us kicked out of somewhere once because he wanted to start a fight with someone. I don’t remember why. All the way home, he kept punching his hand and muttering how he could have taken him. (He couldn’t have.) My father still calls him “The Pugilist.”
#45         I like being able to go out and do things without having to tell anyone where I’m going or when I’ll be back. If I wanted a minder, I’d still live at home with my parents.
#59         I don’t like the idea that someone else would have a say in what gets watched on the living room television. If I want to watch Bridezillas, that’s the way it is. I shouldn’t have to bargain with someone about it.
#71         Another ex, when faced with our imminent breakup, laid in the road and said he’d rather be hit by a car than lose me. I thought this was romantic, rather than COMPLETELY PSYCHOTICALLY INSANE. I obviously do not have good taste in men; therefore, I should stay away from them.
#99         Comfort trumps sensuality when sleeping. I don’t want to wear lingerie. I want to wear sweats or a stretched-out t-shirt.
#117      I have no idea how to flirt. I’m still in the “punch someone in the arm or insult them to show them you like them” 3rd-grade mindset. This does not work well when you are in your mid-thirties.
#128      I sometimes get crazy eyes when I am really excited about something. If I was in love with someone, there is a good chance I would have permanent crazy eyes; this could not bode well for my chances in living a normal life.
#134      One of the guys I met while online dating packed a bag on our first date – our first time meeting one another – and when the date was over, and I made to get out of the car, showed it to me and got very, very angry that I was not inviting him up for a sleepover. “But I find you attractive! When is someone ever going to find you attractive again?” he said. He seemed normal, until the date. See #71 – bad, bad taste in men. Should not be allowed around them. Or, I should, and I could be used like a drug dog, and could sniff out the crazy ones for nice girls to avoid.
#146       I’m kind of a bitch. I don’t really want to constantly have to be on guard about that. Some days, things really, really piss me off. It is not a good idea to get in my space on those days. But if you had a significant other – they are always in your space. Oh, also I have personal space issues, so there’s that. OK, let’s just say, I’m a big old ball of crazy, and it’s exhausting to think about hiding that from someone.
#151       The kids that called me a huge nerd in high school were right. I’ve embraced it, but the awesome nerd guys are mostly taken by the other awesome nerd girls.
#157      I’m still waiting for a Breakfast Club-era Judd Nelson to marry me, so I’m really kind of unavailable.

About lucysfootball

I'm not the girl with the most cake. Someday. SOMEDAY. View all posts by lucysfootball

One response to “Selected Items from the "Reasons Why I’m Currently Single" List

  • Zem

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