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Category Archives: shopping

March 8, 2013

Those were the reasons and that was New York: a day with Andreas (part five)

By lucysfootball

OK, let’s see if we can get this puppy wrapped up today. Which honestly, is a little sad? Because that means it’s over. I was grocery shopping today and I realized that a week ago, I was grocery shopping for things for my trip to New York last week, and now that is a whole week ago. Sigh.

So let’s see. We are now at LUSH, shopping for bath and body supplies. LUSH is very crowded. It always is. LUSH stores are all very small, smell delicious, and are packed with people. It’s the rule, apparently.

So FIRST, we smelled all the soaps. This was kind of the most fun. Mostly I made comments like this:

  • “I like this one. It smells like lemonade.”
  • “Don’t ever buy this soap. It’s got raisins in it. RAISINS. And they get all over your bathtub floor and clog the drain.”
  • “This soap is called Lust but mostly it smells sneezy and terrible, and if someone used it for sexytimes I think I would gag. That’s not lusty, it’s vomity.”
  • “This is a good soap for you because it smells like men.”
  • “This soap is good because it’s both lemony AND scrubby so it’s like two things in one. It’s a multitasky soap.”
  • “This soap smells like nothing. If I wanted a soap that smelled like nothing I could get one at the drugstore and I wouldn’t pay a billion dollars for it there.”

So then Andreas picked out some soap and I picked out some soap and also I got a shampoo bar and then the salespeople tried to sell us things like a hair treatment that smelled like the beach and a tin for my shampoo bar and we nodded politely but we didn’t want that hair stuff and I already had a tin at home. Then it was time to pay and here is the best thing. So at LUSH, they cut you a piece of soap from a BIG piece of soap to order. Like, you tell them you want a quarter-pound of soap, and they cut it for you right there. They pride themselves on being fresh. That’s their thing. So the lady went to cut our soap (NOT A EUPHEMISM) and when she came back she handed us our soap. Andreas was getting BIG chunks of soap. “You are NOT KIDDING AROUND ABOUT YOUR SOAP!” she said to me. Because I’m a lady. She thought the soap was for ME. I totally told on Andreas. “Oh, that’s his,” I said. When I said that? He became the hero of LUSH. ALL THE LADIES AT LUSH LOVED HIM. They were all starry-eyed over a man who knew his soap. The checkout lady was all impressed, and then one of the salesladies was all impressed with him. It made me giggle. He was the hero of the good-smelling soap store!

Here’s my LUSH haul:

Ooh, look, I’m gonna be fancy. CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: Sandstone soap (lemony and also with sand in it, so it’s scrubby AND lemony); Coalface cleanser (the BEST soap for my weird facial issues; unfortunately, it is very expensive, but if I could afford it, I would use it all the time); and Seanik shampoo bar (smells like the ocean and lasts forever as long as you keep it dry between showers; it’s very handy for traveling!) YAY FOR LUSH! Thank you for going to LUSH with me, Andreas!

Then we needed to find an outfit for his wonderful daughter. Now, sizes in Europe and America are different for little ones, but we were smart and researched it on the internet, and knew going into it what size to look for. WE WERE PREPARED!

We were not prepared for not being able to find a single place that sold children’s clothes on the entire street. And it was a big street. 6th Avenue. I mean, seriously. That street doesn’t dick around, you guys. IT IS THE AVENUE OF THE AMERICAS. MERKA!!!! If you walk far enough, it becomes TIMES SQUARE! And the Empire State Building is right there, I mean, come on!

MERKAS!!!!!

MERKAS!!!!!

So we walked and walked and WALKED and I really was just hoping for a Baby Gap, seriously. We went into Macy’s because we thought maybe there would be baby clothes in there (shush, I’m about to tell you a shocking thing, I HAVE NEVER BEEN INSIDE A MACY’S BEFORE SATURDAY, I know, I always thought it was TOO FANCY FOR ME) and come to find out there were no baby clothes, and it was the weirdest store I’ve ever been in. It’s not like I imagined it at all. It’s like all different counters for different very expensive things like fancy purses and super-expensive makeup. I thought it was going to be like an expensive version of Sears. I know. I’m a weirdo. Anyway, the music in there was SO LOUD. It was “Moves Like Jagger” which I hate anyway but SO LOUD. Like, we could not hear each other talk. It was like being in a disco where you could also buy a handbag or a tuxedo. We ran out of there like we were on fire, seriously.

Then we just kept walking and walking and walking and looking for a Baby Gap and guess what we saw in the middle of the street? SOMETHING TERRIFYING!

SCARY ELMO BUT NOT!

SCARY ELMO BUT NOT!

AND…

COOKIE MONSTER BUT NOT! *shudder*

COOKIE MONSTER BUT NOT! *shudder*

They looked filthy and creepy and I was so afraid they were going to look at me or touch me so I went past them super-fast and with this noise: “EEEEEE!” because I don’t trust people in suits. I don’t know their intentions or that they’re not John Wayne Gacy in there.

FINALLY WE SAW A BABY GAP! It was like angels sang! So we went in and looked at adorable little-girl clothes that made me smile. Come to find out that the research we did was for naught. FOR. NAUGHT. Because at Baby Gap, they have sizes by WEIGHT or HEIGHT or AGE. That seems foolish. Just size things like normal humans, Baby Gap.

We found the BEST outfit, however, because we are AWESOME, and I told Andreas he could pretend he didn’t have help picking it out when he got home but he said he wouldn’t lie. AW! Listen, Andreas is possibly one of the most stand-up guys I know. Sincerely. It’s kind of awe-inspiring and makes me so happy. So we found a little pink skirt with a little crinoline peeking out at the bottom and a pink sweater that matched and it was so cute it made my whole ovaries cramp up. STOP THAT FOOLISH OVARIES!!!

(SIDE NOTE: I’m totally biased and I think all my friends’ babies are the most beautiful so it won’t surprise you that I think Andreas’ children are the most beautiful children ever ever EVER. Imagining her in that little outfit made me grin and grin.)

The salesperson was ALSO impressed with our shopping prowess and then I think he thought we were married until he asked “where are you from?” and we said “Albany and Finland” and laughed. ALSO, the outfit was totally on some sort of secret SALE, so as you can see we win shopping.

Then we decided to go back to the hotel and decide where to have dinner. Because guess what time it was? Almost time to go. Sigh.

So back to the hotel! Past the scary not-Elmo and not-Cookie Monster! Past men who attempted to hoodwink us and bring us to the Empire State Building and that was weird! ALL THE WALKING!

Stop trying to bamboozle me, people, I've already BEEN to the Empire State Building, it's not like it changes up there!

Stop trying to bamboozle me, people, I’ve already BEEN to the Empire State Building, it’s not like it changes up there!

Then we went back to the hotel and researched Thai restaurants because Andreas totally waited to get Thai until I got there because he knows I love Thai. Isn’t that so nice? Yes. We also played a game called “Amy looks at Andreas’ passport and says all the names of the animals in there in terrible Swedish and makes Andreas laugh and laugh at her pronunciation and also makes fun of the drawings because some of them were so awful.” Honestly, it was one of the most fun things. Partly because animals and partly because I got to hear Andreas speak Swedish and partly because it made us laugh and laugh so much. Do you know where a true friendship is born? If not, I will tell you. Laughing with each other. I am quite sure of this. Helping each other through hard times comes later; if you can laugh together, that’s the true test right there. And we totally passed that test. With all As. A PLUSES, actually.

I can't find any inside-the-passport photos. Probably because of identity theft. There are ANIMAL drawings inside.

I can’t find any inside-the-passport photos. Probably because of identity theft. There are ANIMAL drawings inside. ANIMALS!!!

Then we realized I should bring all my things with me, because I’d have to leave straight from the restaurant to the train station. Again: sigh.

THAI RESTAURANT!

We chose between three that were within walking distance. One was delivery only: RULED OUT. One was – I’m not even kidding – like a disco before 7pm? Odd. RULED OUT. That left…

Pongsri Thai!

Pongsri Thai!

It was a nice little restaurant and the food was delicious. I had something with a lot of seafood that I feel like was called “Deep Oceans” or something and Andreas had something with chicken and green curry and I was all “urgh I hate curry” but he said “you should try Thai curry, it’s different from Indian curry, you might like it” and totally let me eat some off his plate with a spoon and I DID like it so now I know I can safely eat that and THAT is exciting!

There was a man sitting behind us who was an asshat and he yelled at the waitress and then the manager because – I’m not kidding – he was charged on his bill for his child’s free soda refill, and it CLEARLY STATED it should have been free, and that was INEXCUSABLE, what were they trying to PULL, and that was embarrassing. Dude, it was like $2, right? CALM DOWN.

Then we talked and talked and talked MORE but also it was in the back of our minds that it was almost time to go. That’s the worst part of any wonderful trip, isn’t it? The whole time you’re having the best time ever, you keep thinking, “this is going to end soon” and then you are sad.

When we were done, we realized that we had a LITTLE more time so we walked over to Penn Station and almost didn’t find it because I’m terrible about such things but then we DID find it. And we had like 45 more minutes so we went to Starbucks for MORE COFFEE and also because I’d never been to Starbucks for anything but a cookie one time years ago and Andreas thought it was high time that I try only the most ubiquitous coffee in all the land. (I wasn’t the most impressed. I like Dunkin’ Donuts better.)

So we sat and we talked MORE and laughed MORE but also sad. Because twelve hours went by in a blink, no matter how many blog posts I turned it into.

Then I said, “Andreas! We didn’t get any photos of the two of us. People will think we LIED about being in the same city!”

So then this happened, and it is now the screen saver on my phone, because it’s possibly one of my favorite photos of me ever taken, because I just look so damn happy, and I’m with one of my favorite people in the whole world, who ALSO looks so happy and wonderful, and he’s someone I never thought I’d meet in real life, not in a million years. It’s just the most amazing photo. It couldn’t make me happier.

And it was taken in Starbucks. With a cellphone camera. Sometimes things just work out.

Then it was time to walk to Penn Station, which was only a few steps away from the Starbucks. So we walked over, and I gave Andreas one hug, and then said, “Nope, I’m giving you another hug” and did. And then I said I was going to go into the train station now, because I didn’t want to cry in front of him. (I have a weird thing about crying in front of people. If you’ve ever seen me cry, you know why. It’s not pretty. Plus I think it’s about as vulnerable as you can get, and I don’t like that. I know. It’s a weird thing about me. Like you’re at all surprised there’s another weird thing about me.)

Then I went into Penn Station and got on the train and rode home (and the train was SO HOT, I stripped down like a cut-rate burlesque dancer until I was down to a t-shirt and jeans, good grief) and texted Andreas and sj and tweeted all the way home and it just flew by. And I might have cried a little. Oh, shush, I cry over COMMERCIALS, if I didn’t cry over having to leave one of my favorite people after having one of the best days I’ve ever had, there’d be something wrong with me.

When I finally got home, I was the most exhausted. Also, my legs hurt for three days afterward, because that’s a lot of walking for a sedentary lady like me. (Why is it your legs never hurt WHILE you’re walking? Nope. The next morning you wake up all OW OW OW!)

Me when I got home. SO SO TIRED.

The last thing Andreas and I discussed before I left? When I was going to come to Finland. You know how I’ve been kind of jokey about it before? Well, the jokey has stopped. The plan as of now is summer 2014. Yes, that’s a bit of time from now, but a plan has been made. Andreas is in charge of finding me the best flight deal (because seriously, when I search, the flights are all like $1,100, but he finds flights for like $650, and I DO NOT KNOW HOW HE IS DOING THAT. So that’s his job.) I’ll be staying for a week or so; I’ll get to meet Andreas’ family; I’ll get to go to Finland and see Andreas’ islands and the ocean and so many wonderful exciting things. Surprisingly, Dad’s totally behind this plan; I think that’s because Andreas turned out to be not a female truck driver after all.

I’m going to Finland, you guys. Not even in a jokey “hey rich people, sponsor me a trip!” Nope. I have a good job with time off; I can afford to send myself to Finland. I have a place to stay. I have 15 months to learn some Swedish so I can talk to Andreas’ children at least SOME. I don’t want to be that weird lady who visits from America (with, let’s face it, THE BEST PRESENTS) and is unable to talk to them at all. That would be the worst.

Andreas thinks Lufthansa will be the best choice. Lufthansa here I come!

Andreas thinks Lufthansa will be the best choice. Lufthansa here I come!

Now Andreas is home safely, and presents were distributed to much glee and his family was so, so happy to see him (as of course they would be, he is ANDREAS) and I miss him already. Why are my people so far away, I ask you?

Thanks for sticking with me for Andreas and Amy take New York City week, my favorite minions! It’s been the most fun to share it all with you. I promise we’ll be back to our regular scheduled programming tomorrow (or if not tomorrow, then soon – might have something going on tomorrow night, not sure yet. I KNOW SO SECRETIVE!)

Thank you, Andreas. I knew you were amazing before I met you face-t0-face; actually being in the same place as you was just the best thing ever. Thank you for one of the best days I’ve had, and one of the best trips to my favorite city in the world I’ve ever had. You are wonderful; I am so, so lucky to know you. Thank you for being one of my best friends. Thank you.

I’m going to get on the train (totally a euphemism) now so you don’t see me cry. All aboard!

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27 comments | posted in friends, happiness, New York, shopping, travel

March 7, 2013

Those were the reasons and that was New York: a day with Andreas (part four)

By lucysfootball

Whew, here we are again! Sorry for the absence yesterday, I had to review a musical that was based on Emma and was set in the late 60s in a newsroom and Emma was Dear Abby. It was surprisingly not as bad as that sentence makes it out to be. Also, Emma is one of my favorite Austens so I was predisposed to like it a little. And the actress playing Harriet was lovely.

It wasn't as good as this, though. This will always be my favorite "Emma." That was way harsh, Tai.

It wasn’t as good as this, though. This will always be my favorite “Emma.” That was way harsh, Tai.

ANYWAY, where were we? So I went to the city, met up with the glorious Andreas, we did a fancy gift exchange, had breakfast, and went to the zoo. I’d link all those posts, but I’m sleepy and you can scroll down and see them. So if you’re behind, scroll scroll scroll! You’ll want the WHOLE STORY! As it is a grand, grand tale with much glory and excitement.

So after the regular zoo, it was time to hit the CHILDREN’S Zoo. The Children’s Zoo is where you can touch things. You know I like to touch animals. (NOT IN A NAUGHTY WAY STOP THAT.) So we needed to go to the Children’s Zoo, for all the touchery.

I apologize in advance for not taking more photos in the Children’s Zoo but I was photoed out, plus also other reasons. Don’t question my reasons, that’s totally rude.

This is the entrance to the Children's Zoo plus also it's mentioned in "The Stand" so it's totally literary, yo.

This is the entrance to the Children’s Zoo plus also it’s mentioned in “The Stand” so it’s totally literary, yo.

On our way, I made Andreas stop at the squished-penny machine with me because I love those damn things and I don’t have a Central Park Zoo squished penny. The instructions on the squished-penny machine were overly intricate and confusing and poor Andreas got a penny he didn’t want before he got the one he DID want. Also, he does not appreciate that a., our quarters do not say twenty-five cents on them, and b., our money is all the same color. When I told Dad this, he said, “THAT’S WHAT ALL THE SOCIALISTS SAY!” and I asked what that had to do with the socialists and he said, “Stop playing dumb, Amy.” So I didn’t get the answer to that question.

Here is my squished penny (I’m sure these have a real name, but I don’t know what it is – souvenir penny, maybe?)

Penguins!!!!

Penguins!!!!

I don’t remember what Andreas got on his. One was something he didn’t want, like an ant or something, and one was something he DID want, but I don’t remember what. Andreas, what did you get?

Then it was time for CHILDREN’S ZOO!

Children’s Zoo was kind of a letdown, to be honest. There were – let’s see if I can remember. Goats and a llama and a bull and some sheep (which some weird man kept calling “llamas” and this made me despair for the intelligence of humans – SHEEP ARE NOT LLAMAS!) and some birds and, strangely, some goldfish. There was a weird stretchy web-thing that kids could bounce on but adults could NOT bounce on it. There was a sign and everything. It was kind of a letdown, zoo-wise.

Andreas totally got pecked by some bird and that made me laugh, and then a fun duck walked right in front of me and I said, “ooh, I wonder if I could touch this duck” and one of the zookeepers said, in a totally strident voice, “NO. It is that duck’s FEEDING TIME and he is ALLOWED to WALK wherever he WANTS and DO NOT TOUCH HIM.” Um. OK. I will not, but tone it down, Calamity Jones, it’s not like I was going to wring his neck and have me some duck l’orange for dinner, okay? Sheesh.

Then THIS happened, and listen, if one of these things pops up, you have to get your photo taken at it. YOU HAVE TO. It’s a zoo rule. A total zoo rule.

This is me as a bunny. As you can SEE, this was not meant for adults, and I am totally sticking out the side/back. Also, it was gross and kind of filthy in there. And I hate my glasses because they become sunglasses with the slightest light and it’s the worst, I look like a stoner.

Then THIS happened, mostly because I said, “please? Please? When are we going to get to do this again. PLEASE PLEASE?” and I think I wore him down.

Andreas is a bunny, too! He managed to squish himself in better back there. He’s much better at being a bunny in a children’s zoo than I am.

Then we were freezing so we decided it was time to go back to the hotel, get Andreas some warmer clothes, and go get lunch. So back to the hotel of fanciness we went!

When we went into the subway I saw the following sign, which I had to take a photo of for Dad. IT PROVES HIS POINT! I told Andreas he didn’t have to stand next to me while I was acting touristy in the subway. He walked away and then when I was done I walked over and said in a touristy voice, “HELLO TOTAL STRANGER CAN I TAKE THE SUBWAY WITH YOU SOMEWHERE?” and I think all the other boring commuters liked my little piece of performance art. It livened up their day.

ZOMG! DAD WAS RIGHT!

I told him about this statistic and he thought the sign was lying and making it lower than it really was. Why? The government. (That’s his answer for everything.) Look at that guy in red there on the sign. He’s not being safe at ALL. Why’s he leaning all out over the tracks like that? I kind of feel like if he got hit by a train, it’d be survival of the fittest, wouldn’t it? The fittest would be the people NOT leaning out over the tracks like a drunken buffoon. Also, if only 55 died, 86 lived. There are 86 people walking around who can say, “BAM MOFO! I got hit by a SUBWAY TRAIN and LIVED! I’m a GOLDEN GOD!”

Back to the hotel for warming up and donning of more layers for Andreas. He was very worried I would be too cold as I did not have enough layers but I was not THAT cold. We were walking a lot. Also I had to fix my hair because it was very windy and my hair was a MESS. That meant I had to go into Andreas’ fancy hotel bathroom and do you know what was in the shower? A BENCH MADE OF WOOD.  We’re not sure why, either. I guess so you could rest while shampooing? Or for old people? I don’t know. It was kind of an Asian-feel hotel room so it might just have been for ambiance. I don’t know about such things, my apartment is decorated with cat hair and half-torn-apart mouse toys.

Then it was time for lunch. We decided to just walk and find a place that looked promising and eat at that place. Like fancy people do. We ended up at a place that we chose because it had Korean food, but once we got inside, it also had a billion other things like paninis and coffee and fries and burgers and sandwiches and I feel like maybe that was too many things since I have trouble choosing between TWO things. Andreas had a sandwich and a little salad and some chips and I was randomly not that hungry so I had a little dish of fries with things on them like cheese and fake bacon bits. They were called FANCY FRIES. How can I not get something called Fancy Fries? I AM FANCY!!! It’s like they were MADE for me!

Roastown Coffee! It was fun and eclectic. I approve.

Roastown Coffee! It was fun and eclectic. I approve.

Also, we had MORE coffee, because we totally hadn’t had enough yet, right? AND Andreas let me have his pickles from his salad because he’s the best. “I bet you love pickles and want those, right?” he said. HOW DID HE KNOW? I hadn’t told him. He’s filled with magic, that Andreas. I DID want those pickles. And I ATE them. We sat and talked and laughed and ate for so long that people were totally waiting for our table when we left. Sorry, people.

Then it was time for…ta dah ta DAH! SHOPPING IN NEW YORK! Andreas needed to buy gifts for his people. Gifts are important. I approve.

Earlier in the day, we’d walked by one of my favorite stores in all the land. It is a store it is very hard to get men to go into with you. I didn’t even plan on going to it on this trip, because I didn’t know Andreas’ stand on such a store. I’d made BFF go into it with me when we hit New York City six years ago, and he was not amused. (Although he totally stayed the whole time, because he’s the best sport. And he loves me.)

BUT, when we walked by ONE OF MY FAVORITE STORES, and I saw it and my heart went “ooh, aah!” and guess what?

Andreas saw it, too, and said “Oh, I love that place, we’ll have to stop there when we’re shopping later.”

THIS IS WHY ANDREAS WINS NEW YORK CITY AND FRIENDSHIP!

(Fine, it’s not WHY he wins, he wins because he’s amazing and supportive and funny and kind and all superlatives, but it went pretty far with me.)

What store?

LUSH!

It is filled with soaps and bath things and lotions and perfumes and all things that make me go all girly and say squee, squee. I know, sorry to ruin your image of me being a total badass, but here’s the scoop – I love pampery things like soaps that smell good and scrubs to make me soft and perfumes that make me delicious. I know. I’m quite an enigma, don’t even try to figure me out.

OK, it is now officially hours past my bedtime, so the rest of our saga will have to wait until tomorrow. So stay tuned for: adventures in LUSH! and OTHER SHOPPING WE DID WITH MUCH GLEE! and THINGS WE SAW IN THE STREET! and DINNER! and such. I think we’ll reach an end to the tale of Amy and Andreas take New York City by storm tomorrow. Which is good because I have other things to blog about, you know! Something else exciting happened this week, and also I totally have stories on the back burner! But this story will not be stopped, no no no, we must bring it to its conclusion or wouldn’t that just be the rudest? It TOTALLY would!

27 comments | posted in animals, food, friends, happiness, New York, shopping, travel

January 4, 2013

Shopping for fruit with Shareena

By lucysfootball

Confession: I have never owned an Apple product.

I KNOW! It is kind of a sin in this day and age. I mean, I just got the laptop last April. Before that, I had an ancient Dell. Before THAT, I had a typewriter. No. I’m not kidding. I still have the typewriter. It’s in my closet in case of emergency. (I’m not even kidding, once there WAS an emergency. My printer shit the bed and I had to write a resume all at the last minute and I had to type it. The correction tape wasn’t working. So THAT was fun and I didn’t cuss up a storm or anything. Ahem.)

I am QUITE the typist. As long as I have a million years. And a correction tape.

I am QUITE the typist. As long as I have a million years. And a correction tape.

I’ve only used an Apple product once. I used to dogsit for the loveliest couple when I was in grad school. Well, dog and cat-sit. They loved me because I worked at the shelter so they thought I had the inside scoop on how to take care of animals. (I didn’t – I don’t – but I love animals and know how to cuddle and walk and feed them, so that’s ok, then.) They had two hyper dogs and two laid-back cats. And the best house. And I lived in a crappy apartment even smaller than the one I have now, so whenever they went bon vivanting – which was fairly often, they were pretty travelly – they’d have me come stay at their place and watch the menagerie. I got to pretend I was a fancy lady for a week or so and ALSO that I was a fancy lady that had PETS so it was all very awesome. (I would check in on my own cat – I only had one then – twice a day when I went into town for work.) One time, my car was in the shop, and the husband even let me use his CAR. These people were the best, no joke. ANYWAY, they had an Apple laptop (those have a name, don’t they? Like Macbooks or something?) and they were all, “Go ahead and get online if you want!” (This was a long time ago when getting online wasn’t a big deal and there wasn’t a lot to DO online) so I was all, “Um, I don’t know” and one night I was the most bored so I decided to try it and it was the EASIEST THING EVER. So in the back of my mind I always thought, “Maybe Apple’s ok with me. I don’t mind Apple so much.”

When I got a cell phone a couple of years ago, I didn’t have the option of an iPhone. I got my cell through Virgin Mobile, so your options were limited. I got the fanciest Droid available at the time, but couldn’t have gotten an iPhone if I’d wanted to. (And couldn’t have afforded a plan anywhere but Virgin Mobile anyway – for all the issues with it, you really can’t beat $27 a month.)

Not a BAD phone...if Virgin hadn't loaded it with all the crap in the land.

Not a BAD phone…if Virgin hadn’t loaded it with all the crap in the land.

Most of my friends have iPhones. They LOVE them. I was all, “NO NO I LOVE MY DROID.” And I did. For quite some time.

Well, it was kind of a pain in the ass it didn’t have service upstate where my parents live. Otherwise, though, really a kickass phone.

Over the past few months, the phone has decided to go insane.

First, the apps that came loaded on it seem to be taking up ALL the internal memory. Like, every last bit of it. Even if you went into the app store and asked them to stop updating. So every couple of days, the phone would say, “NO INTERNAL MEMORY!” and would do nothing at all until you deleted one of YOUR apps. Which you put on the phone. Because you needed them. If you didn’t do this, none of your texts would come through to you, you wouldn’t get any of your notifications, and you couldn’t open anything without getting a “YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MEMORY FOR THAT!” notification.

(SIDE NOTE! I feel like I’ve told you this before but I’m telling you anyway. So years and years ago, my roommate C. had a Playstation. On the Playstation she had a Jeopardy game. It was much fun and we liked it a lot. One weekend, her boyfriend (also C.) came to visit so we all played Playstation Jeopardy. During final Jeopardy, we all closed our eyes respectively so the other person could type in the answer. When C. (roommate) and I had our eyes closed so C. (boyfriend) could type in his answer and bet, the Playstation kept saying, in a VERY offended tone, “YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR THAT!” and C. would go, “Dammit” and then type furiously and then the Playstation would say, “YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR THAT!” and C. would go, “Dammit” and C. and I, with our eyes closed, were in HYSTERICS. “C.!” roommate C. said. “YOU OBVIOUSLY ARE BETTING MORE THAN YOU HAVE! You can’t DO that!” and then we giggled and giggled and C. was all, “Dammit.” Whenever I see anything that says “You don’t have enough _____ for that,” I totally get the giggles all over again. Every damn time.)

Oooh, Playstation "Jeopardy." YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR THAT!!!

Oooh, Playstation “Jeopardy.” YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR THAT!!!

Anyway, today (your yesterday, I suppose) my phone, which has done a decent job for two years, decided it had had enough. “NOT ENOUGH MEMORY!!!” screamed the phone. And made me delete every app but the ones it came with (the only apps it came with that were any good were Gmail and Google) and Twitter and Facebook. That’s it. I was down to two apps.

I’d been thinking about getting a new phone for a while, but wasn’t going to do it until next week. Well, that was it.

Off to the Verizon store for me. I can afford a plan now; my office has a deal with Verizon where we get a certain percentage off our bill as well. Best of all, Verizon has service up where my parents live (and throughout most of the country, actually.) I did research into phones. I talked to people. I did research into plans and carriers and this and that and blah blah blah.

And I walked into the Verizon store and the very nice lady said, “How can I help you today?” and I said, “I want a phone and a plan, please.”

Seriously, this is like CRACK to a phone salesman. I’m pretty sure they get commissions from sales.

She started her spiel about phones and plans and this and that and the other and I said “I want the iPhone 4s, if you have it in stock, please.”

(I got the black one. I'm not a white-phone person.)

(I got the black one. I’m not a white-phone person.)

Oh, she liked that. She asked if I knew about the iPhone 5. “Yes, but it’s $100 more, and for the added features, I don’t know that it’s worth it for me at the moment,” I said. “Oh, people don’t usually come in having done any research,” she said. Well, lady, I’m anal and I like to Google shit, what can I tell you.

So yes! We decided on the iPhone 4s. She started to discuss plans. “Unlimited calling and texting, 2G data a month should be enough, I think, since I can hook up to my wireless at home,” I said. She laughed. “You might be the perfect customer. I could use about ten more of you a day.” I WIN SALESPEOPLE! (Well, sj does. She told me about this. I sure as hell didn’t know.)

I also totally let her talk me into a pretty case, even though friend A. told me he’d let me have one of his old ones. Because I needed a car charger and apparently some sort of screen protector thingy (which yes, I’m sure I could have gotten a LOT cheaper online) and if I got a THIRD accessory I got a certain percentage OFF and I like deals. It has birds on it. It’s a dusty purple with birds on it. I kind of love it the most.

I couldn't find a photo of my case but here's a super-ugly one with a weird warped duck on it so that's nice.

I couldn’t find a photo of my case but here’s a super-ugly one with a weird warped duck on it so that’s nice.

So I got in and out of Verizon in about 45 minutes with a new phone and all the fancy accessories and I’m only a LITTLE freaked out about having a contract which I’ve never had before. That makes me feel a little locked into something. But I suppose everyone in the land has one so it’s not the WORST thing in the world, and also probably they’re not going to drag me down an alley and beat me with belts or something. I should probably get over the “I need to be able to escape quickly” state of mind I’ve always had as if I’m in the witness protection program or something.

(Also, I got the last one in the store. Saleslady was all, “We don’t have any more, they have them at the mall…” and then said, “Wait a minute” and found the last one. She seemed honestly surprised by this discovery so it wasn’t even a sales trick of some sort. I win phones today.)

Here are things I have learned about the iPhone in the past few hours:

  • for something that’s supposed to be very easy to use, it’s very confusing to me because it’s not at all like a Droid
  • it totally lets me put all the apps on it without even complaining
  • sj is the most helpful with setting up iPhones (get ready for a billion more questions, my sj!)
  • it’s super-pretty
  • Siri didn’t at all understand what I was asking her and seemed a lot more helpful in the Samuel L. Jackson commercial
  • it’s both bigger and heavier than my old phone, but also faster and makes me feel more fancy
  • I’m kind of already a little in love with it and I barely know what it does yet

Also, when I called Virgin Mobile to cancel my service, the lady called me “Shareena” even though she knew my name was Amy, and that doesn’t even SOUND like Amy, and said I had to call back in two hours because all of their systems were down. Um. That doesn’t bode well, Virgin, and also sounds like a lie to me. So when I was all “So when I call back in two hours, I can totally cancel my service?” she said, “Yessssss?” but in a curiously unsure way. Hmm. Shareena does not approve.

So, tentatively, I am back on a cell, and will be emailing those of you that need the number with the new number soon, and dude, it is PRETTY. And I can’t wait to finish this so I can start playing with it again.

Also, last night I read my first Kindle book (ok, it was a short-ish story) and it went SO WELL. I love the Kindle, it works beautifully. Very pleased.

Off to try to convince Siri my name really is Amy, and not that I want to CALL Amy. How come on that commercial that kid can get Siri to call him Rock God without a problem? That’s annoying.

25 comments | posted in cell phones, shopping, technology

December 30, 2012

Never eat shredded wheat: a sign my brain is broken.

By lucysfootball

Are there only two days left in the year? Really? Huh. That’s…kind of abrupt, really, right?

Today we had blizzard number two in the week of blizzards. Well, I guess two blizzards doesn’t really make it a WEEK of blizzards but if you hate driving in snow so so much it seems like it. Also, this is the flu that will not stop, and I am FREEZING. Which is not like me, as I am usually warm like a little stove. So that’s been fun with the cold cold snow and the having to clean off the car and such. Leave it to me to fall in love with a place that is so COLD this time of year. Brrr.

This photo was in the Times Union. This happened to my car once. It was not easy to dig out of, I can tell you right now.

This photo was in the Times Union. This happened to my car once. It was not easy to dig out of, I can tell you right now.

So far, however, I have not slid off the road or into anything, so I consider that a winter win so far. WINNING WINTER!

I have had a very long day and kind of want to go to bed soon so we’re going to ramble for a bit and then wind this up and go to bed. I know. Sorry, lemon drops. My brain’s scattery today and I want to put on pajamas and fall asleep so I can turn my brain off for a bit. YES! I KNOW! It is SHOCKING, even old Lucy’s Football gets weary, even though she seems like she might be like the Energizer Bunny sometimes. It is true. And I am especially weary right now.

SO, apparently, they still want me to review at the paper, because I got two more assignments next month. YAY! It is by far my favorite thing ever. One of my assignments is going to be VERY exciting because it’s not only at a new theater I’ve never been to, it’s in a TOWN I’ve never been in. An hour away! Well, THAT’S exciting! I wish it was during the day so I could enjoy the drive more and see all the things to see. When I told Dad this, he said “Where is it?” and I said, “Far.” “FAR IS NOT A DIRECTION!” he said, and laughed and laughed. But to me, far TOTALLY is a direction. Without my GPS, I wouldn’t be able to go anywhere, seriously. So I looked it up and I said, “It is…um…never eat shredded wheat NORTHEAST FROM HERE.” And Dad said, “What the hell? Shredded wheat? You sound like Rainman.” and I said, “Um. Heh. Yes. This is…how I know…the points on a compass?” “The…what is wrong with you. What are you talking about? You’re going insane,” said my supportive father.

I also think Compass Rose is one of the most beautiful names for anything ever.

I also think Compass Rose is one of the most beautiful names for anything ever.

See, you know how you get a map, and sometimes there’s a compass on it, and sometimes there isn’t? But usually there’s at least something that points north so at least you know which way is north. Anyway, a very helpful friend in college who was also one of the best artists I have ever known taught me that there’s an easy way to remember the points on a compass: clockwise from the N, you say “Never Eat Shredded Wheat.” See? North East South West. Now I KNOW some of you don’t NEED this trick and probably just know the points of the compass like all intuitively or whatever, and to that, I say, huzzah to you. I am the kind 0f person who not ONLY needs this little mneumonic trick, but ALSO needs to hold up her left and right hands at times, make an “L” out of her thumb and forefinger, and knows which one is her left hand by which hand has the forward-facing “L”. I refuse to think of this as a SHORTCOMING, per se. I think of this as freeing up my mind for more important things, like the lyrics to “Everybody Wants Something” from Degrassi Junior High episodes in the 80s and every hurtful thing everyone’s ever said or done to me and how it felt to see my very first movie in the movie theater when I was four. These things are IMPORTANT. More important than knowing which foot to put in when someone says to put your left foot in, come on. When’s that going to come in handy? Weddings? Well, that’s dumb, I’m not participating in that shit.

Shut up, it's totally a thing, I found this on a kids' learning site. IT IS A THING!

Shut up, it’s totally a thing, I found this on a kids’ learning site. IT IS A THING!

Anyway, once I explained this to Dad, he was SO DISGUSTED, and he said, “You’d better not go anywhere without your GPS. You scare me. YOU SCARE ME. Shredded Wheat. Even your MOTHER knows the POINTS on a COMPASS. Even! Your! Mother!”

Sorry, Dad. I am a total disappointment, directionally.

I am also reviewing a show at the fancy theater in Schenectady, which is always a joy. AND, I totally bought tickets for a show ALL ON MY OWN which was exciting because I could afford to do so for once. YAY ME! So I get to see at least three shows next month!

AND, in news of VERY EXCITINGNESS, I totally made the leap into the 21st century and made a major purchase last week. I have been tracking it ever since; it’s set for delivery Wednesday.

KINDLE FIRE HD!!!!!!

KINDLE FIRE HD!!!!!!

ZOMG I KNOW!!!!

Not ONLY am I FINALLY getting an ereader, it is also kind of a TABLET and does things like CONNECT TO THE INTERNET and I can tweet and Facebook and such on it. And watch television and movies and listen to music and ALL THE THINGS YOU GUYS. And isn’t it so PRETTY? I am so excited. It’s my Christmas present to myself. I even did research and such. Also, my library has an excellent selection of e-books to check out for Kindle, and this is awesome, because I can totally get books from the LIBRARY for it. Don’t worry, paper books will still happen. But I’ve been coveting one of these for a while, and it’s been a tough go for a while. I deserved a present. And I had the money to GET that present. I’m kind of so excited I’m bouncing. I’m sure I will tell you all about it until you are all SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR STUPID KINDLE.

Today is “Amy lazes on the couch and finally watches The Avengers” day. I finally got it from the library, it only took a bazillion years. I am very excited and might not even change out of my pajamas all day. That’s a lie, I hate being in pajamas all day. I feel gross and like I stopped trying. When I was so sick and didn’t feel like changing I couldn’t even call the Chinese food deliveryman because I was all pajama-d up and felt repulsive and didn’t want anyone seeing me like that. I KNOW! I COULD NOT EVEN ORDER SOUP.

That is enough rambling. I have important things to do like eat popsicles and catch up on episodes of Grimm (MONROE!!!) and then go to bed. I know, I really live quite a charmed life, no? Happy last Sunday of the year, all. Enjoy your day!

31 comments | posted in conversations, family, rambling, shopping, technology, tired

December 25, 2012

Just utterly crammed with Christmas cheer, just absolutely stuffed

By lucysfootball

Merry Christmas, my darlings. And joyous Yule. Or whatever you celebrate. Maybe nothing, in which case the happiest of non-secular Tuesdays to you, and I most sincerely hope you get the day off so you can say, “I HAVE THE DAY OFF FOR NO GOOD REASON!” which I think would be kind of awesome, wouldn’t it? You could do whatever you WANT! Perhaps go see Les Miserables!

If I didn't hate people so much, I'd go see it just for "On My Own," yes I would.

If I didn’t hate people so much, I’d go see it just for “On My Own,” yes I would.

I’m writing this the day before, as I tend to do. I had a half-day for Christmas Eve; no one was in the office. It was a ghost town. A ghost town of people looking at the clock and was there ever a mad dash for the door at noon – whoo! Most people seemed to want to do things like get to traveling or start baking or something. I needed to go buy toilet paper and milk and was worried the Rite Aid was going to be closed. I wasn’t even going to dare the Target or the grocery store, not on Christmas Eve, no no not THIS woman.

Whoo, look at THIS Rite Aid! Fancy, no?

Whoo, look at THIS Rite Aid! Fancy, no?

At the Rite Aid, people were scrambling for last-minute gifts like possibly soap-on-a-rope, I don’t know. I just wanted some toilet paper and some milk. Also some chocolate, because sometimes you need chocolate because you think it’s going to make things all better? (Side note: most of the time it does. Depending on how badly you’ve been hurt. And I suppose how much of it you eat. And just how good the chocolate is.)

So there were a billion people around the cards (listen, I’m sorry, there’s not that one perfect card…it’s what you WRITE in the card that counts. I hate to tell you this NOW, at like the literal 11th hour, but that’s just the truth. You could give a blank card, and write the right thing in it, and it’d be the perfect card. Trust me on this one, ok?) and pawing through the Christmas chocolate and the decorations and Christmas nailpolish and they all had that wild-eyed look in their eyes like MUST GET THINGSSSSS even though the THINGSSSS were THINGSSSSS from the Rite Aid, and not the right things (or even the “rite” things), probably, at all.

It amused me someone online took a photo of the Rite Aid Christmas aisle. Mine was looking...sparser than this today.

It amused me someone online took a photo of the Rite Aid Christmas aisle. Mine was looking…sparser than this today.

So I got my toilet paper (yes, yes, YES, I realize only a dummy runs out of toilet paper on Christmas Eve. And I didn’t run OUT. Don’t be getting mental images of me having to use CATALOGS or something. I just was down to one roll and was worried I might run out tomorrow when nowhere was open to get any more. And THEN it would catalogs, you know? No one wants to be the person trying to use a catalog to clean their nether regions on baby Jesus’s birthday, people.) (SIDE NOTE: I just read that last sentence to my mother and she GASPED IN HORROR and then LAUGHED AND LAUGHED and said “Amy, I know why people read your blog” and I said, “Well, please tell me, I need to know such things, for like RESEARCH or whatever” and she said “Because no one else would ever come up with such things, not anyone ever” and that strangely pleased me, even though I think it was possibly an insult or maybe just the horror, knowing my mom) and some milk because I had a terrible thought, WHAT IF I RAN OUT TOMORROW and I totally wanted a glass of milk. I mean, sure, I haven’t had just a GLASS of milk in like…um…years? But what if I WANTED one. And it was not AVAILABLE to me. Well, that’d be a fine how-do-you-do, now wouldn’t it. And then I was perusing the chocolate selection and it looked like maybe there had been a run on all the chocolate. Why did you people need so much chocolate? Will there be trick-or-treating? What’s that? Stockings? ALL of this for stockings? Huh. I just wanted some chocolate. Preferably some with mintiness involved. ‘CAUSE IT’S CHRISTMASSY DAMMIT. Grumble. (I had to settle for nuts. Nuts are, by the way, not a substitute for mintiness when you have your heart set on mintiness. Nuts are FINE, but not when you wanted MINT, don’t get all “AMY NUTS ARE GOOD.” This is going euphemistic super-fast and that’s not at all what was meant.)

Let's be honest: this is what I wanted. These things are Christmas crack for me.

Let’s be honest: this is what I wanted. These things are Christmas crack for me.

So anyway, I was standing at the chocolate area being all “sigh this is not at all what I wanted, stupid Christmas Eve” and this MAN with a PLAN decided was SO IN THE WAY and shoved past me very very vehemently. Which caused all the chocolate on one part of the display to collapse and fall EVERYWHERE. So he stood there looking at it dumbly for a minute then was all “SIGH SIGH” and picked it all up. So, therefore, in his rush to shove past someone who, by the way, was not even in the way? Cost him about twice as long as just nicely walking past someone would have. Nice one, Christmas Carl.

Then forty-billion people drove around my car when it was halfway out of my parking spot. Didn’t wait for me to pull OUT of the parking spot. Just drove on past. One honked. Well. Um. If you’d waited for me to pull out? Then I wouldn’t be in the way? And you could get around me? Because I started pulling out before you even pulled into the parking lot?

Then I came home to a very cuddly cat and a very warm blanket and a very supportive friend and some very delicious Chinese food; these things, combined with the aforementioned chocolate, managed to make the day not as bad as it could have been.

Sorry for the crankyness of this Christmas post. I should be more…um…mistletoey and holly-sprigged? I’ll get right on that. Where’d I leave that mistletoe DUMBCAT PUT THAT DOWN.

Later there will be It’s a Wonderful Life and The Grinch and A Wish for Wings that Work; tomorrow there will be the opening of the gifts (yes, yes, I will try to remember to take some photos for you) and A Christmas Story. Back to work on Wednesday. Lots to do, which is exciting. I like going in and knowing I have things to do. Then right back to normal; theater things and work things and right back to Amyland and then the new year happens. Oh, I’m looking forward to you, new year, and all your shiny newness. Let’s shed this last year like a snakeskin we’ve outgrown, won’t that be nice? Yes. Yes, it will. (Ironically, the interwebs informs me 2013 IS the year of the snake. Appropriate, no?)

I like this crankety-ass frog, yo.

I like this crankety-ass frog, yo.

Merry Christmas and Yule and whatever you celebrate, my most favorite favorite ones. Spend the day with your most beloveds and hold ‘em real close, ok? Well, I suppose, if you can. Your most beloveds might live in the computer or across the world or whatever, I don’t know your life. Just let them know you love them. Because now’s the time. It’s always the time right now to do that. While they’re there. What, you don’t trust me by now? Trust me on this. Really.

May all good things be yours today. My most fervent wish for each and every one of you today. Even you, Ding Dong Joe. Even you.

15 comments | posted in Christmas, holidays, shopping, thoughts, work

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