I have news.
Oh, man. Have *I* got news.
No, not Dad news. That has to wait until later in the week, because right now, Dad’s friend B. is staying with him, and he can’t talk freely around friend B., so I can’t get the whole lowdown on the hunting situation until B. takes off for home. But as soon as friend B. leaves, Dad and I are going to talk and talk and talk, and then I will have MORE stories. Right now I only have bits and pieces of the hunting story.
FINE, I’ll give you parts of it.
YES, Dad got a moose. He got a mama-moose and friend B. got the baby moose. Before you get all sad about that, the baby moose weighed 400 pounds, so as I told sj, I think baby-moose was more of an angsty-teen moose, all black eyeliner and eye-rolling and shit.
The hunting camp was good and he had the best time and he loved Canada and he loved New Found Land and he loved the people and he thought it was so beautiful up there even though he got so tired.
He did NOT meet Dion who I mentioned in my post a few days ago who was all bullshitty and “shoot shoot shooty” because Dion was on vacation last week. His guide had a weird name that I have forgotten but I want to say it was something like Constantinople or some such shit. It totally wasn’t. But I can’t remember what it was.
He said “Grace was very pretty, but she wasn’t having sex with anyone but her husband, I don’t think. Why are you and your friends so WEIRD, Amy?” He didn’t notice anything in particular about her teeth, but he thinks that was some sort of weird Canadian euphemism for her being sexy.
Dad IMMEDIATELY asked about Ken. “How is that assassin? What’s that assassin doing now?” he asked. If I didn’t like Ken so much, I think I’d be hurt that Dad seems to like Ken more than he likes me. FINE, FINE, Ken’s life is pretty interesting. I think I’d ask about Ken, too, if I was Dad. I assured Dad that Ken was FINE and being VERY bon vivanty and Dad seemed satisfied with this.
That’s a lot of stories about Dad. Then politics came up and we started getting a little heated so we had to stop talking. I have missed that old curmudgeon. I told him he’s not allowed to go moose hunting for long periods of time again. He said that was ok, he didn’t want to anyway, he was done with his moose hunting.
Apparently there are more hunting-camp stories but I don’t get to know them until later in the week so stay tuned, jellybeans.
No, that’s not the story I wanted to tell you.
What could this BE, Amy?
Nope, not a job. I wish, but no. Someday, but not yet.
What’s better than a job and better than Dad-news?
Well, here. I’ll give you a hint.
What’s my favorite thing in the whole world?
No, not penguins. No, not Dumbcat. No, not turtles. No, not chocolate.
Those things are all peachy-keen, don’t get me wrong, but there’s one thing I love more than all of those things combined.
Well, no. Not a thing. A person. One person. One little, perfect person. One little, perfect person I’d throw myself in front of a horde of zombies for.
You win. The answer is: The Nephew.
Guess what’s next for The Nephew, in terms of young-life-bon-vivantery?
I can barely tell you this. I’m so excited. Earlier, there was crying here at the Lucy’s Football household. Happy crying. So much happy crying.
THE KIDDO IS MOVING HERE.
Kiddo and his mom are moving to Amy-land. At the end of the year. That’s less than two months from now. It’s a total go. I’ve been chatting with her all night.
You guys. YOU GUYS. I will get to see The Nephew MORE OFTEN THAN ONCE A YEAR. MUCH more often. His mom said I could take him to the THEATER. I can hang OUT with him. I can read to him and I can play with him and I can tell him stories and I can BE AROUND MY FAVORITE HUMAN BEING.
I can watch him grow up. Well, as long as they stay here; I can’t imagine they’ll stay FOREVER, but honestly, I’d count every day as a gift, were it to have the kiddo in it.
I never thought I’d live in the same town as he does. Believe me, I actually mentally debated it, and if I didn’t hate the town where I grew up so much, and if the thought of living there didn’t kill my soul, I would have considered moving back there, just to be in his life a little more. He’s just that magical. He makes my whole heart ache, he’s so great. You utterly cannot be sad around this child. You cannot.
Listen. I don’t really like people. I just don’t. I know you think I’m exaggerating but I really am not. They lie and they cheat and they let you down and just when you think you can count on them, they prove they’re not there for you, after all, and you wasted all this TIME on them. So how much I love this kid – it’s kind of unprecedented. It’s not a me-thing. If you’d told me a little over three years ago my entire heart would be walking around in this little wacky kid with the funniest little smile, I’d have laughed in your face.
As it is, I’ve been alternating between euphoria and leaking tears for the past four hours.
THE NEPHEW IS GOING TO LIVE IN MY AREA.
I have been wishing for this since I first saw his little face. (Well, not PARTICULARLY this, but living closer to him somehow.) So I think I might have brought this into being with the power of my THOUGHTS.
I AM MADE OF MAGIC.
Holy hell. This is great. I’m going to go imagine MORE people I love move to my area now until the whole PLACE is filled with you people and then ALL MY DREAMS WILL COME TRUE YOU GUYS.
No, but seriously?
Best news. Best news ever.
Excuse me, I’m going to go sniffle a little now.