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Category Archives: Books

February 21, 2013

A shocking and surprising revelation! Ooh! Aah!

By lucysfootball

I have a confession to make. It’s going to shock and awe you, so prepare yourselves. Probably take a seat? Get yourselves a cool beverage? Take some deep breaths?

Are you all prepared? Jeez, I hope so.

I have fallen madly in love with e-reading.

I KNOW. I totally fought it, you guys. Kicking and screaming. I was all YOU WILL TEAR MY PAPER BOOKS FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS. A couple of years ago, I found out that I was going to get a Kindle for Christmas, but when my dad found out, he told my brother’s girlfriend “OMG DO NOT GIVE HER THAT SHE WILL PITCH SUCH A CHRISTMAS FIT!!!” so she exchanged it for something else and I don’t even remember what right now. When I talked to her about it a couple of days later, she said she still had it; did I want it? (She’s very generous, no joke.) And I thought about it, but decided against it. I didn’t think I would use it. And it seemed like a very expensive thing to take that I wasn’t going to use. (I wouldn’t have pitched a Christmas fit, though. I’m very gracious about receiving presents I won’t use. I put on a very nice face and am all, “Oh! Wow! SO NICE! And thoughtful!” and such and the person doesn’t even know I’m planning where in my closet I will stash the thing.)

I don't ever even make this face. This face is a dead giveaway.

I don’t ever even make this face. This face is a dead giveaway.

Oh, SIDE NOTE, and speaking of Dad, I spoke to him this evening, and he was VERY UPSET ABOUT SOME THINGS. First, Mom was making him go to this three-day church thing where you go listen to these friars talk about…I don’t know, being friars, I guess (Dad says that none of their last names are Tuck, and they don’t wear brown robes with rope belts, so I think this friar thing is really overrated) and that means he’s going to miss Survivor. MISS! SURVIVOR! Can you even imagine? Who will yell at Jeff Probst if Dad is listening to the friars talk about being friar-y? And THEN he told me that Mom has a COLD and he has to SIT next to her at church and WHAT IF HE CATCHES THAT COLD? He is an old MAN, you know! THIS COULD BE IT! He might be ONE COLD AWAY FROM DEATH! And, guess what else, GUESS WHAT ELSE! There was some ice he slipped on the other day and he fell, and now he is QUITE SURE he has BONE FRAGMENTS from his BACK in his BLOODSTREAM that are WORKING THEIR WAY to his HEART, because that’s what happens, Amy. THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS. So as you can all see by this very lengthy side note, Dad is totally on the way out, and he won’t even get to watch Survivor as his last request. IT IS ALL VERY SAD.

Dad has become convinced his dimples are surgically implanted. He calls him "Fake Dimples" Probst.

Dad has become convinced his dimples are surgically implanted. He calls him “Fake Dimples” Probst.

OK, let’s get this train back on the tracks. Choo-choo!

So I fought the relentless wave of literary technology. I got my books from the library; once and a while, I’d buy one. This worked out just fine, mostly because I was poor and library books are free, you guys.

However, I was lucky as hell to get an amazing job in December, and along with this amazing job that I actually enjoy going to on a daily basis comes an added bonus – a real paycheck. A paycheck that covers the bills AND leaves money for additional things like new phones and Netflix and such. And I kind of wanted a tablet. And I thought, well, I could get a Kindle. That’s a tablet AND an e-reader. It’s the future. I really should get with the future. EVERYONE is in the future. Every single person. Except me.

I have a terrible sense of direction. I'm sure I missed the exit and accidentally got off in Parsippany.

I have a terrible sense of direction. I’m sure I missed the exit and accidentally got off in Parsippany.

And I thought of all the sad tree-books that were not getting read and all the publishing houses that were losing money and possibly going out of business and it totally made me sad-face like I was probably betraying all those books that got me through all the hardest times of my life. But it is the FUTURE. The future! Who am I to deny the future, really?

Then I got my Kindle in the mail. And it was – oh, my. It was so pretty. SO PRETTY. And I got a snappy orange case and it was very easy to set up and install all of the apps onto and it hooked up easily to the wireless in my house (whew, thank goodness I got wireless for the laptop last year, I’m using the wireless for SO MANY THINGS right now) and then it was time for books.

So I took books I had on my laptop Kindle app, which I barely used and it annoyed me the most because I hate reading books on the computer screen, and moved ‘em on over. Then I had some books gifted to me from a wonderful friend. So I had a LOT of books on the Kindle.

One was a Stephen King/Joe Hill short story I hadn’t read yet. “I’m not really CHEATING on paper books if I read this one short STORY,” I thought.

How can I resist a new King/Hill story? HOW, I ask you?

How can I resist a new King/Hill story? HOW, I ask you?

So I brought the pretty new Kindle to bed with me.

That’s where the trouble starts, you guys. The bedroom. Every single time. It’s what your momma warned you about.

THE KINDLE WAS SO PRETTY. And so easy to use. And the pages were so bright and crisp and easy to see. And you can just pop on over to the next page with a simple swoop! and then there you are. And you can hold it in one hand. And you can totally snuggle under the covers easier with it. And and and…

Oh, you guys. I totally dig the Kindle.

So, so much.

Also, it’s a lot easier to read it in the light booth at the theater than attempting to keep your place and prop up a book on the sound board while you’re trying to keep your place in the script and run the cues. And you can highlight passages you like and you can bookmark where you are. (Highlighting is a problem in library books. I’m the jerk who makes little light pencil marks and puts in a billion bookmarks so I can write down the passages I liked when I’m done reading. Then I erase them, I’m not a total asshole. In library books. When I OWN the book, I write all OVER that sucker.)

I promise I don't do this. PROMISE.

I promise I don’t do this. PROMISE.

So, I take it back. I take back all my hatred of e-readers. I take it all back. You were right, all you people that exhorted me to please, please, PLEASE get off my ass and get an e-reader, already. I LOVE IT.

Also, one-click ordering might be my downfall. And the Kindle – which is actually a Kindle Fire HD – displays graphic novels GORGEOUSLY. So did I actually buy all of Joe Hill’s Locke and Key graphic novels tonight and spend an exorbitant amount of money on them because I wanted to own them all? Yes. Yes, I did. SO PRETTY.

"Locke and Key" is GORGEOUS. Also beautifully-written. If you're not reading, I highly recommend it.

“Locke and Key” is GORGEOUS. Also beautifully-written. If you’re not reading, I highly recommend it.

Do I still have (and read) paper books? Yep. I have a pile and a half from the library I’m working my way through. And some that I own. All the paper books. I don’t HATE them. I’m reading one right now, actually. I’ll never stop loving my paper books. They make up most of my decorating scheme, anyway. What would I do if I got rid of them? The place would be SO EMPTY. Dumbcat would be SO CONFUSED.

I owe you an apology, e-readers of the world. I’m sorry I was so yelly about you. You are actually the most awesome. I don’t know that you will be the downfall of paper books – I’m assuming you will not, I think there will always be a market for paper books – but I’m completely and totally head-over-heels for you, and I keep downloading more and more books and just looking, lustfully, at your gorgeous homescreen with ALL THE PRETTY BOOKS like JEWELS.

This isn't mine, but so, so pretty, right? I look at mine ALL THE TIME. And sigh. Happily. It's like a LIBRARY you can keep in your PURSE.

This isn’t mine, but so, so pretty, right? I look at mine ALL THE TIME. And sigh. Happily. It’s like a LIBRARY you can keep in your PURSE.

Yet again, you roped me in with your awesomeness, technology. Someday I will learn not to doubt you. Maybe. Probably.

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48 comments | posted in Books, reading, technology

February 19, 2013

Never trust a man named Stinky. I feel this is a common-sense thing.

By lucysfootball

I have two very important things to tell you! TWO THINGS! And possibly more, who knows what will happen, I get distracted a lot, I’m like a kitten with string and/or toy mice.

So today, Andreas and I attempted to Skype AGAIN. We are nothing if not persistent. But immediately, Skype did not work. So I sent poor Andreas many many all-caps messages like “SKYPE HATES ME” and “I HATE VIDEO CHATTING” and “THIS IS NOT LIKE JETSONS-WORLD AT ALLLLLL” and he was very patient and said, “Now we will try Tango” which apparently is like Skype only not Skype, and not the sexy dance. (SIDE NOTE! I had to do the tango in this play I was in once, in college? And I cannot dance, not even the slightest bit at all? So they even had me go to the dance teacher lady on campus for lessons and I made her put her head down and make suspicious noises that I think were probably weeping-noises? Yeah, so this story ends with I kind of wasn’t very good at that at all, and probably shouldn’t dance in public or private or kind of anywhere again ever. SO, of course when Andreas was all “I’m going to invite you to Tango” I was all “NO NO NEVER AGAIN I MADE MISS SIDNEY CRY!” but come to find out it was ok after all.)

I promise you right now I didn't look anything like this. There was more falling and/or tripping.

I promise you right now I didn’t look anything like this. There was more falling and/or tripping.

So we tried Tango and it didn’t even download right away because the internet hated me today but then it FINALLY downloaded and then we tried Tango and guess what? No. Seriously. Guess.

IT DIDN’T WORK EITHER.

It let us call each other, then it let us say, “Hello?” but not see each other’s faces, and then it immediately hung up on us. Numerous times. So then there was a flurry of ALL-CAPS EMAILS. Repeating my earlier “ZOMG ANDREAS I AM BREAKING THE INTERNET.” And because Andreas is calm, he replied with, “Yes. Yes you are. Let’s try again.”

We decided to try Skype again, because we could at least not-talk and type. So that was pathetic and sad, but ok, sort-of.

So then we Skyped and it kept doing that freezing crap so we typed and then I heard adorable noises so Andreas went to get his wonderful amazing son! And apparently, that FIXED SKYPE! Because then Skype started working! So I could see Andreas’ son! And here’s the best part, ready? I MADE HIM LAUGH! He laughed an adorable baby-laugh! I MADE A BABY LAUGH ALL THE WAY IN FINLAND! Also, he is WONDERFUL. He has the most amazing eyes and he totally pays attention to you and puts his whole hand in his mouth and laughs and laughs.

So Andreas and I got to talk with our faces AND our mouths, and we stalked each other and also various places we are going in New York City on Google Streetview and talked about his upcoming trip and various things and this and that and LISTEN. I’m totally the most awkward talking on the phone to anyone but my parents? It is the truth. I am very weird about phones. And probably just as weird about video-phones, if I had ever used one successfully.

STREET VIEW! I like street view. It makes me feel like I am right there. I think it's magical.

STREET VIEW! I like street view. It makes me feel like I am right there. I think it’s magical.

HOWEVER! It was not at all awkward with Andreas. This could be for a variety of reasons: we email and talk so often it’s like we already know each other; Andreas is just very cool so things are easy; magic; all of the above. I choose d.

Anyway, this is a very good sign that our New York City trip will be a grand success. And BFF totally guessed where we were going after reading yesterday’s post. I got a text all “YOU ARE GOING TO ______!” and I texted back “Hee, yep, we totally are.” He wins guessery!

And then tonight I went to the bookstore to buy Andreas’ wonderful daughter some books so she can have presents from the crazy lady from Merka. And also got a present for the most wonderful baby boy, and then this week will get presents for Andreas and his lovely fiancée. I HAVE ALL THE PLANS AND SCHEMES!!! (I cannot tell you what they are now, but once they are gifted, I totally will, because they are fun and awesome.)

(Also, I got to see my wonderful bookstore friend K., who is not my theater friend K. – although she IS a theater friend, just not THAT theater friend, THIS IS ALL VERY CONFUSING I’M SORRY! and she helped me pick out the best books for a wonderful little girl with the best smile ever. And we had the best talk. I haven’t seen her in a while and it was so nice to see her and we are going to get together soon for an airing of grievances because we both have many grievances and perhaps we could SOLVE each other’s grievances, and wouldn’t that be nice? Sure it would!)

ANYWAY, today was totally a triumph for the idea of living in Jetsons-times, and I approve. Also, let Andreas tell you what he will, but he is TOTALLY fancy. He’s both very calming and very challenging. Does that make sense? I don’t even care, that’s what he is. (Good challenging, not like when someone’s being an asshole and you’re all trying not to hit them with a mallet and you say, “YOU’RE certainly being challenging today, aren’t you?” No. Like the kind of challenging where the person makes you think about things you never knew before, that kind of challenging.) He’s the person I want in my corner forever and ever. I couldn’t be more excited about a week from Saturday if you told me there would be penguins. And who’s to say, really, that there won’t be penguins? Who, really?

There might be penguins. You never know when you might encounter penguins, seriously.

There might be penguins. You never know when you might encounter penguins, seriously.

OK, I said I had two things to tell you and I DO, but this is getting mega-long. I told you I’d go off on tangents. When do I not go off on tangents?

When I saw C. and C. this weekend, C. (FEMALE C., I know that gets confusing) told me a VERY EXCITING THING. Well, also distressing, but EXCITING. Because I am WEIRD.

THERE WAS A SERIAL KILLER IN POUGHKEEPSIE AND C. AND C.’S NEW HOUSE IS RIGHT NEAR THE MURDER HOUSE.

OK, so the serial killer was like fifteen years ago, but still! MURDER HOUSE! And I’m going to see C. and C. in about a month, and they said (and, surprisingly, were not even fazed by my request, because they know me very well) WE CAN DRIVE BY THE MURDER HOUSE!

So the killer’s name was Kendall Francois (ooh la la!) and he was a murderer of ladies of the evening. That means prostitutes, you guys.

He kind of looks like just some guy. I like when serial killers have crazy eyes. It makes 'em easier to avoid.

He kind of looks like just some guy. I like when serial killers have crazy eyes. It makes ‘em easier to avoid.

If you go to this Wikipedia page, the best part of it is that under his name, it says “also known as” and it says “The Poughkeepsie Killer” and then it also says “Stinky.” STINKY! I don’t know that I could take a serial killer seriously if he was all, “I’m going to stab you to death right now, in the meantime, call me Stinky, everyone does.”

Also, his job was that he was a hall monitor at a middle school. I feel like someone named Stinky would not be an appropriate hall monitor. Also, well, serial killer.

Stinky the Serial Killer killed at least 8 women over a two-year period. He only was discovered because one of the ladies of the evening escaped and went to the local convenience store and was all, “yo, this dude tried to kill me” and then the cops moved in and found ALL THE DEAD BODIES IN HIS YARD. In the MURDER HOUSE. In the area where my FRIENDS CURRENTLY LIVE.

You guys MURDER HOUSE!!!

You guys MURDER HOUSE!!!

Things I asked C. and C. about this story:

  • “There was a SERIAL KILLER in your TOWN? I mean. Um. I know that’s totally distressing. YET I CAN’T EVEN PRETEND I’M NOT EXCITED; YOU PEOPLE KNOW I LOVE SERIAL KILLERS!”
  • “We can drive past the MURDER HOUSE? Do people live in the murder house? Murder house is a lot more fun to say if you roll the first r. Murrrrrrder house.”
  • “There are hookers in Poughkeepsie? You don’t even seem surprised about this, you guys, you’re all blasé about the hookers. I find that equal parts charming and worrisome, to be honest.”
  • “Wait, there’s a MOVIE about the serial killer? Called The Poughkeepsie Tapes? WHY HAVE I NOT SEEN THIS YET? OMG, C., remember in college we watched that movie about Binghamton and it was terrible and I kept wanting to turn it off and you were SO SADFACE and you said ‘But it’s about BINGHAMTON!’ until we totally got the giggles?”
  • “Murrrrrder house, murrrrrder house, WE ARE GOING TO DRIVE PAST A MURRRRRRDER HOUSE!!!”
  • “What do you MEAN the 7-11 we went to that time was the convenience store the hooker ran to? OMG. This is VERY EXCITING. We should make our OWN movie called My Friends Live in the Same Neighborhood as a Murder House and Here Are Some Places That Play a Large Part in the Story of Murderous Murder. That’d do well in theaters, right?”

As you can see, I’m really a barrel of fun to bring to the Dinosaur BBQ. I’m really the most inquisitive and joyous.

Also, C. and C., I found this book when I was researching this and I think we should start our own book club and all read it.

You know it’s good because it’s by the author of Lobster Boy.

So next month, first there’s Andreas, then there’s MURDER HOUSE. I mean, could March get any better? The answer is, NO IT COULD NOT!

Happy Tuesday, people of the internets! Watch out for people named Stinky! I mean, I don’t feel as if I should have to warn you about that, but now we have a NEW reason to find them suspect!

26 comments | posted in Books, friends, Internet, killer

February 11, 2013

If you’re going to buy and sell me, you’re in for more trouble than I’m worth.

By lucysfootball

The weekend is over! Things happened this weekend. THINGS. Here are some things:

  • Opening night happened, a night later due to the blizzard. The blizzard, oddly, had a name. The name of the blizzard was Nemo. When did we start naming blizzards? Is this a thing we always did? If so, why was I not made aware of it? Also, isn’t Nemo an odd name for a storm? NEMO IS AN ADORABLE CARTOON FISH. Not a blizzard. (Also, the blizzard was more bark than bite. Did it snow? Yes. But not as much as they said it would. I think we ended up with maybe 6-8″? Tops? THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID. It made for a messy drive, and I got exhausted cleaning off the car, but otherwise, eh.)
  • That was too long to stay all one bullet point. ANYWAY, opening night happened. It went beautifully. The cast was spot-on, the lights and sound went off without a hitch (she says humbly, at least from the sound point of view) and the minute the cast came out for their bow, the audience gave them a huge standing ovation. I was so proud of the cast, and of friend A., who directed the hell out of that show. Then we had a champagne reception and everyone was so happy and complimentary, and I stayed up super-late and the review came out (not from the paper I review for, but for the other paper) and it was SO SO GOOD. You can totally read it. You don’t even have to pay to read this one. I think that’s because the Times Union has more money than my paper, I don’t even know. I was so excited to see this I texted friend A. in ALL-CAPS. ALL-CAPS TEXTING!!!
  • So after the show I stayed up way too late because there was a new Saturday Night Live but I might as well not have because both the host AND the musical guest was Justin Bieber and I JUST DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE BIEBS. What is the appeal of this boy? Really? He’s not overly talented. I mean, he seems nice enough, but he’s just a kid with a pleasant, vaguely-female face. And he wasn’t even all that funny. Mostly he just kept looking vacantly around during the skits. I think he was trying hard, but it wasn’t really hard enough. But teen girls are INSANE about this kid. I just don’t get it. I just don’t. I guess I am too old?
  • Then I went to bed and at first I could not fall asleep because I was way overtired but guess what happened? I SLEPT FOR EIGHT STRAIGHT HOURS. I didn’t even wake up once. I woke up in the same position where I crashed out. Like I was a dead person. I woke up and looked at the clock and went OH HOLY HELL. It felt AMAZING. Then sj told me I’d really slept for 5 years, not 8 hours, and be careful when I went outside, because there were flying cars now. That made me laugh and laugh.
  • Then we had our matinee, which also went very well. And then I went out and bought a burrito for dinner as a treat and now I am watching The Walking Dead and then I will go to bed and attempt to get close to 8 hours of sleep AGAIN tonight, and won’t that be grand? Yes. Yes, it will.

    ZOMG, there is a badass Daryl Dixon meme. I approve. I HAVE MISSED YOU MY WONDERFUL DARYL!

    ZOMG, there is a badass Daryl Dixon meme. I approve. I HAVE MISSED YOU MY WONDERFUL DARYL!

  • Oh, at work on Saturday, at the answering service, some woman called all up-in-arms that her apartment complex hadn’t cleared her parking lot. I explained that we couldn’t page maintenance for that, because – per the apartment complex, in their OWN WORDS – “the clearing of snow is not an emergency that maintenance needs to be paged for.” She went BALLISTIC. “Do you know how much money I pay for this apartment? Do you know how much money I have in the bank? I COULD BUY AND SELL YOU. You are REQUIRED to call maintenance if I tell you to. YOU ARE MY EMPLOYEE. You are FORCING me to LIVE IN MY CAR. You will LISTEN TO ME WHEN I TALK. Don’t you DARE speak when you’re being spoken to.” Yep. This is the kind of thing I get at work, yo. I ended up hanging up on her after just repeating to her over and over I couldn’t help her per her complex and she’d have to take her complaints up with them when they opened again on Monday. “YOU WILL BE FIRED FOR THIS!” she screamed. Well, maybe, I don’t know. But probably not. I mean, it’s not OFTEN people are fired for following the rules of their jobs? But maybe. So I just told her “I’m sorry, there’s nothing more I can do for you, and this is fruitless for both of us, so I’m going to hang up now. I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more assistance.” She was still screaming when I hung up. Happy, happy, joy, joy. (SIDE NOTE: I pay half of what she does for the place that I live, but my maintenance people were clearing my lot when I woke up on Saturday. The whole lot was almost completely clear when I left. So I guess all the money in the world can’t buy you a parking spot, Lady McRicherson. Hope you liked sleeping in your Caddy. I know I enjoyed sleeping in my nice warm bed. Also, have fun buying and selling me; I don’t think you’ll make much. I’ve been used and abused, and most of my internal organs are either missing, just don’t work, or are completely broken and I don’t think are going to bounce back, so I can’t be worth more than about $1.27.)
  • Also, I bought a ticket to go see Stephen Sondheim talk at one of our local colleges in May. I AM GOING TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS STEPHEN SONDHEIM. I’m kind of hyperventilating about this right now. STEPHEN EFFING SONDHEIM YOU GUYS.

Tomorrow and Tuesday I’ll be at the theater again – we have auditions for our next show – and then I actually get to come HOME on Wednesday and Thursday! Well, I have to go grocery shopping one of those nights, and laundry the other night, but after that, HOME HOME HOME! It’s gotten to the point that when I come home, Dumbcat goes into a fury of happy. MOM MOM MOM YOU ARE HOME MOM! he says in his cheerful furry way, and then follows me around like a puppy, making chirpy meows like a bird-cat. Then if I actually get two seconds to sit on the couch, he curls up to my leg as if it is the best thing ever and purrs SO SO HARD. Also, earlier today he sneezed in my face. I think that might be the grossest. Why would your cat do that to you? MEAN.

This was supposed to be a music blog, wasn’t it? I was totally planning on posting about a music thing. I guess that will have to be tomorrow because it’s already getting late.

OH! Here is a story called “earlier in the week I was very sleepy.” So on Saturday I got dressed half-asleep and cleaned off the car and went to work. And after a few hours I went to the bathroom. As one does. And I was all, “why are these the most itchy underwear? These underwear are really itching me.”

BECAUSE I WAS WEARING THEM INSIDE OUT.

Yes. I went to work with inside-out underwear. Now, I probably could have fixed them, but it seemed like a lot of work to take off my big snow boots and pants and such in the grubby work bathroom and fix them so I totally went through my entire day with inside -out underwear. And every time I went to the bathroom I just looked sadly at them and said to myself, “this is really a total sign that you have just given up. You have completely and totally given up right now.” AND I DID NOT EVEN CARE ENOUGH TO FIX THIS SITUATION. IT WAS TOO MUCH WORK.

SO CHEERFUL! I was not this cheerful, but I was resigned about the situation.

SO CHEERFUL! I was not this cheerful, but I was resigned about the situation.

You will be pleased to know that my undergarments are on correctly today. And are much less scratchy since the lacy bits are right-side out, not wrong-side in.

They tell you the side-effects of not enough sleep are trouble concentrating, crankiness, forgetfulness, uneven motor skills, things like that. They do NOT tell you that you might space out and put on your panties inside-out and then just not have the energy to rectify the situation. I think there should be a PSA about such a thing. I mean, this would scare the kids, you know? Make them not as apt to stay up all hours partying and such? I mean, INSIDE OUT UNDERWEAR, you guys. This is not a laughing matter.

(The internet told me if you wear your underwear accidentally inside-out, you will have an especially lucky day. I didn’t. So therefore, your superstition is invalid. I TESTED IT. IT IS NOT TRUE.)

Also, I have read ALL the books over the past week; time in the light booth gives you plenty of time to read. Kindle-books and tree-books. We will discuss the pros and cons of both in a future post. All I know is, I read and read and read this week. I finished three books and am well on my way to finishing a fourth. Being able to read again? An absolutely amazing feeling. Just a brilliant one. Getting lost in a book was something I’ve been missing so much. And honestly I need to be getting lost in book-world, because I’m not having the best time in Amy-world at the moment, so it’s nice being in book-world. I’d almost forgotten that aspect of reading, and the main reason I did so much of it as a younger-me – it lets you not be you for a while. Thanks, books.

Two more days of theater hell, then only two more brief weekends of it. I’m the little engine that could right now. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

32 comments | posted in Books, random, reading, reviews, The Walking Dead, Theater, tired, work

December 27, 2012

The most important thing is that people read…

By lucysfootball

“[D]on’t ever apologize to an author for buying something in paperback, or taking it out from a library (that’s what they’re there for. Use your library). Don’t apologize to this author for buying books second hand, or getting them from bookcrossing or borrowing a friend’s copy. What’s important to me is that people read the books and enjoy them, and that, at some point in there, the book was bought by someone. And that people who like things, tell other people. The most important thing is that people read… ” — Neil Gaiman

Now, it wouldn’t be the end of the year without an end-of-the-year best-books post, would it?

Here’s the problem, though.

I was totally broken this year and read NO BOOKS.

Well, I read SOME books. But I used to read hundreds of books a year. I’m not even exaggerating. I just counted, and this year I read – ready? it’s totally embarrassing – 53.

Fifty-three books. This is utterly shameful.

Here’s the problem. The stretch of unemployment (or, I guess you could call it, overemployment, as I was working a LOT) kind of made it so I had a choice: read or blog. Or, I suppose, read and blog and don’t sleep. But sleeping isn’t really something that’s on the table and able to be cut, you see. And that was a big chunk of my year. (4.5 months! That’s over a third of the year!) Since I started working at my new job, I’ve had a little more time (not a lot, but a little) and have actually read a few books (well, plays, but that’s what I have to read right now – I’ve mentioned, I think, we’re in the middle of play selection at the theater so I have to read a billion plays so we can decide what we’re doing next season…but I have high hopes that once that’s over, I can read REAL BOOKS again) since. So I have high hopes for 2013 and upping my number from – UGH – 53. FIFTY-THREE. What am I, in KINDERGARTEN? This is EMBARRASSING.

Also, my most abject apologies to my beloved Susie, because this lack of reading means I can’t write reviews for Insatiable Booksluts, and oh, I want to. So badly. I feel terrible that I haven’t been able to. Because it’s something I love doing. Writing for IB is one of my proudest achievements, and I’m not able to do it right now. So, yeah, that’s kind of killing me.

But! Like an intrepid soldier! I went through my meager list of books and picked out the top ten books I read this year, because I’ve done this every year since I moved here, and I didn’t feel like I could stop now, even though I embarrassed myself with the number of books I read this year. 2013! I WILL CONQUER YOU BOOK-WISE!

So here are my top ten books of the year – again, much like the music post, these books weren’t necessarily published in 2012, but I read them this year, so they make this year’s list. Amazon links included for those of you who like such things, of course, and in case you end up with a bunch of giftcards for Christmas and are wondering, hmm, what should I BUY with these, I wonder?

10. Us – Michael Kimball (my review of this one at Insatiable Booksluts here)

I like books that make me cry. I like all things that make me cry, let’s be honest. Television shows, movies, music, books. This made me cry. It’s a teeny little book about love and the fragility of life and how well we know the ones we love and it just tore me apart. It was so beautifully written. Just an absolute gem of a book.

9. Deathless – Catherynne M. Valente

This is a gorgeous retelling of Russian folklore. I’m a sucker for anything fairy-tale related, and this one doubly won, because I wasn’t aware of the fairy tale it was based on (the Russian tale of Koschei the Deathless) so it was all new to me. And it was beautifully written – it had a very modern-fairy-tale feel, with just enough mystery and magic and romance to make my heart swell. I loved it so much. (sj, if you haven’t read this one, I think you might like it – I know we both have a love for all things fairy-tale related.)

8. Zazen – Vanessa Veselka (Susie and I discuss the book at Insatiable Booksluts here)

This is a dark, poetic, powerful book. It’s an alternate reality, but not so far from our own, in which bombs drop all the time and it’s just the way things are; people live in constant fear, talking about leaving, going somewhere that’s safe – but where’s safe, really? The narrator is lost, but trying her hardest (oh, how I relate to that) and the writing is just gorgeous. This is the author’s first book – and if a book like this is your first book, whoa. Good for you, you know? Think of what you can do from here. The mind utterly boggles.

7. Wildwood – Colin Meloy

I’m fairly sure this is for children. I don’t even care. It made me happy. Prue’s younger brother is kidnapped by a murder of crows and brought into the Impassible Wilderness just outside of Portland, Oregon and she has to go rescue him with the help of her friend Curtis and some totally kickass talking animals (oh, you know I love talking animals.) It’s also written by the lead singer of the Decemberists, which kind of makes me smile, because you can sing AND you can write? Well, you might just be the perfect guy, I don’t know. (I like The Decemberists. I don’t LOVE The Decemberists, but I like them very much. I appreciate what they’re doing. I’m just waiting for that one perfect song from them, I guess. In the meantime, I like what I’ve heard.) Plus the illustrations are GORGEOUS.

6. Warm Bodies – Isaac Marion

Yes, yes, again, I think this is for the kiddos. Well, the kiddos of the young-adult variety, anyway. Don’t care, loved it. It’s zombie fiction and it’s a love story and it’s WONDERFUL. The zombie apocalypse has hit, and we’re seeing it from the zombies’ point of view – or one zombie, really. And that zombie falls in love with a human girl. And that love starts to change him, somehow. And it’s not at all cheesy or stupid or childish. It’s funny and dark and twisted and intelligent and it made me both laugh and cry and I was so happy I gave it a chance. Also, the trailer for the movie actually looks pretty decent. A little campy, but good. And it has John Malkovich in it! Come on, you know I love that. WHO DOESN’T LOVE THAT!?!?!?!

5. Americas – Jason Lee Norman (review at Insatiable Booksluts here)

I’ve been randomly thinking of this book on and off all year. It’s just that good. It’s lyrical and poetic and beautiful and it will make you laugh with the discovery of new and magical things and it will make you cry with the realism and heartache and sorrow. I can’t recommend this enough. Just a perfect little book. I can’t wait to see what Norman comes up with next; I predict great things.

4. Let’s Pretend This Never Happened – Jenny Lawson (review at Insatiable Booksluts here)

This book made me laugh probably harder than anything I read this year. Also, it hit me out of nowhere with sneak-attack tears, but mostly all the laughter. You all know Jenny Lawson as The Bloggess, and I’m sure most (if not all) of you read this book this year – it made a LOT of best-of lists this year, and with good reason – but if somehow this book escaped you this year, please do yourself a favor and pick it up. It’s funny as hell. You deserve that, don’t you think?

3. Citrus County – John Brandon (review at Insatiable Booksluts here)

Such a gorgeous, sad, beautiful book. Written so, so well. And just utterly filled with longing. Longing so thick and so deep it just welled up and off the pages. You could feel the humidity of Florida and you could hear the insects and you were just utterly immersed in that longing for something not…quite…tangible. And when the book was done, it stayed with you.

2. Gone Girl – Gillian Flynn

I love Gillian Flynn, and have read (and enjoyed) all of her other books – but this one. Whoo. I can’t even describe. It brought you one way, then another, and I am not even a thriller person, and her other books weren’t so much thrillers, and this one was, and holy HELL but did this book work for me. I had no idea where it was going or what was coming next and I could not put it down. And it wasn’t like one of those thrillers that you buy because you’re about to get on a plane and there’s nothing else in the store and it’s KIND of thrilling but meh, throwing peanuts at the guy sitting across from you on the flight would be, too, I suppose. Nope. This was well-written and twisty and intelligent and not your typical stupid thriller. This woman can WRITE.

1. In One Person – John Irving

I loved this. Well, it’s not overly surprising – I mean, I’m a total John Irving fan, I’d read anything he’s written, gladly. But this one hit all the right levels with me. I related to the characters; it had that gorgeous Irving storytelling I know and love; a very gay-friendly storyline; a lot of big, deep thoughts and ideas that made my headarea super-happy; and there was a section in the middle with some flirting that was completely conducted with German poetry. Oh, well THAT made me grin. Then also cry, because it was so melancholy and also beautiful. Nice job, Irving. I will continue to read anything and everything you publish until the end of all time.

So, there. I read a few other wonderful books this year, but these are the top ten. And next year there will be more. THERE WILL. I have the BEST OF INTENTIONS ABOUT THAT. *shakes fist at world*

45 comments | posted in best-of, Books, lists, reading, recommendations

November 14, 2012

One step closer to world domination through poetry.

By lucysfootball

I got another one of the crazy-awesome escort-spams today and this time I remembered to save it. Ready?

Hi , men ! IT is a high time to tell important info you. We have discovered real paradise of lovely playmates . They won’t be equalize with others for the reason that they are ideal . Just see them on scotland escorts dot com.

Scotland escorts! I found Italian escorts easier to believe. Scotland escorts, however, I find easier to accept. They’d be more down-to-earth, and would have the best accents. I am a sucker for a Scottish burr, even more so than an Italian accent. Do you think these people have MALE Scottish escorts? WOULD HE LOOK LIKE JAMIE FRASER? I’m sure as hell not clicking on that link to find out, or anything. I even made it not clicky because I don’t want you to get spammed and also I don’t want them to get hits or anything.

Listen, this Scot can escort me anytime. ANY OLD TIME AT ALL.

I also like that they won’t “equalize with others.” I also often won’t equalize with others, much to my detriment.

It is MONDAY and I am writing this for tomorrow. I slept like a CHAMP last night. Seven and a half hours! I only woke up because I had to pee. Stupid bladder. I think I could have slept at least another hour. I did a project this morning while still in pajamas, I am currently doing laundry, once that’s done I will buy FOOD (Dumbcat says, “Mom, can you also buy ME some food, we’re down to CRUMBS here” and I say to him, “YES BABE”) and then I will finish this and watchboth last night’s The Amazing Race so I can talk about it with sj and Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close before it’s due back at the library and I assume cry my face off because I’m not good at 9/11 movies but I do like Tom Hanks and also a good cry. Don’t you just feel so clean after a good cry? I think it’s the human equivalent of being hung on the line like wet laundry and then being brought in all clean and dry and smelling like the wind.

OK, before we start…whatever it is I’m going to write about today (haven’t the foggiest, to be honest) we have to discuss a VERY EXCITING THING.

So I woke up and the most amazing sj informed me that my book had made it to the next round of voting on the Goodreads reader choice awards thingy that we talked about a few weeks ago.

HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS.

Here’s the thing. My book wasn’t one of the selected books for people to vote for. There were pictures of the covers of the selected books, and then there was a teeny box at the bottom where you could write in a book if you wanted. And it wasn’t EASY to write in a book. I know this because I totally voted for myself. DO NOT JUDGE it’s not like you wouldn’t have done the same thing for yourself, were you in the same position. I’d do it if I was running for president, too, if I thought I deserved the position. (I don’t know that I DESERVE the award, but I WANT it, dammit.)

This, to me, is the equivalent of Mickey Mouse winning for president. (You know how everyone always says, “I’m voting for MICKEY MOUSE!” when they don’t like any of the choices? I wonder how many people actually do this.) Because people like the easy way out. And the easy way out is always going to be the name written on the ballot, or the book whose cover is right there in front of them, not the extra step that’s needed to fill out a box (also, it seems like a moot point to write a name in a box, because you’re like, “Well, THIS doesn’t stand a chance of winning, should I really throw away my vote here?”)

You all got me into the second round of this thing. You did this. Every single one of you who voted. I am so humbled and blown away by this. Enough of you voted for me in the little write-in box that you got my book bumped up to the higher “there’s my cover, yo” status in the next round. Twenty people made it into this round; only ten make it into the finals.

I totally had tears over this today. I can’t even wrap my mind around it. How am I so lucky? How did this happen? This isn’t something that happens to me. This is something that happens to someone else. I don’t get things like this. I just don’t.

But now that I did…well, let’s see, just for fun, how far we can take this little engine that could. You can click here, or click on the fancy widget the nice people from Goodreads emailed me today in my sidebar on the right over there (I GOT OFFICIAL CONGRATS EMAIL FROM GOODREADS!!!) and you can vote to get me on to the…finals? I think the next step is the finals. Yep, it is. ONLY TEN MOVE ON. What do you think, can we get this to the finals? This is very exciting. I think the last time I was in the finals of anything was the junior-high spelling bee. DAMN YOU OPPOBRIUM!

LEAF CONEYBEAR! If you know who this is you win. What do you win? My love and affection, of course.

Just got my hours for the coming week. It…um…looks like last week. Lots of hours, some overtime. Lots of exhaustion, I assume, as well. But I don’t have as many nighttime things to do this week, so it won’t be AS exhaustive. Only two things to do in the evenings this week – first read-through for The Laramie Project and seeing ARLO GUTHRIE ON SATURDAY AAAHHH! I might be a little excited about that one. I have very good seats. And I have never seen one of his concerts where I didn’t leave with the biggest smile. I love him the most. He always puts on a great show and it’s always so joyous and he tells the best stories and the high-school Amy who still lives in my heart is so happy when grown-up Amy takes her to Arlo concerts, I can’t even tell you.

I will see you soon, Arlo! I’ll be the one grinning like a moron right front and center!

Anyway, ANYWAY, I will be quite busy and worky this week as I was last week but maybe not AS insane. But I will not have time for my loved ones again, and that makes me sad. I like when I have plenty of time for my people because as much as I need to be working because it helps my wallet my people help my SOUL and you really need both your wallet and your soul healthy, I think. Sorry, people. I am thinking of you all the time. Oh, also, Dumbcat? Dumbcat, I am also thinking of YOU all the time, and your little furry face.

I also have a potentially exciting top-secrety thing happening this week which we may or may not be discussing at some point in the future, so that’s exciting and also secret. Shh. No more on that. Just like a spy, I am. Just…keep your fingers crossed for me this week? For some as-yet unascertained reason? Thanks. You’re the best. If you can randomly get me into the next round of the Goodreads awards maybe your collective finger-crossing can give me what I need to make the magic happen. We can only hope.

OK. This isn’t so long, but I have one more post to write today before I finish my day, and I have lots to say in that one, too, so if I say too much HERE, I’m going to run short on WORDS. That could be CATASTROPHIC. An Amy without words? What would happen? It’d be like a bird without song! A Dumbcat without running into walls with his brain-area!

Happy Tuesday, everyone. I love your faces. Thank you for continuing to be the best people I know, and for being MY people. I have people. The best people. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Thank you.

8 comments | posted in awards, Books, happiness, Jobs, sleep, thank you, work

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